Wishful thinking, the sophomore fell in love with the English teacher
When he was working as a resident psychological counselor at a middle school in Songjiang District, Shanghai, a high school sophomore named Lin Feng took the initiative to consult psychological problems. He is handsome, plays basketball well, and has the nickname "Lin Thirteen". It is said that since Lin Feng went to high school, the lowest ranking of all the exams is the thirteenth place in the grade, and he is a proper student!
Lin Feng looked very uneasy, I had a premonition that there was a secret in his heart, so I said calmly: "You seem to have something on your mind, do you need me to help you with anything?" Lin Feng said that he fell in love with Teacher Wu, who taught English, because he couldn't see hope and couldn't stop, he didn't know how to be good, so his heart was very bitter.
I carefully asked, "Does Teacher Wu know?" "Absolutely don't know!" Lin Feng's tone was affirmative. "It turned out to be unrequited love." I breathed a sigh of relief, "When did it start?" ”
Lin Feng told me that when he was in his first year of high school, English was his shortcoming, and his listening and speaking were very bad. Teacher Wu has just returned from studying in the UK, is a master of education, speaks a standard London dialect, and patiently corrects Lin Feng's pronunciation, which makes him moved.
"Teacher Wu is a good and responsible teacher!" Lin Feng's eyes were full of admiration, and she said slowly, "She does not dislike that I learned 'dumb English' before, and said that she is willing to create a small miracle with me: she helps me with tuition, and after one semester, she participates in the English speech competition, at least to win the second prize."
Since then, I have been going to Mr. Wu's office every afternoon after school to make up for tuition, and my listening and reading level has been improving day by day. After getting along for a long time, I think Teacher Wu is particularly beautiful and exotic, I especially like to smell the faint smell of coffee emitted by her body, and sometimes, the ends of her hair will touch my face, itchy, very comfortable.
"What are the results of the English Speech Contest?" I interrupted his ambiguous description. "First Prize!" Lin Feng's face was full of excitement, "You say, is this the power of love?" I did not answer positively, but complimented him from another angle: "In my opinion, this is a strict master and a high disciple." ”
Lin Feng quickly fell from excitement to depression, saying: "After the speech contest, Teacher Wu will no longer give me make-up lessons. I later learned that she was married a long time ago. I don't know what to do now, I want to forget this feeling, and I always can't control thinking about her, and I often have messy dreams...
Teacher, is my mind dirty? Am I mentally ill? ”
Students fall in love with teachers of the opposite sex, which is a typical "calf love"
Perhaps his heart had been suppressed for too long, Lin Feng talked endlessly, to the point where there was no one around. Saying that he was tired, Lin Feng looked up at me and asked, "Teacher, did you say that this kind of sister-brother love would have a good result?" ”
I told the truth: "People don't know, how can they be called sister-brother love?" It is more accurate to say that it is calf love. "Calf love?" Lin Feng frowned, "What is calf love?" ”
I told him that psychology usually divides the development of sexual consciousness in adolescence into four stages:
The first stage is the "sexual disgust period" away from the opposite sex. At this stage, physiological changes occur in adolescents, resulting in uneasiness, shyness and disgust, believing that close contact between men and women is a manifestation of impurity.
The second stage is the "calf love period" of the yearning for the elderly opposite sex. At this stage, teenagers will admire the every move of the older opposite sex like a calf loving a cow. The performance of "calf love" is generally just a silent yearning, and will not erupt into a real pursuit and love.
The third stage is a "frenzied period" of actively approaching the opposite sex. In this period, only the opposite sex of the same age is generally taken as the object of yearning.
The fourth stage is the "romantic love period" of late adolescence, which is marked by the concentration of attention on a certain member of the opposite sex.
"Men and women who enter puberty go through these stages, but there are differences in the length of experience and the degree of obvious performance. You are attracted by Teacher Wu's appearance, demeanor, talent and personality, and you have a feeling of admiration, which is a typical calf love. I said.
According to a Survey in Japan, at least half of those surveyed admitted to having a fanatical love for teachers of the opposite sex in elementary and secondary school, but most of them were secretive and buried this feeling deep in their memories as they grew older. The situation in China is roughly the same.
Why do students fall in love with teachers of the opposite sex?
I told Lin Feng that from the perspective of adolescent psychological development, calf love generally occurs in middle school students in adolescence, and the reasons for it are roughly as follows:
First, adolescents are becoming more and more physically and psychologically mature. After entering puberty, with the emergence of secondary sexual characteristics, middle school students begin to be interested in love, resulting in a hazy psychological experience of love. This psychological maturity and desire for love are the intrinsic motives for calf love.
Second, teenagers crave independence. The particularity of the psychological development and self-awareness characteristics of middle school students are the psychological basis for calf love. As a result of physical and mental development and changes in status in the family and school, secondary school students enter a period of psychological weaning that longs to leave the protection of their parents for self-reliance.
Third, teachers have a close relationship with students. If, at this time, there is a teacher who is both talented and charismatic, respectful and understanding of their independent will, and who cares for the students with enthusiasm, the middle school students in adolescence may subconsciously have a hazy, mixed with subtle feelings of trust and admiration, attachment and admiration, which will lead to the occurrence of calf love.
Fourth, the campus is relatively closed. Secondary school campuses, especially boarding secondary school campuses, are relatively closed, and in addition to students of the opposite sex, the only adult opposite sex that middle school students can contact is teachers. Compared with the heterosexual classmates who are not familiar with the world, the calm and elderly teacher is more sexually attractive and naturally becomes the student's dream lover.
Channeling negative emotions, eliminating irrational thoughts,
Integrated into the collective, he successfully crossed the heart
At Lin Feng's request, under the condition of confidentiality, I conducted a week-long psychological counseling for him, the main contents of which are as follows:
First, guide Lin Feng to dispel the negative emotions in his heart.
In the in-depth communication, I found that on the surface, Lin Feng's performance in all aspects is excellent, but his psychology is actually very fragile, he has long had tendencies such as inferiority, depression, autism, etc., and there are no friends in the class who can speak closely. I think that Lin Feng has accumulated too many negative emotions in his heart, which is the root cause of his crush on the teacher, so psychological counseling starts from channeling negative emotions.
Second, eliminate irrational thoughts.
First of all, I stressed to Lin Feng that there is nothing unseemly about calf love, let alone just a crush.
I patiently guided: "True love needs responsibility to guarantee, and it is the mutual giving and acceptance of both parties' emotions." If you let Teacher Wu know your feelings for her, ask her to accept you, and betray your family, do you think she will be willing? ”
Lin Feng shook her head in pain: "I know that she can't accept me, and I don't want to see her family break up, so I will be miserable, but I really can't forget her." ”
"There is no need to forget, just bury this feeling deep in your heart." When you have the secret, you complete a growth. ”
Third, integrate into the collective and divert attention.
Lin Feng has a crush on the teacher for many reasons, and the fundamental way to make him really get rid of his troubles is to guide him to integrate into the class group and resonate with his peers.
Because there is a certain gap between him and his classmates, several psychological counseling is far from enough, so I secretly contacted Lin Feng's class teacher, hoping that the class teacher would cooperate with my work, let Lin Feng participate in class affairs, and deal with classmates more while serving his classmates. Of course, I didn't say anything about Lin Feng's privacy.
Since then, I have often seen Lin Feng's figure on campus. He was much more active than before, not only on the basketball court, but also in the English corner. Listening to Lin Feng's class teacher, the students joked that Lin Feng was like a computer with a re-installed system, which meant that the change was too big.
Later, Lin Feng thanked me and said sincerely: "That experience made me think a lot, understand my own problems, learn how to interact with others, and how to achieve my life goals through hard work, as the teacher said, is this not a kind of growth?" Spring is not the season of harvest, and I will put the love thing aside. "Seeing his progress, I am sincerely happy for him.
END
Author: Xiaolin
Editor: Fu Xiaokang
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