How to maintain a balance between reason and emotion

In work and life, each of us is inseparable from reason and emotion, how to maintain a more balanced balance between reason and emotion, we need to balance in learning and observation.

The interaction between intellect and emotion is extremely complex. There are four reasons that prevent people from maintaining a rational and emotional balance: First, we do not understand our own and each other's emotions; Second, although we often consciously control our emotions, sometimes emotions fluctuate so rapidly that we are involuntarily dominated by them; third, even if reason itself triumphs over emotions and influences our behavior, we still cannot grasp that part of the emotions, and no matter how we cover them up or deny their existence, they will still bubble up to annoy us afterwards, and finally, the root cause of all these problems is that we are not mentally prepared for the emergence of emotions.

Experience the emotions of yourself and others. We are often unaware of our feelings. Unconsciously, we are already swayed by emotions such as uneasiness, frustration, fear, or anger and affect our every move. Before I was aware of my anger, others might have noticed that my neck muscles had tensed up, my face had begun to flush and my voice had changed.

We know even less about other people's emotions. Even if you try to hide your anger or fear, it will still unconsciously affect your behavior: the tone of your speech, sitting posture, breathing rate, etc. I also subconsciously notice these signs, and correspondingly feel uneasy, worried, or stubborn. If neither partner notices our own or the other's emotions, it will be difficult for us to control the way we express them, and the ability of both parties to deal with real problems will be affected.

Therefore, the first step in actively grasping a feeling is to be aware of its existence. To do this, we should learn to observe the emotional signals conveyed by the limbs. By observing the situation in various parts of the body, you can get important information about your emotions. Am I feeling sick in my stomach? Are your palms sweating? Are the jaw muscles tight? Did I clench my fists, or did I grab something hard? Speaking in a raised voice? These small gestures mostly convey emotions of anger, frustration, or fear. Soft voices, willingness to lean closer, moist eyes, these signs mean affection, sympathy, or sadness. My physical sensations may express different emotions on different occasions. Once you notice these changes, it is not difficult to perceive your emotions.

To develop this awareness, I may need to practice on different occasions and under varying degrees of stress. Start with the little things of the day—eat with friends, talk business with customers, watch a sad movie, have a difficult discussion—and use these occasions to develop a grasp of emotions and feelings. With an understanding of one's own physical responses, it becomes easier to perceive emotions. I can try to detect my emotions more often or in a more tense atmosphere.

With the limited amount of information available, it becomes difficult to understand each other's emotions. I can observe your every move and listen to the tone of your speech, but I can't know what you're thinking, and I may make a wrong judgment about how you feel. Still, we can analyze whether the other person is having large mood swings based on certain body language. Imagine if I were in your position, acting like you, speaking in your tone, what would I be thinking? The more you understand the other person's feelings, the more you can avoid the reinforcement of hostile emotions caused by hurtful words or behaviors, and avoid making harmful and unhelpful actions. In general, before touching on the essence of the problem, it is necessary to observe the emotional state of the other party.

After careful observation and more experience, you can keenly perceive the subtle changes in your body and voice, of course, there are always times when you can't touch it. In order to find the other person's emotions, I may need to confirm my judgment, such as when I say, "John, your fingers seem to be embedded in the handlebar of the chair, and the question I just asked you, don't you seem to be satisfied with the fact that I made you angry?" Body language is ambiguous, and our views are biased. Instead of ignoring the other person's feelings, it is better to speculate. Of course, it is very risky to use one's own speculation to act rashly without confirmation, and it is very likely that the two sides will misunderstand. If I don't have to ask you how I feel in a accusatory or arbitrary tone, I can avoid misunderstandings and the other person will naturally tell you how you really feel.

Paying attention to changes in mood helps me overcome emotional conflicts. Through practice, I can temporarily analyze the emotions of both sides objectively from the perspective of a bystander, and come up with countermeasures This sense of distance can also reduce the impact of my emotional fluctuations on behavior, and help to make reason play a balancing role. Don't be emotional and control your behavior. Just noticing one's emotions is not enough to control one's behavior. In a hurry, I may not have rushed to act without waiting for myself to make a rational decision.

Psychologists believe that during development, the brain first produces instinctive and emotional responses. Subsequently, the brain becomes more rational and gradually can control some low-level instinctive reactions. But the sinister environment can directly trigger emotional and physiological reactions, leading to a "short circuit" in rational thinking. Even the slightest fear or distrust can make us act and walk away; In the short term, while doing so, protects itself, it is not conducive to solving the problem rationally. Fear of abandonment leads to the same reaction. If a wife threatens to leave her husband, he may be furious and desperate, and this emotion will not help to solve the problem of his wife threatening to leave him.

Therefore, in work and life, we need to be good at observation and learning in order to balance our intellect and emotion!