There is a word on the Internet called midlife crisis.
When people reach middle age, from the workplace to the family, various crises will be found, especially women, and will increase the crisis of appearance.
Yes, in this world, men have men's difficulties, women have women's troubles, in the Chinese traditional culture disseminator Liang Dong talked to 16 wise people in the book "Liang Pin: The Way of Cultivating the Heart", the writer Zhang Defen talked about how wise women should grow.
1. Cultivate awareness of having relationships
In the book, Zhang Defen mentions the seven forces that make himself an inner goddess, namely awareness, emotion, choice, resilience, play, vitality and creativity.
Among them, Zhang Defen believes that awareness is the most important force.
In the book, she gives examples:
She was an unconscious person before she grew up, especially when it came to children.
Once, Zhang Defen's ex-husband told her that he really wanted to record what you said to your children and let you hear how hurtful they were.
At that time, Zhang Defen did not think so, and it was not until later that Zhang Defen understood that he was in a state of "unconsciousness" at the beginning.
When the child is five or six years old, Zhang Defen feels that he should not scold the child like this after losing his temper with the child, such a state is "hindsight".
Later, before she wants to criticize the child, she will wait until her irritability and dissatisfaction have passed, and then find him to communicate.
Such a state is "prophetic foresight."
This is why, the wiser the person, the smaller the temper, not to suppress the temper, but to increase awareness.
2, independence, does not mean that there is no intimate relationship
In the eyes of many women, independence and intimacy are mutually exclusive.
For example, in the recent hit TV series "Under the Warm Sun", Chen Songying is like this, she married a very good husband, and she felt that she had to match such a husband, such as independence, to make herself a strong woman.
The marriage of two people has slowly become a "roommate" marriage: sleeping in separate rooms, busy with each other, and rarely seeing each other once a week.
Sometimes, the husband wants to consciously cultivate an intimate relationship, but Chen Songying is very sensitive to language, and if one or two sentences are not dealt with, the two people will end up arguing.
In fact, Chen Songying, who has a successful career and is independent, also cares about intimate relationships, but because of the independent title, he always wants to take the lead.
Zhang Defen said in the book: "I always encourage women now, don't tie their emotions to men, and learn to be independent. But independence does not mean that there is no intimate relationship, but emotional and spiritual independence. ”
That is to say, after two people are together, they are moving in one direction, but also allow each other to see the scenery you don't like, and you are the same, don't give up your self and give up your hobbies for each other.
Such feelings are long-lasting.
Moreover, when you are independent, you will not have too many expectations and fantasies about feelings, and such a marriage is easier to maintain for a long time.
3) Don't leave yourself in a difficult situation
I think one of Zhang Defen's best views is to learn how others face and how to get out of the same situation.
We all know how to set an example for our children, so that children learn to deal with things correctly, but rarely take the initiative to learn on their own to see how others deal with them.
In a person's life, he will encounter many difficulties, and when he is old, he will not say anything, but only talk about the problems of marriage.
In marriage, we will encounter all kinds of problems, some people will encounter the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, some people will not be able to get along with their lovers, and some people will only focus on children.
No one is willing to be trapped in such a dilemma, some people will choose to cry and make a fuss, and shock each other with their temper, and some people will choose to take a step back in an attempt to maintain a superficial peace.
But this can't get you out of the predicament of life, make trouble, and finally let your life stop in front of these difficulties.
In fact, we can look outward for role models and see how others deal with these things.
Of course, because of the differences in people, the method cannot be completely copied, but the idea can be referenced.
As Zhang Defen said:
"There are many solutions in the world, as long as we ask, we can get a lot of help, but many people are always ashamed to say it."
We are either born wise, and instead of looking down and making a mess of our lives, we should look around and see how others are doing.
No matter what it is, when, there is always nothing wrong with having a positive mindset towards the world.
Don't limit your gaze, don't limit your life, maybe on the way forward, there will be a lot of things that hinder us from moving forward, but as long as we are bent on moving forward, even if the pace is slower, it is all the way to good!