Recently, I have seen many cases of the "original family" being held responsible: the success of the child is the success of the original family education; the child is not a device, it is the failure of the education belonging to the original family, and what is more, it is the "pit dug by the parents for the child".
I am deeply sorry for the parents of the "original family", the heart of parents who love their children is no one can replace, and others have no right to accuse at will.
A few days ago, I posted a dynamic caused by Li Yundi in Baijia, which received more than 20,000 readings and more than 300 likes and comments.
(i)
Indeed, the pianists Lang Lang and Li Yundi, so far, one in the sky and one on the ground.
Lang Lang married a beautiful wife and gave birth to a baby, and the family was happy and happy.
But Because of his misconduct, Li Yundi suddenly fell off the altar, happy, and watched as he was getting farther and farther away from him.
I remember that after Li Yundi became famous with a "Chopin First Piano Concerto", many people gave a thumbs up to his mother: under strict requirements, he successfully cultivated a piano prince.
However, after Li Yundi's accident, some good deeds were traced to his mother, all because he was too strict when he was a child, and when he grew up, he did not let go at the right time, resulting in his life having no self at all, and finally lost and fell.
Indeed, the growth of every child, the mother as the most direct nurturer, has a great responsibility, wants to do her best, give everything to the child to succeed, just think, every mother, in the early stage of cultivation, who thought of failure? Who thought children were unhappy?
However, because of the mother's knowledge, cultural background, personality characteristics, family environment and other factors, after all, the mother, is only a mortal, always have such and such shortcomings, although very hard and hard, but there will always be imperfections, even regrets, regrets.
I remember that after Lang Lang became famous in one fell swoop, his success was accompanied by his father: quit his job, accompanied Lang Lang to Beijing to learn the piano, strict requirements, devil training, etc., all of which were well educated, as if he was a successful educator.
However, I wondered, what about Lang Lang's mother? In that era, to be able to support a family life, but also to go to Beijing to study, the cost is not a small amount, military merit badge, why is there no mother's name?
(ii)
Some time ago, after Zhu Xiaowei, the son of Brother Coat, was divorced, the network detective dug again: the reason why Zhu Xiaowei was so uncontentious was "the pit dug by his parents".
It is said that after the coat brother became famous, his son did not study well, his grades plummeted, and he had to use money to go to school. But despite this, Zhu Xiaowei still took the money to play games.
In an interview, Brother Dayi said of his son: In the future, become a farmer, cultivate the land at home, find a reasonable daughter-in-law, and live this life safely.
Does Brother Coat not want his son to go to college? Don't want your son to have a better future?
He also saw that his son was not the material for learning, so he lowered his expectations for his son again and again, and finally, even if you just ploughed the land, as long as you were safe.
This is also the true portrayal of Chinese parents' parenting process for their children:
When the child is born, he plans the route of a lifetime: to be a bully, to be admitted to a prestigious school, to have a special and face-to-face job, and to have no worries about food and clothing.
However, with the growth of the child, the interest, vision, etc. continue to expand, the child may not be interested in learning, or is a can not afford to support Adou, parents in addition to hoping that he can successfully spend this life, what else can he do?
Therefore, parents have suddenly become so humble from the grand blueprint customized for their children: all my efforts, as long as you can be safe and smooth, it is worth it.
Just think, what parent does not want their children to soar, have a brilliant career, contribute to their home and country, and become a person with achievements?
However, since the child is not the material that has become a big instrument, it is better to retreat to the second place and do anything, as long as it is safe to spend this life.
This is the most selfless and true love!
Whether it is strict discipline or too much doting, the essence of parents is to hope that their children will be happy, healthy, and live better.
After all the efforts to cultivate, in the end the child succeeds, the whole family celebrates; the child does not become a useful talent, and even restlessly provokes some things, the whole world comes to accuse you, to hold the original family responsible.
The term "original family" refers to a family in which the children are not yet married and still live with their parents.
In any case, it is the safest harbor before our wings are full, and it allows us to eat and clothe, even to be unscrupulous and willful, to tolerate all our faults.
Therefore, we should be full of gratitude for the original family, and try to return and maintain that good and innocent memory; it should not be the source of our own bad life and seek.
(iii)
I remember a distant relative in my hometown, there were two daughters in the family, a son, the son was a kind of unintelligent child since he was a child, although the body is not lacking, but always a wooden feeling.
This is worried about the heart of the old father and mother, ah, try their best, to marry a daughter-in-law who is similar to him, but also to bring up two children, seeing that the old father has passed away, the old mother has an age, but also all kinds of worries, want to arrange the future life as much as possible, so that the son can also enjoy the old age.
Once in a while, I go back to see me once in a while, and I feel that as a mother of the original family, what should I do to achieve success?
A child whose body and intelligence are normal or even good, it is still possible for parents to work hard to cultivate an excellent child; but for a child who is not healthy enough and whose intelligence is not very good, the parents will actually pay more, and it is still the kind of ineffective payment.
(iv)
Speaking of myself, I was strictly educated by my mother since I was a child, especially in junior high school, I had to try what my mother did not agree with, and my mother approved, whether wrong or right, I was against it.
It wasn't until later, when I became a mother, and even when my daughter was not yet born, that I understood my mother and reconciled with myself.
Now, for my daughter, I generally pay attention to loving education and accompanying my heart.
At present, the daughter is 7 years old, has not fought, and each quarrel will not exceed 5 minutes, and one party will take the initiative to reconcile.
Once, the daughter heard the child being beaten and wanted to try, well, just experience it, the result is to give her "hit" comfortable, and continue, and finally ended the game with me surrendering!
In fact, I would like to say that no matter what kind of life our original family gave us, we should look back and smile and smile, and then try to live the life we have now.
Instead of breaking the jar and breaking the jar at the slightest displeasure, ruining everything now, and then pushing the responsibility all over to the original family.
A truly mature person will not blindly blame his parents for the harm they have done to them in their early years, but will put them back into their respective original families to understand and reconcile with their inner obsessions.
Think about it, we who have formed a new family, most of the remaining in the original family are old fathers and mothers looking forward to it, or only two yellow lights and a room full of memories.
What we can actually do is to give back more warmth to our original family when there is still a chance, and also to give more companionship and love to our parents who have worked tirelessly to raise us.
When you can see the influence of your birth family on yourself, you begin to grow. And when you can understand why your parents do it, you become more mature.
Grateful for everything that the original family brings us, good and bad, because that is the best that parents can give us!