When there is a problem in a marriage, many people think that it is good to change people, let the marriage bear the burden of mutual contradictions, but do not know that all social relations are the integration and redistribution of various resources, and remarriage is even more.
The first marriage relationship can be simply seen as a matter of two people, but remarriage has to face a variety of complex relationships, which is more difficult to maintain than the first marriage relationship, and it takes more effort to be happy.
Qiu Zhen (pseudonym) divorced at the age of 35, the ex-husband's family took her as an outsider, the ex-husband's salary was handed over to the mother-in-law for safekeeping, she earned money with her children, but also had to be harassed by the mother-in-law, she could not stand the divorce, the daughter and her, the ex-husband did not want.
Divorced for two years, she dated many men, but they were divorced men with children, 37 years old met a man, the daughter has gone to college, the family has a house, known two months of men proposed marriage, let her give him a son as soon as possible.
When pursuing her, she gave a lot of gifts, the most expensive of which was a gold bracelet, and the man was also good to her daughter, and she talked to him about the details of the marriage.
The man gave the house to his daughter before he got married, saying that he would live in her house after marriage and rent out his own house to subsidize the cost of living.
Qiu Zhen was very uncomfortable in her heart, the man wanted a son, but gave the house to the daughter, the son who was born could not inherit her house, the man did not think about her daughter at all, she instantly had no desire to remarry, and felt that the man was too calculating.
She let the man take money to buy a house for marriage, the future child is born and has a home, the man said that he did not have the money to buy another suite, let her not take the money too seriously, marriage is two people to live, not with the house.
On the surface, men's words seem to be for her own good, but in fact, the interests of women are damaged by a meal.
The age of the two people is not small, the man still wants a son, but does not plan for the future son, wants to take the marriage to set the conditions are not bad Qiu Zhen, the idea of her house, fortunately she is a more sober woman, see what is wrong.
Remarrying is for a better life, to find a partner, not to dig a hole for yourself.
If you don't plan to have children, why do you have to get a license when you are almost 40 years old and have children, the marriage certificate can't give women the sense of security they want, after all, marriage protects not love, but money (interests).
The remarried woman's self-description reveals that both men and women who remarry have their own "calculations.".
First, "calculate" the benefits of remarriage for the sake of their respective children.
Both men and women are more realistic in remarriage, because after a failed marriage, each other will consider their own interests.
If they all have children, women are thinking about whether they can give their children better material living conditions, and it is best that men can help them raise children to reduce the burden on their own.
If a man has children, he thinks that the remarried wife can help take care of the children, whether he will be a qualified stepmother, and whether he can be equal to a bowl of water.
Two people "calculate" how much benefit the other can provide for their respective children, in order to weigh whether their efforts and returns are equal, as if they are doing business.
The man qiu Zhen's second marriage fancy has made the house into premarital property for his daughter, which is nothing wrong with itself. The point is that he wants to remarry and have a son, but he wants to live in the woman's house, rent out his own house (in the daughter's name), and say that it is a subsidy for living expenses.
He remarried is equivalent to a person, and then the house wants the woman to come out, and he wants the woman to have a son with him, and he is stupid to be a woman.
The benefits of remarriage for the sake of their respective children are acceptable to everyone, but they cannot harm each other's interests, and only if each other is willing to pay and reciprocate, remarriage is meaningful.
Secondly, no woman has a man who "calculates".
Although many women have gone through failed marriages, remarriage is still based on feelings, and they want to find someone who knows cold and hot, and feels that men have money and love themselves better.
However, a remarried man does not consider feelings at all, only considers whether a woman will take care of herself and her children, and wants to marry a nanny, but he will not declare it.
Qiu Zhen and the man both have their own daughters, and the remarried man asks to have another son, and then the family has three children, and the man has paved the way for his daughter early and transferred the house to the daughter, but has not considered the future of the wife he remarried and the children born.
The houses of two people are premarital property, and in case of divorce after that, they will not be divided as joint property, what is the purpose of the man's transfer to his daughter? Do you want to empty gloves white wolf?
Man gives all his property to his daughter, after remarriage his daughter if he gets married, there must be a lot of expenditure, a woman married to him materially difficult to get his nourishment, give birth to a son, a woman raises herself, what does marriage do? Women generally live longer than men and have to take care of old men later, and this "calculation" protects men, and does not consider the future of women and the children they have.
Two people who remarry are to find a better life, but because of the relationship of interests, once one of them feels "lost", it is not willing to pay again, there is no love, and the relationship will not last.
Finally, remarried men and women get along with too much "calculation."
The love of remarried couples is different from that of first-time couples, they have experienced failed marriages with each other, and it is difficult to learn from the previous marriage relationship, reflect on themselves and grow up.
If you do not realize that it is not easy to remarry, and you can't get out of the last failed marriage, then treating the other half is very casual, irresponsible, and each other's feelings are very indifferent and fragile.
If each has children, then there will be various "calculations" of each other in getting along, afraid that the other party will not be good for their children, the heart can not be treated equally, and the behavior and attitude will definitely favor one over the other, thus triggering contradictions and conflicts between husband and wife.
In the case of unpleasant getting along, two people who remarry may miss their previous partners, and unconsciously compare their current partners with their previous partners, and once there is a gap in their hearts, they will "calculate" whether their paying value is worth it, thereby reducing their own pay, and only thinking of squeezing "value or benefit" from each other.
Once there are too many "calculations" mixed in the relationship, the life is not good, and each other will regret remarrying.
However, if men and women who remarry do not "calculate" each other so much, but make the integration and distribution of resources fairer, the relationship will be much more harmonious, and it will be easier for each other to find a happy life.
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