Will you feel deeply wronged in your marriage, and even begin to doubt the feelings between you and him? So, does the man who has wronged you really not love you and doesn't care about you?
Read Sanmao's "The Story of the Sahara" again, and deeply feel that no matter how much the man who loves you has a time to let you be wronged.
Sanmao and Jose's love and marriage touched thousands of people, Jose said that he had a lifelong dream, that is, to have a small apartment, where a wife like Sanmao lived, and then he earned money to raise her, which was his happiest thing, if he could not marry Sanmao, his painful heart would never be good.
Such a deep love in the bone marrow makes many women envious, but after marriage, Sanmao still suffers from the "grievances" in everyone's eyes.
As Sanmao said, she did not dare to explain life, but only a true account, and Sanmao's words were indeed like this. "The Story of the Sahara" uses simple and simple language to write the true state of their married life bit by bit. Jose's bitter love for six years finally won his love at first sight, and even from personality to thought deeply attracted his beautiful heart, and finally got his wish and married Sanmao.
It is reasonable to say that with such love and nourishment, how can Sanmao be fully wronged? But "grievance" seems to be a must of marriage, and men who love you have time to let you be wronged, and it has nothing to do with not loving or not caring.
In "The Story of the Sahara", many people see the romance and beauty of Sanmao's love marriage with Jose, and some people see the loneliness and hardship of the desert... However, carefully tasting sanmao's married life, on the contrary, now, is full of "grievances" in the eyes of women today. So, such a "bad" marriage, how did Sanmao manage it into a touching and enduring legend?
First of all, in marriage, women should not care too much about the sense of ceremony.
First, in marriage, do not pay too much attention to the sense of ceremony
The sense of ceremony has become one of the criteria for women to judge whether they care about themselves. As a result, there is no ceremonial proposal, no solemn wedding, no memory of the holiday expression, and no word of thanks for one's hard work... All these things become the wounds of women, and grievances breed from them, as if without these forms it is impossible to feel the existence of love. Is the lack of ritual really a lack of love?
When we look at Sanmao's marriage, there is no sense of ceremony that should be there. But no one denied Jose's love for Sanmao, from high school bitter love to six-year covenant, to the recurrence of marriage six years later, no love was so pure and persistent, because at that time, Jose fell in love with Sanmao did not love him and had a boyfriend, but he still chose to agree, wait, and realize.
There was no ceremony for his marriage proposal, and their marriage ceremony was even more sloppy. Jose said that Sanmao was the first woman to walk to get married, and Jose even forgot to put a ring on Sanmao until they returned to their dilapidated and simple home... If it is casual, Sanmao should have been wronged by not being valued, but Sanmao did not feel or doubt Jose's love, she still firmly believed that the person opposite was still stubbornly in love with herself, because she felt the other party's emotions with her heart instead of the form he gave herself.
Life is too much unexpected, some men obviously want to give each other good, but there are all kinds of accidents to stir up trouble, and finally bring to each other is bad; some men, safely enjoy the blandness of life, accompany in their own way, lack of pursuit of romantic temperament, obviously full of enthusiasm in the chest, but women want to see the romance.
Therefore, in marriage, don't be too harsh on men's sense of ceremony, maybe he also uses his heart to create but is accidentally mixed; maybe he is the kind of "stuffy man" who is not good at external cold and internal heat... Therefore, he who does not warm you with a sense of full ceremony may not care about you.
Similarly, if after marriage, he no longer looks at you seriously, it does not mean that he does not love you, maybe this is the original appearance of marriage.
Second, after marriage, he no longer looks at you seriously, not because he does not love you
Sanmao said that after marriage, Jose rarely looked at her squarely, so that she could be unscrupulous and happy regardless of the image.
It can be seen that she doesn't feel that she doesn't care anymore. She said: "Anyway, couple life, always eating, other times is busy making money for dinner..." Such a married life, Sanmao also feels that it is not much fun, but she still understands that it is not that person is less love, and this is the original appearance of married life, romantic warmth is a fragment, mostly fireworks.
But such a reality, many women are not adapted, often hear them complain about their husbands, eyes no longer linger on their bodies, every time they buy new clothes, full of expectations to change, ask him if he looks good, and the other party does not look at it casually to say "OK".
In fact, there are too many details in women's lives, men really have to look at the past, and they really can't eat it, not to mention, they may not be able to express their true thoughts after watching, and they can't say that women's hearts are on the ground, so that women will feel more aggrieved.
You may be able to endure these grievances, but it is even more sad if your in-laws let you be wronged, and your husband does not understand you and defend your grievances.
Third, the in-laws let you suffer all the grievances, he is not considerate and does not maintain
Perhaps, because of your little life, in the face of him alone, you will be wronged, you will complain but not be sad, but marriage is not the union of two people, but two families.
Getting along with your in-laws has become a compulsory test after marriage, and you may be kind and dedicated, but you are still picky by your in-laws. At this time, what you need most is his understanding or fair treatment, but then you suddenly find that he is on the opposite side of you, and they are a family. So you think: The love you have paid for it cannot be rivaled by blood and kinship after all, and grievances overflow the heart, and even disappointment, regret, and despair all pour into the heart.
The anger of the in-laws, Sanmao did not escape. Jose's family came to visit them, Sanmao greeted them with warmth, took care of them with all their hearts, and was sent to work hard and complain... In the end, there was still a lot of complaints and even accusations, Sanmao was aggrieved, Jose did not understand, he not only did not maintain comfort but even complained and accused together. Sanmao was sad, but never rose to the emotional gain or loss of Jose's love for himself.
Most of the contradictions between husband and wife have nothing to do with not loving. Moreover, men's handling of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is mostly related to cultural concepts, ideological character, and internal affairs ability, and may not be dominated by feelings.
In marriage, in the face of the contradictions of the extended family, men also have limited ability, so your one he can not maneuver freely, do not suffer from gain and loss, only care about grievances, find out the reasons, solve the problem.
Fourth, cheating in marriage is a woman's injury, but it does not have to be chaotic.
In marriage, whether it is spiritual infidelity or physical infidelity, it is hurt, especially for more emotional women, such as flash flood beasts, once encountered, it is like a slap in the face. This kind of grievance Sanmao even encountered.
Jose's love for Sanmao has been undeniable and undeniable, but Jose has also had a mental derailment.
Jose met a girl when she went to Spain for deep-sea diving training. He came back to Sanmao and said, "I am close to falling in love, if I am not married..." Sanmao naturally understood the implications, she was heartbroken but not angry, and sincerely said to Jose that she could go back to Taiwan for a year, if they were happy together she would not come back, if they were not happy, as long as a message, she would appear soon... Jose hugged Sanmao and cried bitterly, no longer mentioning the girl, not that Jose suppressed his emotions and carefully hid it, but that he really did not think about it anymore.
In the face of such a crisis, Sanmao still does not doubt Jose's love, because she knows that the heart is only a moment, and true love can withstand the test and will be eternal. If you can forgive, try to redeem, can not forgive, let go.
There is romantic warmth in marriage, but most of them are trivial, pyrotechnic, and even less contradictory, friction... Because women's emotions are more delicate, it is easier to feel various grievances in marriage, and women's deep grievances are mostly subconsciously believed that "men do not love themselves as before". But most of the contradictions between husband and wife have nothing to do with less love and don't care, so when encountering problems, don't rise to emotions, suffer from gains and losses, and thus be sad, even disappointed, and desperate.