Hello everyone, I'm Maco.
Let's share a story with you!
The protagonist of this story is the "king of invention" Edison, when he was a schoolboy, one day when he came home from school, he handed a small note to his mother and said:
"Mom, the teacher handed me this note and said only you can see it, what did he say?"
Edison's mother watched and shed tears and read aloud to the child: "Your child is a genius, this school is too small for him, there is no good teacher to train him." Teach him yourself. ”
Years after Edison's mother passed away, Edison stumbled upon a letter in the closet that the teacher had asked him to give to his mother, which read:
"Your child has a mental disability, we can't let him stay in school, he's dropped out."
When Edison saw the letter, he was very excited. He wrote in his diary: "Thomas. Edinson was a mentally handicapped child, but his mother transformed him into the genius of the century. ”
A positive word of encouragement may really change a person's destiny.
In fact, every child hopes to be encouraged and recognized by parents, and parents' encouragement to children is often the driving force for children's growth.
However, in Chinese families, parents are not good at giving encouragement to their children, and they often feel that other people's children are so good, and their own children can't do anything.
There is such a news that a girl of about 2 years old was reprimanded by her mother for running backwards in a balance car race:
"What face do you have to cry?" The whole time it's on that corner! ”
The girl replied with tears in her eyes, "I'll run well next time." "Looking at the child's miserable appearance is very painful.
In fact, children are more upset than adults, and what they need most is the hug and comfort, support and encouragement of their parents.
It is undeniable that some parents will also give their children encouragement when they encounter setbacks. Like what:
"Try again, Mom believes you can, come on!"
"Other children can do it, you must be fine!"
Such encouragement sounds like nothing wrong with it, and there are not a few parents who encourage their children in this way.
But in fact, it may not only fail to achieve the effect of encouragement, but also likely to cause the child's psychological pressure to be greater, more afraid, and afraid to try.
In the face of setbacks and difficulties, the child's inner reaction is often "I will not", "I dare not", "I am afraid"...
At this time, if parents simply say, "You can, come on!" ”
In fact, it is difficult to play an encouraging role, because parents only tell their children "you can", but do not tell their children "why".
Therefore, the true thoughts in the child's heart may be:
"I obviously can't do it well, why do my parents think I can?"
"If I don't do it well, won't it be bad and disappoint Mom and Dad?"
This is also the fact that after parents say "come on" to their children, children are still unwilling to continue to try, because their "fear" and "fear" emotions have not been released, but have been denied by parents' "you can".
There is also a kind of parents who use the "radical method" when encouraging their children, such as "How good the neighbor's child is, if you have one-tenth of the family, I will be satisfied." ”
Similar to this kind of encouragement will increase the psychological pressure of the child, so that the child has a rebellious psychology, "I am like this, break the jar and break it."
So how can parents properly encourage their children?
The first must be to care about the child's emotions and see the child's "fear". When the child shows that he does not want to try, he must first understand the child's truest feelings, so that the child feels that his emotions are recognized and accepted.
When you find that your child is already frustrated, don't let your child "cheer up and try again", but say to your child, "Let's rest for a while, okay?" ”
In the process of rest, slowly guide the child to say the true thoughts of the heart, analyze the reasons for the child's resistance, empathize with the child, and care about his feelings, rather than blindly "encouraging" the child to do what he does not want to do.
When we understand the reasons for the child's resistance, we should give the child some substantial help and support, rather than simple verbal encouragement.
For example, many children are very afraid of swimming, born with a sense of fear of water, at this time, parents can accompany their children to the water, tell children not to worry about danger, "Parents are here, you are safe."
When the child needs it, giving the child some small tips or small help at the right time can also reduce the child's frustration and make them feel that they are not alone.
In fact, there is also a situation that causes children to continue to encourage their parents and still be unwilling to try, which is "too concerned about the results".
Because they "care too much about the result", they dare not try easily.
For such children, parents should be more patient to guide, more to the child to pass on the concept of "the process is also very important", so that the child knows that the result is not the only criterion for success or failure, as long as they learn experience in the process, there are gains, but also a success.
When encouraging, you can encourage more about the effort and behavior details of the child's process.
"Although the results are not ideal, we have learned new knowledge and will definitely be able to make more progress next time!"
Finally, parents also need to pay attention to the fact that sometimes the encouragement to the child should also be "moderate", especially when this matter has seriously exceeded the child's ability range, and the child should learn to choose to give up.
【Beauty play story】, light up the future of children with dreams!