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The netizen letter said:
My husband and I were originally halfway couples, and we stumbled in the process of marriage, and the main contradiction between us came from our respective children. Ultimately, because we were both more protective, we took a daily life: one thousand yuan per person a month as a joint expense for both of us. In other ways, we each spend our own money.
Perhaps, in Chinese families, when two people's money cannot be mixed together and spent, the relationship between husband and wife is not much better, so that in the more than twenty years that my husband and I have lived together, we are more often presented with only accompaniment.
What I didn't expect was that today, when my husband is 64 years old and I am 61 years old, my husband actually met a 26-year-old girl through online social platforms and insisted on divorcing the other party and me. Although my husband and daughter (he and his ex-wife's daughter) are a bit unaccustomed to each other on weekdays, my husband and daughter are on the same side as me when it comes to my husband's divorce. My true mentality: after all, I have been with my husband for so many years, and at this time, divorce is somewhat unwilling; the attitude of my husband and daughter: I am old, don't be ashamed. However, my retention, as well as his daughter's persuasion, were not good.
Now, my husband has unilaterally filed for divorce and asked me to move out of their house as soon as possible (I also have a house in my name, which is now rented out, and the rent is controlled by my son). I also don't know why our married life got to this point. Over the years, although I have not formed a real "heart" with my husband, my family affection has finally precipitated a lot. So, regarding the outcome of the divorce, I have a hard time accepting it.
I would like to ask: What should I do in a similar situation?
Muzi Li emotional analysis:
When you and your husband restructured your marriage, you were both nearly 40 years old, which meant that each of you and your ex's children were also in their teens. In this case, you have also lived with each other's children for some years. During this time, my judgment is: your relationship is actually average. Otherwise, you will not end up forming: your own wages, the results of your own control. In fact, at that particular stage, a strange relationship has formed between you and your husband. It's just that for many years afterwards, each of you was so preoccupied with each other's needs in the relationship that you didn't choose to divorce.
Now, your husband suddenly understands that after his daughter gets married, he no longer has any worries, so much so that he wants to live for himself once. It was also under this motivation that he began to help himself find a favorite love object on the online social platform. Especially when the other person is only 26 years old and is willing to restructure his marriage, what is the chip for you to keep him by your side? Once, you needed to raise two children together, which became your consensus on marriage, and now what?
Although many couples choose to be together when they first choose to be together, they are the product of weighing the pros and cons, but during the survival of a relationship, it is necessary to pay sincerity, if in this relationship, most of the time it is mutual calculation, then how can this relationship show strong cohesion. It's hard to say that you and your husband have only worked together over the years to fend off the risks that may result from raising two children. Strictly speaking, you are just partners, not really husband and wife. That being the case, when your husband craves love and finds someone who satisfies him, your divorce will also be a high probability event.
Ask yourself: Have you ever loved your husband over the years? Just get used to his presence.
If your husband's divorce from you happened when you were just married, you might not hesitate to give it fulfillment. It's just that you feel that you are now older and care more about the existence of "companions", or you don't want to get used to being broken, so you will be reluctant to let your husband withdraw from you. Let's talk about your husband's daughter's opinion on this matter: I just think that it is a very faceless thing for her father to find a girl who is similar to her age, or even younger than her, to be a stepmother.
Find that neither you nor your husband's daughter has ever considered your husband's real inner needs.
Over the years, your husband's true perception of marriage: he has not truly loved, but two people have gone through a longer period of life together.
In fact, I quite sympathize with you, and I also sympathize with your husband, after all, all these years, many times, you are living for your children, and neglect to live out the true meaning of yourself. It's just that your husband suddenly gave life transparency, and you still haven't lived transparently.
Over the years, you know how you treat your husband. In your relationship, what I see is that the halfway couple is difficult to communicate; you both love your own and your ex's children; and you are often accompanied by calculations.
Regarding marriage, whether it is appropriate or not is not decided by others, but by the parties, after all, the world has no empathy at all. In the current situation, your husband is determined to divorce you. You can say he's a white-eyed wolf, or you can say he's a picture of the young beauty of the object he's now admiring. But can it change the outcome of your husband's divorce from you?
Greetings to everyone: whether it is the original couple or the halfway couple. At the very least, during the life of the relationship, there should be a genuine effort. If there is blasphemy in this relationship, then such a relationship naturally will not have a good ending.
Muzi Li life insights:
Halfway couples, the most difficult task to overcome: how to get along well with each other and the children of the ex. Although, there are fewer mean stepfathers or stepmothers now. However, it is not excluded that the other party will be sensitive because you are even treating the other party equally with the ex's child. Therefore, the most direct reason why many halfway couples have difficulty communicating: each protecting their own and their ex's children, so that they have more reservations about each other's paying level, or the emotional level of instinctive protection.
Many people want to implement the AA system between husband and wife in an unusual way after marriage, and what they want to say is that such an idea is best stifled in marriage as soon as possible, after all, our culture and our concept of running marriage will tell you: AA marriage will not work in our country. If you insist on adhering to the AA system, then it will make the feelings of husband and wife become strange invisibly. Worst-case outcome: One of them will ride a donkey to find a horse, and when they find a restructured marriage partner that satisfies them, they will decisively withdraw from the AA relationship.