Today we talk about the problem of the divorce rate of the college entrance examination, recently when we received consultation, we found such an interesting phenomenon, the college entrance examination has just ended, many people are holding back such an idea, that is, thinking that the children have grown up, the children have taken the college entrance examination, I can finally be relieved, do it back to myself, so I chose to give up marriage.
But what's the more comical thing? It is that many people who come to counseling are saying that they are impulsive and really regret it after giving up their marriage. Because there is a cooling-off period for divorce now, now in the cooling-off period, come and ask the teacher, do I still have a chance to save? I wanted to save it, but I didn't get used to it after a few days. So today we will also analyze it, why is the divorce rate of this college entrance examination so high now? Secondly, what does it inspire our feelings? In the end, when this child grows up, can we give up marriage?
First of all, let's analyze the reasons for the high divorce rate, we summarize this marriage, there are several periods. In different periods, we will have different views on marriage, what is the first one called? It's called the nesting period. To put it bluntly, it is the sweet period when we first started together, and at this time, we will go to build a lot of things together, such as buying a house together and buying a car together. What is our common goal at this time? It is to manage our feelings better, to manage our feelings farther, and may also adapt to the families of both sides, etc. This time is sweet, there is no emotional problem.
The second period is called the cooperation period. At this time, you can have some cooperation, for example, I am responsible for taking the children at home, and you are responsible for earning money outside. In the process of cooperation, there will certainly be a lot of contradictions, and what do most of these contradictions come from? These four words, of course.
It's that I think you're at home with kids, it's right, you're a mom, how can you not take kids? This woman thinks that you are right to make money outside, why don't you make money as a big man? At this time, there will be a gap, but at this time, your feelings will not be too much of a problem, why? You still have a common goal - child, you may still say that the child is still young, I have to be good for the child, I have to persevere, I have to endure.
Then comes the third period, called the adaptation period. What you have adapted to, adapted to such a life situation, and those barriers are accumulating higher and higher, this is the highest period of abandonment of marriage. And in this period, suddenly encountered a time, the child college entrance examination grew up, bang, spit out all the grievances, broke out and gave up.
So why do we talk about these three periods? You will find that in this period of abandonment, he lacks something, the common goal, the nesting period, your common goal, is to manage the relationship further. During the period of cooperation, your common goal is for the sake of the children, and in the end you lose the common goal. So it's like many couples, like what is called being able to share suffering and not sharing happiness, being able to live a hard life together, but there is no way to live a good life.
Let me give you an example, there was a Japanese cartoon before this, called my neighbor Jun Yamada, what is it about in this general? This family is very difficult and difficult, encountering many things and then it is difficult to overcome, but the family is very united, even when the tuition is not available, the family is very united, the heart is all together, and then life changes when it is better.
Then in our real life, in fact, it is also the case, you see, for example, there are many families, who may have lived in the countryside before, and the living conditions are not so good. At that time, although the family was living a hard life, they were very united, and they would not make a fuss about saying that I still had to divorce today, that time there was no time, tomorrow I would have to plant rice, where would I have time to divorce? So you see, later you may have moved to the city and your life is better, you will remember this matter, and then this divorce rate will also be higher.
Some people said that it was not the case, but because I found out now that he was not a good person. No, you haven't found out before? It's just that life was a little harder before, and you still have a common goal, in order to improve your life a little better, you hope to work hard to make life better, your children have a better life, and you can move to the city in the future. At this time, the communication goals are the same, so there will not be so many contradictions. And finally really move to the city, this life is good, you will put more thought on the marriage to be picky.
So after we interpret this reason, what is the inspiration for our feelings? Even if you've ever had this kind of thought, this kind of thinking, I'll say two things. First of all, if you really think that if you don't divorce and insist on it, it's for the good of the child, let me tell you what the psychology of the child is? In fact, this is exactly a kind of harm for children. Because if from a young age, he feels that his parents' feelings are not good, he is very sensitive, after the end of the matter, if he feels it, even some parents will say, if you and I leave early, the child's psychological pressure is very large. At this time, in fact, he is very insecure, and this insecurity will also be brought to his future life.
Secondly, you yourself, originally there was a problem in the marriage, you always think that it is the other party's problem, and then always think, one day in the future I can give up, and then you don't think about how to solve it. What will you do at this time is actually quite painful and torturous, and you will think that all the suffering is borne by me alone.
So what is the solution to the root cause? In fact, the teacher hopes that no matter what problems arise in the relationship, the first reaction should be to solve it. Some people may also argue with me, she said, the teacher is not I don't want to solve the problem, is this person hopeless, I feel that I am not suitable for him, indeed can give up. But what do I want you to give up? It is the abandonment after you have mastered the problem-solving ability, and that is called your choice. If there is no giving up of problem-solving ability, it is called avoidance, and I hope to have a reference for your feelings.
So finally leave everyone a homework, that is, you think about the current stage, what is the biggest problem between you and your partner? Write it down and put it in our comments section, I'll give you an analysis.