I was wrong, but I just don't apologize

The first year of junior high school boys, sitting in the girls' seats, could not get up, and spit on people's tables.

Her mouth was full of her own reasoning: why did she have to let me get up, what would happen to me sitting? Why is it so horizontal? I just wanted to bully her, what's wrong?

After I asked him a question and he answered, he finally spat out: I was wrong, I shouldn't sit in her seat, I shouldn't spit on the table, I shouldn't bully people, but I just can't swallow this breath, I just don't apologize!

When you meet such a student, will you be on top?

I said: OK, there is a concept of right and wrong, indicating that your rationality is slowly returning, but it is not in place, or you are calm and calm, and when all your reason is back, let's talk again?

This stubborn boy always causes trouble, admitting mistakes and not apologizing is not once or twice, I am used to it. Adolescence, emotions are difficult to control, always arrive at the scene before reason, calm down for a while to understand, I am already a veteran, not in a hurry.

But this time, I want to give him some new understanding, so that he can have a new experience in interacting with people.

Unsurprisingly, after ten minutes of wall-to-wall reflection, he agreed to apologize.

I said, "Okay, apologize yourself, and ask her, what do you need to do to compensate for the trouble you've caused?"

Him: Huh? I don't ask, what if she opens her mouth widely?

Me: Try what are you afraid of? Can she still blackmail you? If you can't do it, I'll help you mediate.

After another moment, he returned to report on the situation.

Him: I apologized and she said it was okay and excused me; I said what compensation was needed, and she said no, just pay attention next time.

Me: Do you feel or gain anything?

He thought about it: I think apologizing is quite humiliating, all don't want to say "sorry", but I was wrong, sooner or later I have to say, now I say even more faceless, and wasted a noon of time.

Me: Pretty clear! Originally it was not a big deal, an apology is over, you have to carry no apology, attracted everyone's attention, everyone feels that the right thing, in your this can not go, then not become a stingy ghost? Even more faceless. Also, people quickly accepted your apology, quickly forgave you, and you were worried about what non-trivial demands people would make, and people were more atmospheric than you. From your own point of view, you have the courage to admit mistakes and correct mistakes, and indeed make great progress, which is a kind of success; but from the perspective of the two of you, other girls can compare with you in the pattern, you lose this game, do you recognize it?

He nodded: "Admit it."

Me: In fact, there are many students who admit that there are mistakes in the class, there are many students who change when they are wrong, and there are many students who do not worry about their classmates, in such an environment, you still do not apologize for being so wrong, and you can't control your emotions well.

Him: Teacher, don't say it, I understand, death wants face to suffer, and the result is that face is not yet done.

Well, at this point, the problem is solved satisfactorily.

How high the teaching level is, it is not as good as knowing the psychology of the students - if you don't know that his reason can't run out of emotions, it won't let his emotions cool down and reason returns, how much more lips and tongues will it take? Even teachers and students will clash with each other.

It is better to let the students experience it for themselves - it is nothing remarkable to feel the apology themselves, and to personally experience the feelings brought about by the generosity and tolerance of others, which is much better than pressing him to say words against his heart.

In the future, he may repeat it, but as long as the next time he admits his mistake quickly and apologizes faster, it is also the success of this education.