In the cold winter, there are two hedgehogs, one male and one female.
The two hedgehogs love each other and both long to warm each other in the cold weather, so they walk toward each other and get closer and closer.
However, when they cling to each other, the thorns on their bodies hurt each other.
Therefore, in order to be able to better love the female hedgehog, the male hedgehog made a brave and determined choice: to pull off all the thorns on his body.
As a hedgehog, what does it mean to remove the thorns from your body? It means keeping all the softness and fragility to yourself and bringing the temperature to the loved one.
The moment he pulled out all the thorns on his body, the hedgehog thought he was a particularly determined and brave person.
Because for the sake of love, it can give up on itself, desperately.
When the male hedgehog walked up to the female hedgehog he said, "I can finally hug you tightly." ”
But even so, he still could not hug the female hedgehog, because the thorns on the female hedgehog also stung it.
At this time, the female hedgehog asked it hysterically, "Why are you doing this?" ”
Then she made a decision: to separate from the male hedgehog.
For, from the moment the male hedgehog plucks out all the thorns on his body, the two of them are doomed to be "not from the same world."
What did you think of when you saw this story? Isn't it like the way young people fall in love in their relationships today?
When we are young, we always think that as long as we love someone with a passion and unreservedly, we will be able to maintain this love forever.
The result is: touching the self and losing the other person.
Why is it that the deeper you love someone, the more vulnerable you are?
The above story is actually the "hedgehog effect" in psychology.
-01
"Hedgehog effect": love too deeply, hurt others and hurt yourself
The hedgehog effect tells us a truth:
No matter who you are with, learn to keep a proper distance; if you get too close, it will not only put some pressure on the other person, but also make you lose yourself.
Like what:
After the children get married, parents should not live with their children, otherwise they will lead to more contradictions because of different concepts of life and the concept of educating children.
Partners should not interfere too much in each other's thinking, and should leave some room for each other to avoid bringing pressure to each other.
Friends should also maintain a sense of distance and proportion, keep in touch but should pay attention to proportions, and not interfere excessively in each other's lives and emotions.
Why do you say that loving too deeply hurts others and hurts yourself?
Analyze from the perspective of the other party:
The other party has his own work, life, and has his own interests and hobbies after work; he wants to fall in love with you in the process of not affecting his plan to pursue ideals and hobbies.
When you overly interfere with his life and freedom, stick to him all the time, supervise him all the time, it will make him feel stressed.
With pressure, what will he do? Of course they will choose to flee from you.
At that time, you realize that loving someone too much will make him tired and lose his freshness and patience with you.
Analyze from the perspective of the self:
If you invest too much in love, you will lose yourself.
Do you know the truth of "taking care of one and losing the other"?
Human energy, emotions, and feelings are limited, and love is only a part of our hearts; if you put all your energy on love and the other person, it means that you have to reduce your time and energy in the rest.
At that point, you become useless and have nothing but love for each other.
You have been giving, but you have never allowed yourself to absorb more nutrition, have not maintained learning and cultivated yourself, and over time you become numb.
In the end, once love leaves you, you will find that you have lost so much.
-02
Before you love each other, learn to love yourself
What is the best state of love?
I think it's: relative possession, absolute freedom.
You love each other, occupy each other and ask for each other, which is the path that must be followed after becoming lovers.
But in essence, you are independent individuals.
Simply put: you have your own jobs, your own lives and interests.
After work, you want to take time to read a book, play games, and chat with friends, and the other party also has his pursuits and interests, such as playing ball, exercising, walking the dog.
In this state, you can maintain a posture of love without overly relying on and demanding each other.
For example:
You live under the same roof, you know he's there, he knows you're there, and he doesn't feel embarrassed even if he doesn't say a word.
He's cooking in the kitchen, cleaning up, and you're doing laundry and mopping the floor.
He reads and writes in the study, and you watch a play on the balcony and bask in the sun; when you rest, you lie on the couch together, chat or catch up with the drama together.
Such a state is the best look in love.
In love, the process of falling in love with each other, only if you do not feel tired, it shows that this love is successful and sustainable.
Falling in love with him is the icing on the cake, you can still be yourself, and the power of love pushes you to become a better version of yourself.
Before loving each other, you must have your own principles and learn to love yourself first.
There's a line in Edward Scissorhands that says, "I can't protect you when I put down the scissors, and I can't hug you when I pick up the scissors." ”
Helplessness in love is like this, wanting to love you and want to protect you.
What if that were the case? Then choose a normal mind and get along with each other in another way.
Love doesn't need to be overly forced, you and he both have different pursuits.
Today's Topic:
Do you think two people in love should keep their distance?
(Article with picture source network)