What should life be like for a 90-year-old woman?
Get up in the morning to eat and bask in the sun, and go to bed early after dinner.
If you are healthy, you can also take a walk and dance square dance, which is the life of most of China's elderly in their later years.
But Grandma Hengzi, a 90-year-old psychiatrist, still works 4 days a week.
Even after a difficult marriage, difficult balance between children and work, and heavy work, she did not stop working.
"Worth it in the world" is a philosophical little book written by Hengzi's grandmother to life, combined with her life experience and 70 years of psychological experience to tell readers: no matter what happens, do not stop the pace of life, frankly accept every day, live well in the moment, life is naturally worthwhile, live happily.
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Yao Chen gave a speech in the "Starry Sky Speech", which expressed the heartache of working mothers:
"This era is very demanding of women, and if you choose to be a professional woman, some people will say that you are a bad mother regardless of your family; if you choose to become a stay-at-home mother, some people will say that this is not a career." 」
To be able to take care of the family, but also to make money to support the family, this is the era of women's requirements, but also become a lot of working mothers to their own requirements.
As a result, working mothers fall into various anxieties: they cannot complete the work assigned by the leader on time, often lagging behind other colleagues; sudden conditions such as children's fever can only give up work leave to take care of; work and children must be taken into account, and they cannot fully participate in the companionship and education of their children.
The requirements are always perfect, and the more perfect is pursued, the easier it is to be swallowed up by perfection and exhaust physically and mentally.
Grandma Hengzi had the same experience, and it was the worst period of her life.
When her eldest son was five and her second son was two, the hospital urged her to go to work. Grandma Hengzi, who was preparing to return to work, had to hire her parents to take care of her children.
Since then, the parents have grasped the "real power" of the family.
The big and small things in the family are decided by their parents, and the children's sports meetings and visits are basically attended by them, and even their brothers have moved in together.
Gradually, Grandma Hengzi not only lost the right to educate her children, but also lost the dominance of life.
Over time, the husband also complained, and the number of drinks out became more and more frequent.
Between the tense relationship between her husband and her parents, Grandma Hengzi was very embarrassed.
No matter how bad it is around you, how tired you are physically and mentally, life will go on.
Grandma Hengzi did not give up her work, but also took care of the family, she began to adjust her mentality, only do what she can, do not require perfection, devote herself to the things in front of her, and let him go.
Imperfection is also possible, and there is no such thing as perfection in the world.
After about 10 years, the child entered puberty and the parents returned to their hometown. Grandma Hengzi was finally liberated from the gap between her husband and parents and returned to the family.
During this period, as a psychiatrist, her experience and strength have been enhanced, so she has become an indispensable backbone in the workplace.
Life is like this, often the more you care, the more you pursue perfection, the more unattainable.
Therefore, instead of constantly frustrated in the pursuit of perfection, it is better to stick to it in a clumsy way, imperfect or not, just pass.
Focus on the present, do what you can, and heaven will not fail to live up to all your investment and persistence.
Grandma Hengzi, 27, married to what a friend called "a surgeon who is not bad", only to find out after marriage that it was not good.
The husband's character is not bad, but he loves to drink and spend money excessively.
Only when Hengzi's grandmother threatened him with the divorce papers could the husband pause for a while, but soon after began to repeat itself.
Grandma Hengzi, who has been in a state of anger, finally wants to understand: changing this person is in vain, how to make the family life happy, can only rely on themselves.
So she worked hard and earned money on her own to support her family.
Grandma Hengzi said: "The essence of life is to live alone!" So will not be troubled by uneasiness and loneliness all the time. ”
Even when she is with her children, she always holds the idea that "even if you love the children very much, they will grow up to be independent and start their own lives" thinking.
This is life, the essence is a person.
If we realize this, we will not expect too much from others, and we can achieve "rejoice when we come, and let go when we go."
On the contrary, it is such a state that makes us more relaxed in dealing with gains and losses, and it is most comfortable and relaxed to get along with others.
Liu Tong once mentioned in "One Person is One Person": "People or things in the outside world are a variable, and only they are the source of stable strength."
Only you can give yourself an eternal sense of security!
This can't help but remind me of the talented woman Zhang Youyi, a woman who walked out of marriage and lost her son by herself and lived a successful woman in China.
In her marriage to Xu Zhimo, she lived in the expectation of Xu Zhimo, even if she had done a good job, she was still afraid of everything. Afraid of divorce, afraid of doing wrong things, afraid of not getting the love of her husband, living a humble life.
After leaving Xu Zhimo, the pain of divorce and loss of her son made her sober and understand that everything in life was to rely on herself.
Overnight, she turned into a sonorous rose, and even though the wind and rain were raging, she was fearless and quickly created a wonderful thing that really belonged to her.
I look forward to having you and returning to the spring to the earth together, but if you want to leave, I can still let everything wake up and the incense float all over the city.
A person can also live out their own wonderful.
I have seen a saying that says:
"A woman's best state is nothing more than a story in her eyes, but no wind and frost on her face." Smile every day, don't envy anyone, don't laugh at anyone, and don't rely on anyone. A person quietly strives to live out the way he wants to be. ”
You are your biggest reliance! Not attached to anyone, not living under the expectations of others, a person is more and more frustrated, creating a gorgeous stage for himself and blooming.
Why do people get anxious?
Because I'm always worried about what hasn't happened in the future.
Regarding anxiety, Grandma Hengzi has always been sober:
"It's no use worrying about the future, have you ignored what's in front of you?" I only care about what's in front of me. ”
Just be clear about what you're going to do today, because living, all kinds of accidental situations can happen, and you can't control it.
Grandma Hengzi treats the worst things in life in this way: such as alcoholic husbands, children who are sick and sick, and busy work.
Even so, she should eat as much as she wants, sleep when she should, and treat life well, so that most of the things that bother her can be solved.
So, no matter what, don't ignore what's in front of you, that's what matters. Whether it is their own work, children, or housework, no matter what, they cannot let the life in front of them live in a messy and depressed way.
When you try to do the things in the moment, you will be pleasantly surprised to find that the things you were worried about have disappeared.
The famous female writer Sanmao once said:
"I love life, I love it very much, as long as the little things in life make me happy. The belief in living is even more fervent, although it is an ordinary day, it is still wonderful to be alive. ”
Focusing on what's in front of you, enjoying the thrill of the moment, even the pleasure of a small thing can ignite a passion for life.
If we are always anxious about what has not yet happened, negative emotions will blind our eyes and cover our hearts, and even if there are flowers around us, we will not be able to experience a pleasant mood.
Just like when we were children, the spring courtyard is full of flowers, the summer watermelon is full of food, the autumn harvest is piled up in the warehouse, and the winter fire stove is full of melons and chats, all of which make us happy.
And after adulthood, watching the flowers bloom sadly, eating watermelon to worry about stomach discomfort, not to mention farm work, after the autumn harvest is also worried about distribution, even if the stove gossips, the words can not avoid the trivialities and troubles in life.
The child's eyes are only in the present moment, so he can always enjoy the present moment and enjoy the happiness in front of him.
In the adult world, I think too much, worry too far, and it is difficult to perceive the simple happiness of the moment.
Life is not satisfactory nine times out of ten, sadness is also a day, happiness is also a day, it is better to put everything down for the time being, do a good job in front of you, enjoy the current state of mind, you will find that there is fun everywhere in life.
If the worries come, they will be faced calmly, and life will still be happy without coming.
"This Killer Is Not Too Cold" asks:
"Is life always so painful? Or is it only like this when you were a kid? ”
yes! Always.
There will always be all kinds of bad things in life, sadness and pain will follow, but even if life is a journey to death, happiness and hope will follow, and life is still worth it!
No matter what happens, believe in life, accept every day frankly, and live your life well.
"Worth in the World" is a book written by Hengzi's grandmother for a lifetime to help everyone get through the moment of human disqualification, and still be able to smile and say: "The world is worth it.".
Finally, I wish that after traversing the mountains and rivers, you still feel that the world is worth it!