Father, I am willing to give ten years of life in exchange for a day of resurrection for you

I remember that every year during the winter vacation of the child, I would make an appointment for a bed in advance, the doctor, and send my father to the hospital for physical maintenance for more than ten days.

Last year, the moon was cold, there were very few hospital patients, my father had a weak appetite since he was admitted to the hospital, he was weak and weak, he didn't sleep at night, he said and laughed during the day, I asked the villager next door, whether the father was back to the light, the father said that the father's face was very good, there would be no problem. I still asked the doctor to do a full examination, and the doctor said that everything was optimistic, and my heart was relaxed. Because my mother waited by my father's bedside day and night, my attitude towards serving my father became very relaxed.

On the fifth day of the hospital, my father began a thorough hunger strike, my mother and I persuaded bitterly for half a day, my father only drank a few small mouthfuls of rice porridge, he had no appetite, disgusted with food to the point of vomiting when he saw it, and even his favorite dumplings did not look at it. Then came the incontinence, and my mother and I were a bit disgusted with our father.

I carried my mother several times to find the doctor, the doctor replied that it was okay each time, but I had a bad premonition in my heart, I discussed letting my brother go home to serve (in fact, I was afraid that my father would leave and let my brother see the last side), my father was frugal all his life, and he was not willing to spend money back and forth on the way of his brother, saying that he did not agree. (My father thought he would be fine, he was used to every three to five rescues, so he didn't want to alarm his brother) That night I was furious with my father, I shouted in the ward, my emotions collapsed uncontrollably, my father secretly wiped away tears, and after the fight, I slammed the door in anger. Stumbling all the way home, covering my head and crying, crying I don't know whether it was the grievances of taking my father around for medical treatment for so many years, or the regret after my father was angry, I couldn't suppress the sobs until I cried tired and fell asleep.

The next day, I went to see my father with my red and swollen eyes, and the moment I opened the door, my father smiled hippie and said with a crying voice, I thought you didn't care about me, I didn't want me, I turned my head to hold back the tears that were about to flow, and I had to hold back.

The father may feel that his lamp is out of oil and noisily discharge himself from the hospital to return to his hometown, but he still does not agree to his brother returning home to visit him. Because of this incident, I have always been sullen, I am jealous of my father's love for my brother, afraid of his suffering, afraid of him being affected, afraid of him spending money, and ignoring me year after year, day after day, running around, describing the inseparable service, I began to make a mood, inexplicably want to get angry.

On the day my father was discharged from the hospital, my mother and I carried him with a support belt in a wheelchair, that day I was absent-minded, my mood was dark, when pushing my father out of the ward, I did not pay attention to the hand that my father placed on the side of the wheelchair was sandwiched between the beds, my father was caught in pain to wow wow crying, instantly I was like a deflated ball, there was no spirit, the heart was extremely self-blame, I had an impulse, I wanted to hold my father and cry bitterly.

When I got to the mouth of the village, it was a long dirt slope road, and I pushed it very hard by myself, and I began to complain about my father's eccentricity, and I said that this kind of thing was done by the boy, and you were distressed that your son was tired, and never asked me if I was tired all these years? As I spoke, I pushed the wheelchair hard, and suddenly a pit in front of me almost threw my father out of the wheelchair, but in fact, my father did not have any strength at that time, and I did not expect that he would leave in two days.

Later, whenever I thought of the attitude I had on the day I pushed my father, I would burst into tears, and if Heaven gave me another chance, I would definitely be pleasant with my face and smile to accompany my father on the last journey. Every time I go back to my father's grave and walk on that path, it has become a pain in my life, a regret that I can't walk, and on that path, I am not inferior to my relatives who are about to die, arrogant and rude, I should be uncomfortable, I should be heartbroken, I should live in self-blame, all of this is self-inflicted.

The day after returning to his hometown, my father no longer knew the father and fellow villagers who came to visit him, but my father still knew me and my mother, and my mother accompanied my father every step of the way, constantly wiping away tears.

I began to urge my brother to go home, because the epidemic to do nucleic acid tests, my brother still did not catch up with my father's throat, my father shouted my brother's name on his deathbed, I had big tears, drop by drop, I blamed myself for not being a sister, did not let my brother go home early, did not complete my father's last wish, and also let my brother regret for a lifetime.

After arranging my father's affairs, I have been living in self-blame, regret, I do not expect my father to come back to life from the new, I only pray for my ten years of life, in exchange for him to be resurrected for a day, let me apologize once, say what I want to say to him, condense the love of my life into the essence, love my father deeply, I am extremely eager to have this day, to make a final farewell.

Let my brother sleep on his left side, I sleep on his right side, we accompany him slowly close his eyes, there are our eyes, Huangquan Road is not lonely, not afraid.

Father, you must remember what I am like, and if there is reincarnation, I will be your daughter for the rest of my life.