<h1>"Not Much Story" Eleven Love Stories in the City</h1>
Not much to lie in the city after nightfall, on a stone bench next to a late-night bar. The rain that had fallen a few days ago not only washed away the stains on the stone benches, but also left a trace of coolness. A man, stumbling and drunkenly walking in the direction of the few, vomited deadly on the green ground next to him, and the undigested food in his stomach was quickly dispersed in the hot air with the unpleasant sour smell of wine mixed with it.
"Eh, eh, don't throw up, be quiet, disturb my Qingxiu." Not many people say it.
No one spoke, and he pushed away the few feet and sat directly next to the few. The person who did not put his feet on the ground also sat up, and did not ask much teasingly: "Hey, is it emotionally frustrated?" ”
He was like a diaphragm, a moment sad, a moment laughing, a moment angry, a moment wooden, and there was a sentence from his mouth that was broken and drunk, but he said it for a long time.
Not much to tell: in the bustling metropolis, of the two people who love each other, the one who loves more has to choose to leave
One
Floating in the big city is the visible smell of rotting flesh. So many people wanted to squeeze in, but they were not vultures, but like parasitic worms on rotten flesh. The heat of the day still can't withstand the boiling flesh of the city's night frantically writhing in drunken bars and discotheques. The frantic neon fox spread out its enchanting light color, and a pair of confused eyes were concealed in the deception, and the soul trembled and curled up in the deepest depths.
Every time I walked down the streets of the city, the eyes of passers-by could not penetrate his deep heart, and the face was a kind of numb acceptance displayed by a disgusted rotten smell.
It was raining outside, and this rain had forgotten to last for a few days. The rain always began to hit the city as it approached the wee hours of the morning, and the whole city went crazy like a depressed madman who stopped using sedative pills and tore at the bottom in the middle of the night. Walking to the balcony outside the room, looking at the dim street lamp at the intersection that had been blurred by the rain, it was not as bright as the smoke that burned after the last sip in his mouth, and the cigarette butt that was thrown out had been extinguished by the rain before it could fall to the ground. I think that a person who falls from a tall building and is suffocated by the air current before he lands on the ground should be lucky enough, at least he does not have to bear the shock and cracking pain of the soul and body twisting at the moment of smashing on the ground, I don't know why I think so.
At the intersection, the cars came and went back and forth in an orderly manner. You stop, I go; you go, I stop.
If you really want to break up, why blame me for not fighting for and keeping? Breaking up, losing you, has almost made me lose everything, do you still have to cruelly show my remaining begging pity to you? What I don't understand is that I care, how it became the reason for your departure.
The smoke that was inhaled into his lungs was suddenly chuckled by himself, stuck in his throat, a sharp dry cough, whipping tears, and the tears swirled viciously in the eye sockets and refused to fall. Your breakup is so defenseless, as if the intimacy and passion of the previous minute never happened.
Two
Your knocking on the door is always connected to your hands and feet, and the clutter and rush of noise make me stop typing my hands in front of the computer.
"How? Left work so early today? "I always look at you with a faint smile, and I'm sure you can see the strong hidden joy in my eyes." You didn't use the keys you gave, but I ran down the street to get them for you. ”
"I don't like keys." Every time you answer that way, it's just that you don't always say why.
Before I could turn on the light in the room, you hugged me tightly around my neck. Your charm and charm are wrapped around my whole body like this.
"I love the dark, nicotine smell of your room, mixed with the loneliness of the city." Your warm breath is in my ear, and it's the attraction you've always made irresistible to me. I reflexively pressed against you, and your face emitted a flattering and seductive smile. In the enclosed room, the hormones were sprinting, like trying to fight against the empty souls that were parasitizing the city.
I got up and pulled open the window, and the sound of the torrential rain outside crashed in with the steaming heat on the ground, somewhat dull. Turn on the light, look at you leaning on the head of the bed, and feel inexplicably sad and distressed.
"None of us belong to this city." I say.
"But we've never wanted to leave." You lit the cigarette, put it in your mouth and took a slight sip.
I looked at you, waiting for you to spit out the cigarette you had just inhaled, but you took another sip and coughed twice, and the smoke that you pressed hard into your lungs rushed out. Those smokes are the devil of the city, and it confuses and numbs our resistance to the decaying smell of the city.
"Don't smoke." I say it lightly, more like talking to myself.
It's so quiet when you're not talking, your eyes are empty and you're looking at the subtle changes in the smoke burning in your hands. The first time I saw you without heavy makeup, so fragile and defenseless. You look so desperate to protect, pamper. How eager to give you a warm home, a warm harbor, so that your heart is not wandering, so that your soul is not displaced. I never promised, even love, in this city we are still defensive, we are all just parasites of this materialistic city.
"What do you see?" You suddenly looked up at me, and I watched the smile on your face slowly disappear.
"You're really heart-wrenching." I took a puff of my cigarette and sat down on the edge of the bed. This is something I have never said to you, in fact, you have never been as strong as you look on the outside, you just use heavy makeup to cover up in front of others.
Three
The magazine editor kept calling to urge the manuscript, and I really didn't have the slightest desire to write. I suddenly felt very stuffy and irritable in my heart, and I didn't know if it was because of summer. Simply slammed the door out and shut the phone and the rapid ringtone in the room. When I went out, I looked up at the wall clock, and at eleven o'clock, I knew that such a time meant nothing to me.
The storefronts on the streets are closed, but the silent city does not feel deserted at all, some are just desolate. Everyone is busy in this city, more and more people are pouring in, and the increasingly crowded city has to divide people into two modes of survival, day and night.
The fast-paced survival makes people tense their nerves all the time. Only in the dark of night will those inner repressions be completely allowed.
In the midnight bar, the surrounding sound knocked out one rhythmic note after another, and the bodies clustered in the dim light twisted strongly, shouting, screaming, and they were all venting freely. A city of red and green lights, there is no home. Each person wrapped his emotions in a numb and thick body that was not touched. Paralyzed with strong alcohol, disguised by a heavy cracking sound, made into a seamless heavenly coat, tightly wrapped in inner emptiness and loneliness.
I sat at the bar counter of the bar, chatting about the wine in my hand, and drank it all. "Damn, why am I going to sign a contract for a regular column," kept his mind racing with remorse. The more I think about it, the more I feel depressed, is this what I want? I thought that in this way, I would be able to settle down, but I just imprisoned myself and put a shackle on myself. I pulled the collar with my hand, unbuttoned the first two buttons on my shirt, and drank dullly.
On stage, you have thick makeup on your face, but your expression is extremely bleak, while the dance is feminine and debauched. It was the first time I'd met you, the rapid dimming light on the stage, flickering with changing colors hitting your body as you swayed and writhed. You are like a wandering masterpiece of art carved by light.
The noisiest and noisiest places in the city are the loneliest. All people are lonely and depressed in their hearts. The loneliness of being alone and becoming insignificant in a crowd of people who are lively but empty, but comfort each other.
Midnight gives people living in midnight a psychedelic color, which can hide all the original disguises. People naturally relax their disguises, slowly remove their masks during the day, and show themselves in the dark, but also make them more vulnerable. I held up the wine glass and shook it in front of my eyes, looking through the glass at the twisted, deformed and shaking shells, more like seeing the soul that was struggling. On the stage of the wine glass, your body is a body with a stolen soul. I don't know what I'm laughing at, but I can't help but have some kind of laughter catalyst in my heart that automatically works. I suddenly thought of that sentence, laughing is just an expression that has nothing to do with happiness.
It turns out that happiness has nothing to do with me, and these years have passed like this?
I suddenly saw that your eyes were full of a struggle and a helplessness, and I stared indifferently at the changing liquid in the wine glass. With an unlit cigarette in my mouth, I polished a match, and a pale blue smoke rose from the flames of the matchhead, and I looked and suddenly remembered the days of being alone all these years, for what? I can't recall too many stories, what is this life for, it turned out that I have been aimlessly wandering in the wandering and slowly consuming my youth. My thoughts were stopped by the burning pain coming from my fingers, and I polished a match again, and after the smoke was lit, I took a deep breath, and there were some tears in my deep eyes, and I raised my head and did not let it flow out.
The people in the bar gradually became thinner, and everyone walked out of the glass door with their more tired bodies, but there was a kind of satisfaction on their faces. Ann walked over to the bar with heavy makeup and asked for a "widow's kiss."
"Hey, my name is Ann, what about you?" Your tone is tinged with a hint of ridicule and tentativeness.
"Yan."
"Do you have a heart?"
"It's all right." I forgot where my heart was, how to be okay.
You reached out and handed me a cigarette, and you lit it yourself. After drinking the "widow's kiss," he said to himself:
"I liked 'Widow's Kiss' at first because of its name, then because of its taste, and its ingredients were, 1 point of Angostella bitters, 15mL of Dangmu vanilla liqueur, 15ml of yellow saldux, 30ml of apple brandy, and 1 strawberry in the cup. But this strawberry is a decoration. There is a bitter and sweet, sour and spicy taste, which is very suitable for me. ”
"Huh." I smiled and drank the wine out of my hand. After that I forgot if I had said anything else to you, and if I did, maybe it was irrelevant.
I can't remember how I exchanged contact details with you. When I came out of the bar, there was not a single guest inside. I still remember waving goodbye to you at the door, I was a little drunk, or I had never been sober in the city, I asked myself.
Four
In the days that followed, there was still time to count in detail, but now it was like returning to the original point.
I stood on the balcony watching your back as you walked into the rain, your hand wiping on your forehead from time to time, whether it was because the rain had wet your face or if your tears were blocking your view. The way you walk is so contradictory, you walk quickly and slowly, is it to force calm? But it rained so much outside. I still saw the last figure of you running around the corner and disappearing, and I looked at it foolishly, and the lighted smoke had not yet been stained, it had burned out.
I looked out into the room, which swelled with the intimacy we had just been together and the separation we hadn't taken care of.
"Ann, the bar job, don't do it." I said looking at you, waiting for you to refute my words. Every time I say, I can feed you, you will always say sarcastically, "Just by my meager and unstable fees," but today you don't.
"Well, don't do it," you said, bowing your head and wiping the cigarette butt back and forth in the ashtray until the cigarette butt went out. "I'm leaving." You look up at me, and my heart is suddenly pounded and convulses.
"Huh? Only, just a few hours, you go back, the time is still early. "I pretended to be so composed that I couldn't even deceive myself, and my psyche suddenly felt like it had been emptied, and like all the nerves were knotted and messed up.
"I said I'm leaving, I'm leaving, leaving you, leaving the city, you don't understand." You suddenly hissed and yelled at me. I stood in front of you like a piece of wood, I couldn't see your tearful eyes, I couldn't hear your sobbing voice, I couldn't say the slightest word.
You walk out of the room, and there are thousands of thoughts in my head, but not a single command is for me to chase me out or to keep you. It was all so sudden, just as suddenly as we were together. I lay in bed, not at all energetic, I just wanted to empty myself and then think about nothing.
Five
I was awakened by the noise and the angry and urgent knocking on the door, and the moment I opened my eyes, I suddenly felt a sense of happiness that it was just a dream. Sleepy-eyed opened the door and saw Xiaoxia standing in the doorway, and my heart suddenly cooled to the bottom.
"Are you still in the mood to sleep?" Ann was gone, this morning's plane. Kasumi yelled at me as soon as she saw my first words, still crying. Hearing Kasumi's words, I subconsciously wanted to run out, and I wanted to get Ann back. Before I ran out the door, Xia shouted louder: "Ann has gone," and then continued like a discouraged: "I sent her to the plane, these two days I want to come to you, Ann does not let me, must I accompany her, she does not want you to know the time of her departure, and do not let me tell you, but I still secretly called you, the phone turned off, texted you, you did not reply." ”
"You know what? Looking at Ann's appearance these two days, I was really uncomfortable and very distressed. She was crying so sadly, but she didn't say a word. Kasumi, crying, suddenly shouted at me, "Why didn't you leave her that day, why didn't you chase her out, why didn't you come to her these two days?" Ann wouldn't let me come to you, but I knew how much she was looking forward to your presence in the next two days, to keep her, to keep her, to tell her that you would take good care of her. Do you know? You don't know anything, Ann loves you so much, but what about you, what about you..."
I sat paralyzed on the bed, Xia's words were so stinging, my tears couldn't stop flowing. I still didn't hold back, holding my head and crying, it turned out that I loved you so much. The clock on the wall, every second it goes, makes a noise that is so loud.
"Give, this is for Ann." Kasumi calmed her emotions, handed me a letter, and when she walked out of the house, Kasumi said, "I know that you love Peace, and I only blame the helplessness of the city." Ann told me to take good care of yourself. ”
Six
I took two deep puffs of my cigarette, trying to keep myself calm, my hands still shaking and opening the envelope. Looking at the words of these strange Juanxiu in front of you, it turns out that I am so ignorant, I do not know your handwriting, and I do not understand your heart.
elegant:
I'm gone, I'm leaving the city I've been parasitizing for five years, and when you see this letter, I'm already far away from the city. I think that the blue sky is the destination of the clouds, you are not the sky, and I am not the clouds.
Remember the day we met? You said so many things that day, but you must not remember anything when you were so drunk. I said, "You're really heart-wrenching," and then you smiled silly at me. When you said this to me the night before, my heart was really hard because I had decided to leave. However, this also has a beginning and an end. None of us belong to the city, you say. But you don't know that you don't belong temporarily, and I can never belong. The more you care, the more I am sometimes really afraid, I am afraid that one day when I want to leave, I will lose all my courage, I will not be able to go, and then you will not belong to me, you will belong to the city, and then I will not belong to you. You always ask me why you gave me the key to your room I never used, I just don't want this to become a habit and dependence, I don't want to become free to come and go like the master, I understand that I am just a passer-by of you, I can't possess, I can't possess, I'm too afraid I'll be too greedy to go.
These two days, my psychology is so struggling, I long for you to come to me, but I am still glad that you did not come, otherwise my heart will be vulnerable and disintegrate. I'm really gone, I'm going to a place where there's only cooking smoke and cattle and sheep. You have to take good care of yourself, don't skip breakfast, don't eat instant noodles, especially late at night, don't stay up late, and don't worry about me anymore. You belong to me, always will, and I do not belong to you. Thank you for your company for half a year, thank you for letting me know what love is in your days, thank you for letting me have my own unique memories in this city.
You are my accidental gain, but it is enough for me to feel and think of you for the rest of my life, just because: I love you.
Goodbye, Yan!
quiet
2017.11.7
—END—
Thanks for reading, I am the little person who insists on writing the original text story - Mr. Tang Cai.
I don't know what the point is in writing this, the desire to just want to accomplish something grows stronger after each abandonment!
The story of the previous article in "Not Much Story" is as follows:
A self-report of a girl who was born without temperature perception