The love killer hides in two places: cheating and unmet emotional needs.
As we all know, the marriage relationship is a contract in which the two partners trust each other, respect each other, take care of each other and protect each other. Betrayal is a powerful threat to such a contract.
In intimate relationships, it seems that only cheating is condemned, but the truth is that you may be experiencing 8 potential betrayals every day.
These betrayals are not as almost irreparable as infidelity, so please refer to this list to discover and repair your relationship with your partner, and never wait until it is irreparable to sigh bitterly.
After 3 years of marriage, Mary still had to follow her mother's decision when she encountered major choices in life. She not only seeks advice from her mother on life, but also discusses how to manage finances and educate her children. If her husband James and her mother had different ideas, she would have listened to her mother.
More seriously, the two women also formed a comrade-in-arms and alliance, commenting on James's way of working, dressing (except for those Mary bought him), and the way he spoke.
As long as Mary and James quarrel, Mary will complain to her mother, and they will unite against James.
Another, more common alliance is made up of husbands and mothers-in-law. In either case, the person in the marital relationship has an obligation to give someone a clear signal that his/her partner comes first. Both parties should keep their mouths shut about the intimate details of their married life, rather than introducing another person to interfere with their marital relationship.
If you've been with someone for a long time, it's easy to develop different feelings, but this isn't necessarily a betrayal, and the criteria for judging are:
If you think your partner will be upset after seeing your interaction with this person, or will be unhappy because you share privacy with this person, then the relationship is dangerous.
Mary detects a spiritual infidelity at a dinner party with her husband James's colleagues. James never mentioned Vivi. So it's not hard to imagine how shocked Mary was when Vivi casually said the name of her pet dog at the dinner. Vivi even amused her about biting James's socks.
Vivi seems to know every aspect of James, and she even brings her children her favorite Bubble Story game.
How does this woman know so much? James also looked uneasy. Mary suppressed her displeasure, and when she questioned James later, James argued that he and Vivi were "just friends, no big deal." He said that was why he didn't tell Mary, because he knew Mary would definitely be angry. ”
How do you know if your partner's relationship with someone else is a normal friend or a spiritual infidelity?
Is this friendship private? Is your partner not welcome to ask about things between them? Have you asked your partner to terminate their relationship and been rejected? Has your bottom line been violated? (Didn't we say that!) You can't go to the movies alone with her! Is this friend the object of his fantasies when something goes wrong between you?
If all of the above issues are positive, then the relationship is too intimate.
Without his wife's knowledge, James would give his brother some money to help him hide his unemployment. When his wife, Mary, asked about the little money in his bank card, James would say that he had used the money to invite customers to dinner.
He knew that Mary would be angry when she knew the truth. When James's mother called Mary and begged her not to let James give her brother the money, Mary learned where the money really went—it was the money that kept her brother from looking for a job for nearly half a year!
Similarly, Mary has her own secrets. The kindergarten teacher told Mary that their son might have ADHD, but James, convinced that her son was fine, refused to take him to the hospital.
An anxious Mary conceals james from taking her son for a check-up, and her son is diagnosed with ADHD. Mary was sad, but at the same time relieved.
When he told James, James was angry and hurt because she was carrying her child for a check-up. Mary's deception prevented them from focusing on their son's treatment.
People often lie to calm people down, but these lies can actually undermine trust. While this is harmful, it does not have devastating consequences for a relationship. Once the lie is exposed, you can work on the thing that triggered the lie.
This kind of agreement usually occurs when one party urges the other party to marry or cohabit, and the party who issued the invitation hopes to deepen the relationship between them, but it often backfires.
The beautiful situation is that people enter marriage because they are happy, not to put the shackles of marriage on each other in order to create happiness. Otherwise, the forced party can only play a trick in a state where it does not want to pay. Over time, this state will become more and more pronounced.
Due to an unexpected pregnancy, Anna and her husband hurried into marriage. But it wasn't long before Anna noticed that her husband was becoming increasingly evasive of caring for her children. At first, she thought that her husband was too busy at work, but in an argument, her husband confided in his heart: "You wanted to keep this child, and I also married you responsibly. ”
His promise is simply to be "responsible" to her and marry her, but he doesn't want to make more commitments, such as raising and educating children. Anna was desperate, and the marriage broke down shortly after.
It wasn't until she entered her next marriage that Anna realized: "My first husband wasn't loyal to me, he just kept flirting with me on a parody." Now I understand what kind of commitments should be made between partners. ”
Intimate partners understand and support each other in life based on the goals and meaning of life they agree with, and when partners ignore or refuse to discuss these deep issues, they are left with superficial commitments, and when faced with great changes in life, it is easy to fall apart.
And the subtext of this superficial commitment is: "I'll be with you... Until a better, more suitable candidate emerges. ”
At six o'clock in the morning Mary received a call from the hospital, and her father was taken to the hospital for rescue due to coronary artery thrombosis. Her husband, James, apologized to her for having an important meeting and not being able to go to the hospital with her.
On the way to the hospital, Mary sent a message to her husband, but did not reply for a long time. Mary sat in the waiting room in silent tears—not only because of her father's dangerous condition. She was in so much pain that she tried to convince her husband that she had to have that meeting.
After the meeting, her husband asked her worriedly how she was doing, and she hid her dissatisfaction, snubbing and alienating her husband while sulking. When asked what was wrong, he just replied "it's okay".
James made the fatal mistake of not putting his wife first when she had a strong emotional need. But Mary's subsequent indifference puts their marriage at risk. Together, these two reactions took their marriage downhill.
Mary decides to make up for the gap, telling her husband that his absence makes her feel angry and rejected. The husband also admitted that he did not go because he felt that he was unable to help Mary cope with her grief. He was afraid that he would say the wrong thing and was shocked by the harm his actions had done to his wife.
Although Mary was still sad about her husband's withdrawal, she thought that her husband's behavior was also out of love, and he accepted his husband's apology. It is true that partners will have different emotional needs and expressions, but in a relationship, partners should learn to make each other feel love, security and support.
James never hid his contempt for Mary: "Why can't you even cook?" I don't know what else you can do! ”
In contrast, Sandy's husband is more euphemistic: "It's a person who knows that this is definitely not going to work, you see, screw it up." ”
No matter what kind of communication your partner uses, if he/she shows contempt for you, whether it is frequent verbal abuse or small snubs, this domineering attitude is emotional abuse!
For love, breaking a promise is almost tantamount to deliberate deception.
Living together means reaching consensus on certain basic issues and daily expectations. Your dreams and futures, your commitments to each other, whether explicitly expressed or not, strengthen your relationship.
But if these promises are broken, disappointment can also undermine your trust and expectations for the future.
When Mary and James first got married, they agreed that each person would take a portion of their salary and put it into a common account to prepare for the future purchase. But now slowly, Mary's savings began to dwindle. After all, what woman wouldn't want to buy a few more clothes and a few bags? Mary comforted herself in this way.
Eventually, James discovers that the consequences that followed were more serious than Mary's direct confession. James thinks Mary doesn't respect herself and doesn't care about their future: "Obviously we said yes, but she didn't even tell me!" ”
You can imagine how fragile the trust between them has become. If they fail to rebuild their trust in each other, James's anger is likely to spread beyond the affair and hurt Mary in more things.
A marital relationship is a commitment, and blindly starting a relationship is tantamount to trying to build a gorgeous palace on a foundation that is not strong. Fortunately, the above betrayals are not serious, and the partners who are truly in love are expected to solve these problems.
If this article resonates with you, you are welcome to leave the mark of your presence. Future articles will introduce the scientific methods of operating intimate relationships, and you are welcome to pay attention.