October 23 is Tianxin's 9th birthday.
Jia Nailiang and Li Xiaolu have posted on social platforms to celebrate their daughter's birthday.
On the same day, netizens also met Jia Nailiang with Tianxin to visit the mall.
In the impression, Tianxin is still a soft and sticky baby with frequent golden sentences.
Now standing next to my father, I look like a big girl.
In the blink of an eye, Li Xiaolu and Jia Nailiang have also been divorced for 3 years.
After the two separated, Tianxin spent most of her time living with her mother.
Many netizens are worried that her parents divorced will hurt her.
Now it seems that Tianxin has grown very well.
Lively and cheerful, love to laugh and love to make trouble, one look is to be watered by love to grow up.
I have to say that in dealing with the divorce issue, Li Xiaolu and Jia Nailiang have done a good job.
When separated, they did not slander and insult each other, and showed their dignity.
After a separation of two wide, jointly raise and accompany the child, there is no competition.
Even though there is a rift in the marriage, there is no rift in their love for their children.
If the marriage inevitably comes to an end, getting together and dispersing is the greatest responsibility for the child.
It is also the love and protection of children.
Not afraid of parental divorce,
Afraid of not divorcing for the sake of the children
Marriage has come to an end, and the choice of divorce is the freedom of both spouses.
Once the child is involved, there are concerns and become cautious.
The other day, I swiped a video online.
A little boy from a single-parent family, standing at the door waiting for his father to pick him up.
From time to time, he opened the door to inspect, looking eager and expectant.
Source Douyin @ Taiyuan Radio and Television Station
At the bottom of the video, a high-praise message said that if you have a child, you must not divorce.
There are many people who hold this idea.
In real life, there is no shortage of marriages that are strong for children, and even endure for a lifetime.
Is this really good for kids?
not necessarily.
I have a friend who says her birthday wish every year is for her parents to divorce.
Since the beginning of my memory, my parents have quarreled every three to five minutes.
Every time there was a quarrel, they either cursed each other or smashed objects.
Even often put divorce in the mouth.
After the big fight, there will be a cold war that lasts for a month.
These never avoided her.
Although her parents each spoiled her, she felt that it was not love, but hurt.
Home was complete to her, but at the same time cold.
Friends have urged her parents to divorce her countless times, but her mother cares about the harm that a single-parent family has done to her.
Endure it again and again, and even today, I still quarrel.
Friends who grew up in full families became sensitive and afraid of intimacy.
Now in his 30s, he still doesn't have the courage to start a relationship.
Keigo Higashino once said:
"Many children with both parents end up living unhappily, and whether the child is happy or not does not depend on whether the parents are both perfect."
No matter how complete the family form is, it is only an empty shell, and only by injecting and temperature will the child be happy.
Divorce is not a flood beast, it does not necessarily swallow up the happiness of the child.
On the contrary, children who grow up in unhappy marriages will certainly suffer.
Your patience will transfer the pressure to the child;
Your great sacrifice is a moral kidnapping of your child.
There is an irreparable rift in the marriage, and separation as soon as possible is the fulfillment of the child.
It's not divorce that hurts children
It's a gesture of divorce from the parents
We often say that it is the children who have the greatest impact of parental divorce.
The so-called harm is never the fact that the parents divorced, but the gesture.
Some are good to gather and scatter, and some are extremely torn.
I have a classmate who divorced her husband last year and got into a very stiff fight.
Two people attacked, smeared, and insulted each other in the circle of friends, without the slightest regard for decency.
For the custody of the children, they are also you and me.
Even pressed the child:
"Are you with Mom or Dad?!"
The child caught in the middle is helpless and can only cope with crying.
Later, the child lived with his classmates.
In front of his daughter, classmates often said bad things about the child's father, saying that he had abandoned the family.
Once, I went to visit my classmates, and the little girl said to me when my classmates were away;
"I miss my dad so much, but I can't go to see my dad, I'm afraid my mom will be sad."
It hurts me to hear it.
Obviously the child did nothing wrong, but was forced to take sides.
After the parents divorced, they resented each other, and they did not interact with each other, and it was always the children who were caught in the middle.
They tore each other's dignity not only, but also the hearts of children.
Obviously, they have the same love for their parents, but the children dare not express it;
Obviously, there is no hatred in the heart, but the child has to force himself to hate the parents.
Involving the child in the marriage war of the parents will really cause trauma to the child's heart.
To be truly good for the children is to minimize the harm to the children in the event of a divorce.
Don't let the adult storm affect the child, don't force the child to take sides.
Also do not deprive the child and enjoy the love of the other parent.
Divorce is a paper marriage between parents, not a love affair for children.
Other parents do a decent job when they divorce, but choose to hide it from their children.
Knowingly, there are many such problems:
"What if my parents are divorced, but they hide it from me?"
Parents think they are hiding it seamlessly, but in fact, children are more sensitive than we think.
In high school, I had a tablemate whose parents hadn't told her for a year.
Until one day, she accidentally turned over her parents' divorce papers.
The moment she pokes the lie, she has a strong sense of being deceived and feels distrusted and respected.
In turn, she is very guilty and remorseful, worried that her parents divorced because of her own reasons.
During that time, she thought about it all day, and her grades plummeted.
We maintain false intimacy with cover-ups, thinking that we can shield our children from suffering.
As everyone knows, the child will be hurt even more when he learns the truth.
When the marriage is over, the couple inevitably moves towards the moment of breaking up.
Instead of covering up the pain with concealment, it is better to be generous and frank and use love to help the child out of the pain.
Just like Faye Wong and Li Yapeng, Li Yan was only 7 years old when they divorced.
They did not choose to hide, but told the truth, and did not diminish their love for their children in the slightest.
Faye Wong would often take her daughter out to play together, and often be in the same frame as Li Yapeng.
Even if the love is no more, the love for the child is still there.
Even if there is no complete home, there is still complete love.
To be able to enjoy the love from both parents, for children, the home is not broken.
Compared to a complete family
Parents whose children want happiness more
Teacher Yin Jianli once said:
"If parents are not happy, children cannot be happy; if parents live in misfortune, children cannot be happy."
As a parent, I always want to give my children a complete home.
In fact, in the heart of the child, he only hopes that his parents can be happy.
When the well-known blogger Mimon decided to divorce, her son said something to her:
"I'm a little sad, but I can understand. The most important thing is that you are happy, I have no problem, don't worry. ”
Divorce inevitably causes pain to children, but children are more reluctant to see their parents suffer.
In the "Teenager Says" program, there is a girl who urges a single mother to find a partner.
After her parents divorced, her mother pulled her to grow up alone.
She said that when she grows up, she may not always be with her mother.
So, she hopes that mom can say goodbye to being single and find someone who is good to her.
There is also a little girl in her third year of high school, who confesses to her mother in a high profile:
"Many people think that children in single-parent families will have inferiority and lack of love, but in fact, there is none. After staying with my mother for more than ten years, I am really happy and satisfied. ”
The mother at the bottom has already burst into tears.
Now that her mother has found a new boyfriend, she feels particularly happy, and even urges marriage on the spot.
In the face of unhappy marriages, parents want to protect their children.
And children, but also sincerely hope that their weak shoulders can be relied on by their parents.
Children are not as fragile as we think, and they also want their parents to be happy more than anyone else.
Instead of letting children grow up in an environment where their parents resent each other, it is better to let go and complete their lives.
Only when parents live happily can they give their children happiness and children dare to be happy.
Of course, I'm not writing this to encourage divorce.
Just hope that if the divorce is inevitable, parents can take care of their children's emotions.
They can not get involved in the marriage war of their parents and enjoy the role of their children safely.
The relationship between husband and wife can end, but the parent-child relationship lasts forever.
And all of this, we can do with all our efforts.
"Like" and hope that every child can get the complete love and companionship of their parents.