Qin Feng invited me to dinner yesterday, and the reason why he invited me to dinner was because his mother died at that time, and we followed the ceremony but we did not go, so he had to invite me to dinner.
Qin Feng's mother, Qin Lan, was my primary school teacher, very kind and amiable.
Teacher Qin is a single mother, Qin Feng's father is also surnamed Qin, and his father has died a long time ago. I heard that his father saved the people who fell into the water, saved others, and drowned himself.
Teacher Qin and his lover had a very good relationship, when her husband died, she cried very sadly, I already remembered at that time, later. Many people introduced the object to Teacher Qin, but she did not agree, and she is still alone.
She is very loyal to love, and many people admire her.
Qin Li is Qin Feng's younger sister, a year younger than me, because I have a good relationship with Qin Feng, so we have known each other since childhood.
When I was in elementary school, we were all more naughty, I spent more time with Qin Feng, and Qin Feng often let me go to his house to eat, so I was more familiar with Teacher Qin and Xiao Li, and the relationship was also very good.
Teacher Qin died. I was really surprised because he wasn't very old, that is, in his 60s, not long after retiring, and I don't know how she died, but I heard that she was in a car accident and couldn't move her legs and had to stay in bed.
When I learned about Teacher Qin's death, she had been buried for a long time, so I just gave Qin Feng 2,000 yuan to express my heart.
After graduating from elementary school, Qin Feng and I rarely saw each other, because when we were in junior high school, we were not in the same class, and when we were in high school, we were not in the same school. The number of meetings is very small.
Qin Feng studied very well, probably because his mother was a teacher, learning to grasp more tightly, his grades have been very good, and then he was admitted to 985.
I just went to an ordinary university, so I was embarrassed to contact him, and over time, I became even more estranged, but we both kept each other's contact information.
This time, Qin Feng said that he was on a business trip to Ningbo, and invited me to a meal by the way to thank me for my fucking feelings at that time. I thought it wasn't just for dinner, because after all, I was a good friend from many years ago, and it was the idea to meet and chat, so I agreed to his invitation.
At six o'clock in the afternoon, I arrived at the restaurant he had booked on time, a Sichuan restaurant. When I saw Qin Feng, I felt that he was quite thin, but he was still quite handsome, but I didn't know why he was still not married.
After ordering and drinking, we both ate and nagged.
I asked Qin Feng, "I'm in my 30s this year, so why haven't I found a partner yet?"
"My sons are in elementary school, and you're too picky, aren't you?"
He laughed a little, said to talk about a few, but after getting along for a while, it felt inappropriate, and then it was separated, and this year did not encounter anything suitable, so it was single.
"You ask not to be too high, people, appearance is not very critical, as long as it is a good personality, good character, can live together on the line, after all, two people together, not just all day looking at the so-called appearance." 」
Qin Feng smiled, laughing far-fetchedly, a little embarrassed.
After three rounds of wine, five flavors of dishes, and when we were about to drink, we talked about Teacher Qin. Chatting and chatting, Qin Feng's mood was a little different, and he poured two glasses of wine.
Qin Feng said, "Brother, if people don't make mistakes in this life, what they do can be done without regret, how good!" Many times, what was once self-righteous has become remorseful. ”
"How do you say that?" I asked, "Have you ever done anything you regret?" Why don't you come and listen? ”
Qin Feng suddenly blushed and said, "After graduating from college, I found several jobs, and then I was dismissed without a beginning or an end, and I didn't last long before I was fired." The girlfriend I had been talking to for a few years also proposed to break up with me. Because of the double whammy of work and emotion, I began to decadent. For a year or two, I was immersed in Internet cafes and tables.
But I sprinkled all my resentment and resentment on my mother.
I often gave him a look on his face, and the tone was quite bad, and I even often insulted her. Long-term non-compliance and self-indulgence have infected me with the vice of gambling, and when my money is spent, I ask my mother for it. Every time my mother tried to persuade me, I was very impatient, often insulted her, and even beat her.
When I think about it now, I really can't understand my own behavior, how I could be such a person.
This went on for three years, and in 2020, my mother was paralyzed in bed due to a car accident and was bedridden all day.
After the car accident, we also received a compensation payment. At first my mother was taken care of by me, and at first I was still doing my best, but after a long time, my patience was exhausted, and I could not do anything every day with a paralyzed person. My mood is very depressed, people are very irritable.
At the same time, my addiction could not be controlled, and slowly I neglected to take care of my mother, going in and out of large and small gambling rounds every day, and in less than half a year, the compensation was lost by me.
Every day when I watched my mother lying in bed and constantly nagging me to do something serious, I was out of control and very irritable. The attitude is even worse.
I don't know why at that time I couldn't remember my mother's kindness to us when I was a child, how much suffering I had endured for us, I was just thinking about how to take it from him and how to get rid of her burden. ”
Qin Feng slapped himself in the face fiercely.
"Finally, one day, my bad behavior reached its peak, and on that day, I helped my mother turn over. My mother was nagging me to go the right way, get rid of my gambling habits, and find a good woman to live a good life. I was very impatient, and finally burst out, why don't you die, you want to die without bothering me, will I still be like this?
At that time, my mother was very calm, changed her sad face in the past, smiled and said, Son, your rudeness and cruelty today are the seeds of future repentance, and how cold and cruel you are to me today, you will regret and blame yourself in the future.
At that time, I couldn't listen to my mother's words at all, and I threw down a sentence: I have been serving you for so long, it is my sister's turn, so I threw the door out, I called my sister, said that she would take care of her mother in the future, and then she left, and then left.
In this way, I left home for half a month and did not go back. By the time I returned, my mother was gone, and her funeral had been completed. I didn't attend her funeral, and the neighbors said my mom killed herself by cutting her wrists.
I found my sister and asked her why her mother died, she didn't tell me, and my sister coldly said three words: You don't deserve it! Throw me a letter, turn around and go.
The envelope reads "My son Qin Fengqi"; it was my mother's will left for me:
I have been a widow for many years, and I have worked hard to pull your brothers and sisters up, and I have not remarried because I am afraid that you will be wronged.
I thought that leading by example would teach you kindness and responsibility, but I never expected that when you grew up, you would become what you are today.
For the sake of the two of you, I gave all the tenderness and thoughtfulness that a mother should give.
Your sister is married and well, you're grown up, and I've done everything you're supposed to do, but it doesn't work. Now I have become a wasted person, a burden and a burden, and there is no reason to stay in this world. I still owe your father a promise that it's time for me to reunite with him.
All these years, everything you have done has deeply broken my heart, but I don't hate you, after all, you were born by me, and who let me give birth to you, this is karma.
As a mother, I still hope that you can let go of your baggage, live a good life, get rid of your bad habits, and find the right way back in your life.
Forget everything you have done to me over the past few years, I don't want you to carry a psychological burden, if nothing else, because you are my son, no mother does not want her children to live well.
When I die, don't blame yourself, feel sorry for yourself, this is my life.
I have paid enough for you, after I die, all my property and savings are donated to the Red Cross, all the organs that my body can use are donated, and I will not leave you anything. I'm going to cut off our mother-child relationship accordingly.
I don't want the words I said when we last met to come true, "How cold and cruel you are to me today, how much remorse and self-blame you will be in the future." ”
I just hope that if there is an afterlife, we will not see each other again.
When Qin Feng said this, he couldn't cry anymore.
I listened, my nose sour and my eyes blurred.
Qin Feng said that since then, his sister has severed ties with him and has never had any contact since.
He was also completely awakened by this matter, regained his strength, quit gambling, found a job, and started a new life. But his mother's words always fell into her ears, "How cold and cruel you are to me today, how much regret and self-blame you will be in the future." ”
He was often awakened by verbally abusing and beating his mother in his dreams.
"I found myself cursed by fate, and the only purpose of living was to atone for my sins, to bear pain to make up for my mistakes." Qin Feng cried bitterly.
When she heard Qin Feng's situation, she was silent, and I asked her if she could forgive Qin Feng, and she replied calmly: "Youth is gone, life is difficult to come back, and everyone must be responsible for their own behavior." Then she hung up the phone.
Perhaps, this is the cycle of heavenly paths in the underworld, and the retribution is not pleasant.