Text/The warmth of the morning light, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
"Marriage is a besieged city, and people in the city want to go out, and people outside the city want to come in."
This sentence is familiar to everyone, in fact, it has the second half of the sentence:
"If marriage is a person who loves you and spoils you, does not want to see your pain and tears, and is even willing to give everything for your smile, this is a happy city gate." 」
A good marriage, everyone desires, but to run a good marriage, it is not an easy task.
Ning Caishen, the screenwriter of "The Tale of Wulin", flashed marriage with Cheng Jiao'e within a month of acquaintance, and even signed a husband and wife agreement, but after marriage, there was love, mutual help and mutual support, not to abandon, do they have any happiness code?
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The first time Ning Caishen saw Chen Jiao'e was at a party. When they first met, the lively and lovely Cheng Jiao'e left a deep impression on Ning Caishen.
After they met, the two had several contacts, but they were with friends and never got along alone.
Once, Ning Caishen was hesitating to find some reason to send an invitation, when he suddenly received a text message from Cheng Jiao'e, the content was simple and direct: "Get out of the assembly, go out to eat crayfish." ”
What a cheerful girl, the two hit it off and happily had their first date.
Love is coming, and it can't be stopped.
The cycle from acquaintance to hand-in-hand between Ning Caishen and Cheng Jiao'e took only one afternoon, and a month from acquaintance to marriage.
In fact, Ning Caishen once declared:
"I only want love, not marriage."
Flash marriage undoubtedly broke the declaration of ning caishen. So what made him give up his freedom, go into marriage, and spend his life with a woman?
Before getting married, Cheng Jiao'e said a very simple sentence to Ning Caishen:
"I'm going to marry you, but I'm willing to divorce you at any time..."
Ning Caishen was stunned at that time and asked in surprise:
"You mean that as long as I file for divorce, you will never object?"
Cheng Jiao'e nodded, "As long as you say leave, I will sign it immediately." However, while you are married to me, you are not allowed to do anything that is sorry for me. ”
After Ning Caishen agreed, the two signed a jointly drafted "Prenuptial Agreement", and Cheng Jiao'e also invited 3 of their mutual friends to be notaries.
Many people may not understand Cheng Jiao'e's thoughts, they will feel, when they get married, they think about going to divorce?
In fact, nothing is eternal, including love, there will always be a fading day; beauty may be able to bring love, but one day, you will be old and decayed; money may also be able to bring love, but there may also be a day, you will be scattered; love is for a reason, and these reasons with the passage of time may disappear, so marriage, is not a refuge for love, if there is not enough confidence, it is really difficult to control marriage.
Then, we should know: whether it is love or marriage, the real confidence is not that he loves you the most and only loves you, but that I can easily lose you.
In Intimate Relationships, Christopher Meng says:
"Learn to let go and accept. If you can not impose your own needs on your partner, you can find within yourself what you really need, and you can learn to accept your original self without thinking that you need something to be complete. ”
Only when you can face loss calmly, can you love rationally when you love, boldly and restrainedly; when you are not loved, there is no resentment or revenge, just a big stride away from the hair, with this confidence, this marriage may be easier to last.
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Ning Caishen did not like to go out, nor did he like to travel, and most of the time he wrote at home. After getting married, Cheng Jiao'e resigned from her job, accompanied her husband, and contracted positions such as nannies, secretaries, and agents.
Ning Caishen once said dotingly:
"Usually she's by my side, and I write, otherwise I can't write anything."
When he was in the crew, he was always hungry for a full meal and had no nutrition, so she bought him cooking utensils and gave him meals that she made herself.
In addition to the thoughtfulness in daily life, Cheng Jiao'e can also inspire the inspiration of Ning Caishen, and there are many classic passages in "The Tale of Wulin", which are nagged out by two people together, and many lines are even from the improvisational passages that Cheng Jiao'e usually says.
It can be said that in the creative achievements of Ning Caishen, Cheng Jiao'e is indispensable. The fire of "The Tale of Wulin" is the crystallization of the collective wisdom of two people.
In order to be grateful to his wife, Ning Caishen's works after marriage will basically sign the names of the two screenwriters "Ning Caishen and Cheng Jiao'e".
Two people in a marriage do not always think of sacrificing for each other or paying selflessly, but share responsibilities, make progress together, and achieve each other.
Cheng Jiao'e has a cheerful personality and likes to be funny, Ning Caishen is more introverted and dull, and Cheng Jiao'e casually says a paragraph, which can amuse Ning Caishen.
The couple is like a pair of rotating gears, and they can also learn from each other's strengths, which makes the marriage boat sail forward steadily.
If that's all, it's not surprising that their love fairy tales are the focus of the latter.
On the 5th anniversary of the marriage, Ning Caishen took out the "prenuptial agreement" and wanted to tear up the agreement and give up the right to freedom.
But Cheng Jiao'e wouldn't let her. Why?
Cheng Jiao'e said that if she really wanted to abolish the agreement, she would do it, but she should give her a written reason to convince herself. Ning Cai Shen was accompanied by words all day, how could this matter be difficult for him?
This propositional essay on marriage, Ning Caishen wrote extremely seriously, dissected extremely sincerely, such as:
"My marriage to my wife, which began with a contract, was in the besieged city but had a permit to leave the city at any time, and what we considered was not whether there was love or not, but to make this kind of staying together a habit, and finally to become who could not be separated from whom..."
"Isn't the measure of whether a marriage is perfect or not, not to see how long two people can live together in tacit understanding?" In this sense, marrying a woman who is willing to divorce at any time without divorcing is love..."
Surprisingly, Cheng Jiao'e read her husband's text reason, she only gave him 60 points, really surprised Ning Caishen, and also suggested that Ning Caishen write a piece every year on his wedding anniversary, when to get 100 points, before he could throw the agreement into the shredder.
In Intimate Relationships, the author says:
"The real motivation behind starting and maintaining an intimate relationship is actually the need."
That's right, Cheng Jiao'e is well versed in this.
Will the day she said ,"When will I get 100 points?" It may never come. But this tune is set here, and people can't help but marvel, such a wise woman! Always let the man pursue your affirmation, but also let him not slacken off, will he not be led by you for a lifetime?
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Ning Caishen and Cheng Jiao'e, both of them have love for each other in their hearts, and the agreement is or not, it is just a dispensable piece of paper.
On the tenth anniversary of the couple's encounter, Ning Caishen showed a lot of love, or the kind of dog food pipe that was full.
Not only that, Ning Caishen revealed the secret of getting along with his wife - "mutual suppression".
Here's what he said:
"Ten years ago, we made an agreement that whether we were richer or richer, whether we were healthy or healthier, whether we cheated or not, we would suppress each other and never give up."
Ning Caishen also frankly said:
"Ten years later, we have changed from lovers who did not see each other every day to relatives who did not see each other in three autumns, and the previous agreement is still there. Whatever form our love will transform into, it will not be one point less. ”
Most of the love affairs in the entertainment industry are short-lived, ning caishen and his wife can insist on ten years of love long-distance running, and can also remember the day the two met, which shows the specialization of love.
However, the use of love expertise requires character foundation, but also skill assists. Praise can indeed increase the pleasure of two people, but excessive praise will make people feel out of touch with reality, talk too much, will make people feel disgusting, often able to maintain within a certain boundary scale of "mutual pity", this is the only way to improve intimacy.
In the end, love affairs will be as calm as water, so we must learn to suppress each other. Especially for men in marriage, men are easily arrogant, and after you give him a top hat and find that he is floating, you have to shoot him down and let him get a little angry.
Let's talk about "never leave or abandon".
The maintenance of marriage is indeed not based on a paper agreement, but on the true insistence of the heart.
There's a sentence in "Intimacy" that moved me a lot, it said:
"Eventually you will find that your needs are not fully met, and you will be disappointed and even resentful."
That is to say, there are always unsatisfactory places in marriage, but if as long as the other party cannot do what they want, they begin to denigrate, control, and even want to abandon, then such a person will never have a bad life.
On the contrary, if you no longer expect it, but in your heart you firmly believe that this life, no matter what, will go with you, then naturally your marriage boat will be able to sail all the way.
Think of a couple in the entertainment industry. Cai Shaofen has had an unbearable past, and Zhang Jin is also tepid in the show business circle, the two people from love to marriage, because of "Cai Shaofen's black material" and "strong women and weak men", and are not optimistic about the outside world.
But the two people made up their minds to be together, so, in the low period of Zhang Jin's career, Cai Shaofen has been with him, giving comfort, giving encouragement, and not abandoning.
Later, Zhang Jin counterattacked successfully, from a stand-in who did not deserve a name that year, and finally won the Hong Kong Film Award for Best Supporting Actor.
In his acceptance speech, Zhang Jin said emotionally:
"Everyone says that I have relied on my wife Cai Shaofen to achieve today step by step, yes, I just want to rely on her, because the happiness of my life can only rely on her."
Looking at Cai Shaofen under the stage, she had already cried into tears.
What is the most beautiful thing about love?
Romantic dating, sweet words, all are not, do not give up is the most beautiful look of love, is the longest confession of love. And what this confession needs is your atmosphere and righteousness.
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Loved a quote from Intimate Relationships.
"Your intimate partner is all about helping you to know yourself better, heal your wounds, and ultimately find your true self, so it is a bridge to our souls." 」
That's right, if we can look at partners in intimate relationships that way, maybe whether you're married or divorced, you can be "unsympathetic."
If you want to run a good marriage, there is no universal truth, but as long as you are willing to know yourself through the other party, heal yourself, and find your true self, then there is no failed marriage, only a marriage that is not well managed.
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This "Intimate Relationship" is my bedside book, whenever I have some contradictions and problems in my marriage, it is my guiding light, it has accompanied me through a lot of difficult mental processes, and it has also allowed me to find the secret key to open the road to marital happiness, and you deserve it.
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