I want to tell you something very interesting today:
The 33-year-old Japanese actress Yui Niigaki is married but does not live with her husband.
Stay in one building but live in a different house. Usually go back to their respective homes, and live together on weekends.
This mode of getting along is quite popular in Japan, called "separation marriage".
People who are familiar with The New Garden, you should remember that 5 months ago, when she announced her marriage, there was a "wail" on the Internet.
The "national wife" was married, and many people's hearts were broken.
This time it was reported that they were separated, and some people questioned whether the two people's feelings were not good?
I looked it up, and it really wasn't.
This is the ideal married life of Niigaki Yui-
At the age of 29, she gave an interview and expressed her desire to get married, "Just be a gentle person, he likes me." ”
She also describes life after marriage specifically:
Both have independent time,
But when you're happy, you want to spend it together.
Housework should also be shared.
Interestingly, this is quite similar to her married life in the TV series "Escape from Shame and Usefulness".
She is married to the person who plays her husband in the play, 40-year-old Hoshino Yuan.
Some people laughed and commented that it was not a love movie that was chased, but a live-action documentary.
The two fell in love because of the drama. When in love, Hoshino Gen moved to live next door to Niigaki Yui, usually rushing to announce and shoot dramas, eating together when the time comes, and living separately if they can't touch it.
Now that I'm married, I've lived that way.
Somewhat unexpectedly, as soon as the news came out, everyone was very envious.
"Suddenly willing to get married!"
"Ideal marriage, intimate and free."
"Finally have the right to sleep quietly!"
There are also people who really practice this kind of separation marriage, for most of the same reasons as Niigaki Yui,
"Protect your freedom".
Some people say that they have created a new model of marriage together -
The best relationship between husband and wife is the neighbor.
As soon as the "separation marriage" came out, many people questioned it -
It is better not to get married.
I approached a couple who were going through separation and asked how they felt.
Some of them are newly married, some have been married for many years, and they are raising children together, but interestingly, their answers are the same:
Separation and marriage are just needed.
First of all, having the freedom to sleep.
"I love you, but we can't really sleep together" should be the curse of many intimate relationships.
The softness of the mattress, sleep habits, work and rest, any point of difference, may ruin the other half of the sleep.
@Lemon, 26, not only slept in separate beds with her husband, but also shared toilets.
Mainly afraid of noise tormenting each other.
She has to go to work at 7 o'clock and her husband from 8:10 a.m. She got up, washed and put on makeup, and inevitably there was a sound.
Not to mention the trivial differences:
She doesn't like to fold quilts, and he even has to keep the sheets neatly arranged.
She preferred soft mattresses, and he couldn't sleep at all when he lay on the soft bed.
She goes to bed early and gets up early, and he has to surf the web for a while at night.
Therefore, you can only sleep separately and leave a whole night for each other.
The 29-year-old @Ah Qiu is for his own cat.
The two cats were raised before they met their husbands, and their feelings were very deep. But the husband has a habit of cleanliness, and he can't force people to sleep with cats.
They are very tacit, each has a suite, and the two are three kilometers apart.
Eat together in the evening and play together, but don't stay overnight.
On weekends she left the cat behind and went to her husband's place to meet.
Second, it is not necessary to align living habits.
I also found out after the interview that there are so many trivial details of the original conjugal life that will collide.
@lemon said that he was very compatible with her husband and others, but when it came to dry food, it was not ok.
He was picky eater and she lost weight. Usually eat less, if you have to eat something you don't like to eat, that day will be ruined.
Each of them eats something they love, and everyone rejoices.
@Live in this moment is the only one who has children. Married for 5 years, the son is three and a half years old.
She and her husband live in a neighborhood, doing their own chores, washing their clothes, and bringing their children with them.
The husband liked to stuff the fridge and fill it with snacks and drinks. She loves minimalist life, there are so many things, it's really uncomfortable.
Finally, it's about giving each other a little breathing space.
@Ah Qiu said that when he encountered a variety show that everyone loved to watch, he chased it with his husband. What you don't like to see, everyone does. You don't have to force the other person, you have to accompany yourself.
She and her husband went back to their respective houses, and they would also open videos and chat about WeChat. Sometimes it is also mixed with the mouth.
But when quarreling, the husband usually goes to the room alone to calm down and communicate with WeChat.
"Afraid of losing your mind and saying regretful words."
He types with WeChat, can look at it after typing, and can calm down.
Once the two of them argued, he did not come to dinner, but quietly bought fruit and put it on her doorstep.
The most interesting thing is that @lemon, she told me frankly that the reason why I had to divide the rooms was that
"Sometimes I don't want to see him."
I remember looking up the information and seeing a very interesting news,
It is about a Japanese actress named Tanmi, her husband is a manga artist, in order not to affect their work and life, half of the time every week to live together, the other half of the time to live separately.
The headline for that news article was:
"39-year-old Tanmi, enjoying separation and marriage to go to the sauna 5 times a week,
Take a bath at home alone, uninterrupted. ”
During the interview, I also had a very interesting discovery -
All the wives who are overmarried tell me that there is a necessary condition for this:
Strong need independence.
@lemon husband, 35, said he had lived independently for the previous 35 years.
You can't let your wife solve it all as soon as you get married.
These husbands clean their own rooms, do their own laundry, take care of family life together, and raise children together.
@Live at this moment tells me more than once that "marriage is very draining".
When they both have children, they will have a breakdown. If one party can't stand it anymore, the other will immediately take it alone for hours.
Sometimes when the father and son have a conflict, she pulls the child over to give both sides a breathing time.
The son loves to sleep with his father more and likes to listen to his purring.
When Dad slept, she would be alone, listening to favorite music, walking, reading,
"Free but not alone."
She was happy with her life.
Even if I had the idea of whether to sell a house and change to a better residence, but after discussing with my husband, I dismissed it.
In order to maintain this balance.
But she also told me that the heating costs in winter are too expensive,
They would huddle in a house for warmth.
I think of singer Rene Liu.
She married at the age of 41, and after marrying her husband Zhong Xiaojiang, she also lived in the model of separate marriage.
Rooms are not shared.
Deliberately placed the two personal study rooms on the farthest diagonal of the home.
The two would watch their favorite movies, her husband and friends would go to favorite parties, and she would go to her favorite markets.
Rene Liu attaches great importance to the importance of the independent room to herself.
When she was a child, she played a family in the room, and when she grew up, she pondered the sadness of a lovelorn girl in the room in order to act.
"Having a space alone is still a necessity for me."
Even after she became a mother, a crib was placed in her bedroom,
She saw her space being compressed little by little,
The heart will be sad.
What struck me the most was the story of a Christmas tree in her marriage.
One year, Rene Liu wanted to buy herself a Christmas tree.
She made plans to wait for her husband to return and light up the Christmas tree and play Christmas music to surprise him.
But Mr. Plane was late, and she didn't wait.
But she was still happy,
She finally bought herself a Christmas tree.
After so many years of "separated" life, Rene Liu gave a heartwarming reason why it must be lived like this:
"Love yourself,
Not to become an abomination in marriage. ”
I know that "separated marriage" has a lot of doubts, will such a division make the feelings become strange?
I still want to answer with the marriage of Niigaki Yui.
Her husband, Hoshino Gen, was asked what touched him more about married life than living alone?
Here's his answer:
"When we eat together.
Talk about what happened today,
You can talk about anything and say something insignificant.
For example, at 1 o'clock in the evening, we drink tea,
Discuss something with the other person in particular sincerely
'Do you think it's okay to do this',
This made me feel very moved. ”
You're still going to enjoy a certain underpinnings in your marriage—
Connect with each other and resist together.
I remembered that Rene Liu wrote in her self-statement, and some people asked her, don't you live like a person when you live like this?
She replied:
Knowing that he is in another corner of the same home, in fact, the psychological feelings are still not the same.
The name she gave to the self-described book was:
"I Dare to Be Alone in Your Arms."
I think of another question about the marriage of the host Li Ai.
She and her husband chose to sleep in separate beds, and several female guests were shocked. One of them said that she could not be separated, and her mother-in-law told her,
"The bed can't be too big, the smaller the better."
But I think maybe we're all mistaken:
Two people in a marriage must have a little gap.
You can understand it as "loneliness."
But a good kind of loneliness, as the poet Rilke said,
"I've always thought of two people getting along,
This is their highest duty: to protect each other's loneliness. ”
And that's the last thing I want to say.
Separation marriage is just a mode of marriage, you can choose or not.
But the requirement that we must be independent in marriage and the hope of preserving ourselves is a direction worth looking forward to.
I've heard a saying before that the weak are not good at love, but I thought,
The weak are even less adept at marriage.
Must be independent enough, enough to be able to deal with the problems in life, and have enough confidence in their own lives,
In order to grasp the marriage.
Written by: Another extension
Internship: Commondodo
Editor-in-charge: Yuan Cangliang
Vespers Hours:
Please reserve some space in your world with each other,
Let the wind dance among you,
Love each other, but don't let love become a bondage, stand together,
But don't get too close, because the columns are separated to hold up the temple.
— Gibran