I am me, fireworks of different colors, the sky is wide, to be the strongest foam; I like me, let the rose blossom a kind of fruit, in the lonely desert, still blooming naked! ——Zhang Guorong, "I"
In the final life of "brother" Zhang Guorong, whether it is himself, his sister Zhang Luping, or the closest friends such as Mei Yanfang, Maggie Cheung and Lin Qingxia, everyone wants to help him get rid of the shadow and suffering of depression. However, either passing by or powerless, they have always been by Zhang Guorong's side, but they have always been unable to truly enter the heart of their "brother".
One night in March 2003, Lin Qingxia asked Mr. Zhang Guorong to watch a movie. When she saw her brother, he leaned against the wall and smiled at her. Lin Qingxia remembered it clearly. At that time, my brother's smile was like an angel, and he couldn't help but blurt out: "Leslie, you are so beautiful!" “
Because the movie is too violent, Lin Qingxia is in a very bad mood after the dissolution. When he came out of the theater, his brother Zhang Guorong put his hand on Lin Qingxia's shoulder
That is to say, at that moment, Lin Qingxia felt her brother's trembling hand. She knew her brother's depression was getting worse. After Zhang Guorong left, Lin Qingxia suddenly remembered the acupuncture doctor in the mainland and persuaded her brother to try to see if she could alleviate the pain of depression.
However, the days are always unsatisfactory, in the heyday of HONG KONG SARS, Lin Qingxia temporarily shelved this matter, and since then, she has never seen her brother Zhang Guorong again, except in a dream.
"I thought I might have depression. The cause of illness is dissatisfaction with oneself, dissatisfaction with others, dissatisfaction with the world. That time can be expressed in dark times. --Zhang Guorong
On April 1, 2003, On April Fool's Day, Zhang Guorong met with his friend Mo Binghua for lunch and talked for nearly three hours. That day, affected by SARS, my brother wore a mask. I heard that there are people with coughs nearby, so remind friends to pay attention to the people around them. Mo Binghua said that I looked at Zhang Guorong, and Zhang Guorong was very nervous, his hands trembling.
In the conversation between Mo Binghua and Zhang Guorong, he talked about many ways to deal with depression, and his brother himself said that he wanted to go to Sichuan to breathe reiki.
My friend suggested that if it was too hard to sleep, take some sleeping pills. If the amount is too large, it can also be found in time, you can get their help, and you can save it in time. However, at this time, the brother said: "If a person wants to die, the best way is to jump." ”
Mo Binghua absolutely did not expect that Zhang Guorong did not joke with him, and after the two were separated for a few hours, his brother really chose a way to jump down and ended his life.
If I can't live proudly, I'd rather die! ——" "Red Lover", "Jin" played by Zhang Guorong, once said a sentence.
In the face of many doctors' words and exaggerated media reports, Zhang Guorong's brain, which was originally in pain, became more and more chaotic, during which whenever Mr. Zhang Guorong had a depression attack, his whole body was in pain, and he almost tore his own flesh to pieces, he cried several times, and could not sleep all night.
A person who indulges in the role of a movie will bring no temptation and danger to this movie, but, in real life, the man who has always insisted on himself, pursued perfection, and constantly looks for himself finds himself in this extreme way.
Zhang Guorong on the screen is a person with eight faces, Zhang Guorong on the stage is dumped on sentient beings, but in real life he seems so fragile, so far, I believe that my brother Zhang Guorong did not commit suicide, but died of illness.
"Dare to love and dare to admit, dare to speak without losing measure, respect for the elders, support the younger generations, be serious about the work, and do everything possible for friends..." This is the evaluation that Jacky Cheung made to him at his brother's funeral, and it is also the impression that Zhang Guorong left on everyone, although simple and not gorgeous, but the words are heart-wrenching.
In fact, the "brother" in our mouths is just an ordinary person, with his own happiness and troubles, his own dreams and helplessness. When he was a child, he once lacked maternal love. He is full of talent, and he has also been unpaid. He is single-minded for love, and he is not accepted by the world. He longed for health and unfortunately fell seriously ill. He jumped from the twenty-fourth floor, and it all came to an end. All that's left is his peerless scenery.
When the wind rises again, in the middle of the silent night, I think of your support for me, and then I hear the cheers crying out my thanks, although I have said goodbye, there is still a trace of warmth, but there is still no trace of remorse! ——Zhang Guorong, "When the Wind Rises Again"
In the eighteen years since his brother Zhang Guorong left, whenever the wind rises again, we always can't help but look back and see this man who is called "brother" - Zhang Guorong.