Fairy Tales of the Mind 16 Hide and Seek (Separation Anxiety)

In a beautiful big forest kingdom there is a tall and beautiful wooden house, the house lives a happy panda family, the family has a burly and strong father, a gentle and kind mother, and two lively and cute little girls, La La is the sister, Anda is the sister. La la and chia are twins, they look exactly the same, mom and dad can't tell the difference.

Cheer and Chi Chi are two years old, after dinner, the children pestering Mom and Dad to play games with them, what to play today? Mom came up with a fun game – hide-and-seek.

Mom said, "Mom closes her eyes, counts 10, you hide with Dad, and when Mom finishes counting, she will come to you to see who is hiding the most secret, and finally found." ”

"Great, let's play quickly!" Cheer and Oh want to play a game of hide-and-seek and can't wait to say.

"Good!" Mom said yes, turned around, closed her eyes, and began counting: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5!" ”

Just as Mom was counting, Dad and La-La-La-chi hurried to find a place to hide, and La-La-la-la-la-la

Mom counted loudly: "6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" Okay, Mom's done counting, are you hiding it? ”

La-la-la replied, "Hide it!" ”

Dad didn't answer, hiding in the bathtub without a word, motionless.

Mom said, "Well, I've come to you!" ”

Mom opened her eyes and began looking for La-La-la and Daddy. It is also strange to say that the mother immediately found the place where La La-la-la

But it is not so easy for mom to find dad, and mom hasn't found dad in many places. Mom asked Lala, "Kids, where did your dad hide?"

La-La-la smiled mysteriously and said, "We won't tell you! We're going to keep it a secret! In order to prevent her mother from discovering where her father was hiding, La la-la also blocked the bathroom door with her body to prevent her mother from entering.

But the strange thing is that the mother actually saw through the thoughts of la, pulled away from the child, and went straight to the bathroom to find the father hiding in the bathtub.

"Mom, you're so awesome, how quickly you found us!"

Mom smiled and said, "Actually, you told Mom where you were hiding!" ”

"Is it?" Lala thought it was strange, "Didn't we tell Mom?" ”

Now it was la-la-la-chi to come to Mom and Dad, they closed their eyes and began to count, and Mom and Dad hid. La-La-la-chi loudly counted 10 numbers and asked, "Okay, we're done counting, are you hiding it?" ”

Only to hear the voice of my mother answering from behind the curtains, "I'm hiding!" Dad still did not answer, la la la looked for the direction of his mother's voice, and found his mother without any effort.

"Haha! We've got you! La-la said happily.

"You've won, how did you find out about your mother's secret place?"

La-la said, "It was Mom's voice that brought us to find you!" ”

"That's right!" Mom smiled and said, "Then you know how Mom found out about you just now, right?" ”

La la-la suddenly realized that it was his own voice that exposed himself, "Mom also found us through the sound of our answers!" ”

"Yes!"

"But how did Mom know where Dad was hiding?"

Mom didn't answer, smiled and stood at the table and blocked the table with her body, saying, "I won't tell you, guess for yourself, right?" ”

La-la-la immediately knew the answer and managed to catch Dad from under the table.

Kids, do you know the answer? Guess where Daddy found It!

The revelation of the story

In the story of "Separation from Mother (Attachment Relationship)", the separation anxiety and attachment relationship of young children are mentioned, originally today's story was written after "Separation from Mother", but later considering that attachment relationship has a very important guiding role in love and marriage, I finally ranked it in the "marriage and family chapter".

Today's story is a further explanation for separation anxiety, which in addition to attachment to parents, also has a cause for cognitive development - object permanence. Today I will explain this concept to help you understand separation anxiety and use hide-and-seek methods to help children overcome separation anxiety. Because many parents are distressed by the separation anxiety of their children in nursery and kindergarten, every time they send their children to school, the children cry and break the mother's heart.

Objects are things other than non-entities (I). Object permanence is a concept in the psychology of child development, and professional interpretation refers to our common sense belief about the implicit nature of the basic nature of the object. In layman's terms, it means that the child understands that objects exist as independent entities, and that even if the individual is not aware of the existence of objects, they still exist. For example, I am alone in the house, and I also know that other objects such as parents, others, animals and plants live on the same earth as us, independent of each other and interconnected, forming an earth circle. A 7-year-old child is alone in his room, although he can't see his parents and can't hear their voices, but he knows that his parents are in a room at home, and he is safe.

Child psychologist Piaget believes that the permanent concept of objects in young children goes through 6 stages.

Stage 1 and Stage 2, 0 to 4 months. At this stage, the infant strives to track a moving object with his eyes until the object disappears from view, and then the infant immediately loses interest, turns to things, or continues to gaze briefly at the place where the object has disappeared.

In the third stage, 4 to 8 months, the baby begins to be able to predict the future position of the object according to its current direction of motion.

In the fourth stage, 8 to 12 months, children can use their hands to find hidden objects and begin to know that objects are still there, although they cannot be seen. For example, seeing your mom walk out of the room, but knowing that mom still exists.

In the fifth stage, 12 to 18 months, children gradually learn to look for objects where they are last seen disappearing, but they do not yet understand that objects can still change position after they disappear from their field of vision. For example, seeing your mother walk out of the room and knowing that your mother is behind the door, you will only look for your mother behind the door.

In the sixth stage, 18 to 24 months, children are gradually able to use visual cues to determine invisible movement routes and hiding locations of objects. For example, when he sees his mother walk out of the room, he knows that his mother is outside the door, and if he can't find his mother outside the door, he will look for her in another room.

Some children have more serious separation anxiety, because of the limitation of the permanent development level of these children's objects, as long as their eyes can not see the mother's figure, the ear can not hear the mother's voice, they will worry about the mother's disappearance, anxiety, and even fear, until the mother appears again will be at ease.

Playing hide-and-seek with children can strengthen the concept of children's objects, promote the permanent development of children's objects, and let children understand that although the eyes cannot see the mother, the mother is still there, so that the child's separation anxiety can be alleviated, and it is also a necessary psychological construction before the child goes to the nursery and kindergarten.

Hide-and-seek games also require step-by-step training, such as the game environment is played in the room, then developed to the whole house, and then can be outdoors; the hiding time is from 1 minute to a quarter of an hour, half an hour.

Let me give you an example, when you were a child, your mother took you to a relative's house for a wedding, and your mother had something to help put you in the room and let you play with the other children. At this time, a relative of your mother came, she saw that you thought you were very cute, pinched your bun face, and said mischievously: "Xiaoming, why are you here alone, your mother?" Did your mother not want you anymore? "Even a 5- to 7-year-old child in a secure attachment relationship, whose object is permanently fully developed, will be startled to hear this relative's words, and will immediately leave the game and delicious snacks to go to the mother." If they can't find their mother for a long time, they will also cry because of separation anxiety. If it is a child under 2 years old, their object is permanently not fully developed, even if they were in a secure attachment relationship before, they will be frightened and cry by the words of relatives, aggravating their separation anxiety, crying and making trouble to find their mother, and even change from safe attachment to anxious attachment.

In psychological counseling, I often meet some ignorant parents, they will say "I don't want you", "I want to throw you in the trash" when teasing their children, etc., to see the children nervous and anxious for fun, no matter what kind of mentality you are, please don't make jokes with children again! If you have done this, the harm has been generated, and can only make up for the trauma of repairing the child's trauma, you must seriously apologize to the child, retract what you said, and hug the child and tell the child that you love him forever. The above apologies have been done at least three times or more!