Ming Lotus | author
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Yesterday, I watched the 7th episode of "The Cultivation of Ordinary Women 2" and directly looked at me as decadent.
Who would have thought that his father, who had always loved Chen Jialing.
He actually gave the 300,000 he had saved to his first love, and he also called it "just the help of friends".
Just help?
So why did you brave the rain to meet each other and give them hugs?
And that's not all.
Jia Ling's cousin Yu Xuan, beautiful and intelligent and capable.
However, her husband not only opened a shop for Xiao San, but also beat her up and injured her.
What's even more tragic is that yuxuan is still holding on like that:
"Good thing I have someone to want".
And Jia Ling's mother, obviously already sad to go crazy, but turned around and saw that her husband had praised herself on the Internet, and she was happy again.
How poignant.
At the same time, I find that the attitude of these "scumbags" is also very subtle:
When Jialing's father "whitewashed", he described himself as a victim who "gave up his love for the sake of the family";
Yu Xuan's husband is even more excessive, cheating on domestic violence, not to mention, but also thinking of letting Xiao San dengtang into the room.
Such a situation is not uncommon in reality.
How can a person who is found to be unfaithful be able to "go threesome" so justifiably?
Is it because of its own inferior character, or is it that the other half is afraid to divorce?
With doubts, I studied biology and psychology.
The answer is far less simple than imagined.
Today, One Psychology will talk to you about why you are unfaithful in marriage.
Coolidge Effect:
Is "infidelity" written into the dna?
Derailment, of course, is not right.
However, a survey by Tencent Questionnaire showed:
Of the 70,000-person sample, 60.2 percent of men and 38.1 percent of women had cheated (including mental cheating).
This probability makes people call good guys.
Is it impossible for a creature like a human to be loyal at all?
The Coolidge effect, which explains this:
It is said that when U.S. President Coolidge and his wife visited a farm, they learned that roosters performed "duties" dozens of times a day, and different hens.
This is because most animals will enter the "refractory period" after mating and have no sexual interest in the original mating.
But if you assign them a new object, you can immediately come alive.
Biologically speaking, this is indeed a "rational act" that contributes to the continuation of the species.
Humans, as mammals, have similar characteristics.
Especially men.
It can be seen from this that the human species seems to lack the instinct of "loyalty" in the genes.
Monogamous,
It has never been the mainstream of humanity
In the long history of mankind, "marital fidelity" is not a universal value.
In an agrarian society, men have an absolute say in the marriage system.
The Zhou Li stipulates: "The ancient Heavenly Son shall establish six palaces, three wives, nine concubines, twenty-seventh wives, and eighty-one imperial wives."
In the West, although monogamy has long been practiced, behind it are lovers, socialites and illegitimate children.
For example, the famous Marquise de Pompadour was louis xv.v.
She not only openly "entered the house", but even set the "trend benchmark" for thousands of women.
It was not until human beings entered the industrial society and women gradually mastered the productive forces that people's views on marriage changed accordingly.
But the influence of the system and culture for a long time has not been so easy to defeat.
After a famous stand-up comedian got married, he was photographed many times in close contact with women.
He even wrote on Weibo: "It's not my problem, it's the problem of monogamy."
This view of marriage is also a portrayal of the hearts of some people.
They believe that it is nothing to play around occasionally outside of marriage, as long as there is this home in their hearts, it is not worth the fuss.
"Marriage is actually unconstrained on one's own life."
How ridiculous.
The essence of "infidelity" is avoidance
Marriage and human nature do have a certain degree of conflict.
Marriage is about stability and fidelity;
Human nature, on the other hand, craves "fast and furious."
In addition, in modern life, people often lose their sense of existence in busyness, dullness and mediocrity.
Men are disciplined into machines that earn money to support their families.
If Xiongjing fails, he will be ridiculed as "unworthy of being a man", and those who are bent on fighting for their careers will be complained that "there is no such family in their hearts".
And women, too.
Always forced to make a choice between family and the workplace, accompanied by pervasive sexism.
It can be seen that both men and women have the same confusion:
I always feel that I have given a lot, but I can't get the understanding and recognition of my other half.
So, outside of games, sports, shopping, and even work.
Infidelity has become another means of escape for people.
Happy families are always similar, while unhappy families have their own problems that they want to escape.
Some people are avoiding the "power struggle".
The well-known film master Takeshi Kitano is a well-known flower heart, and infidelity is a common thing for him.
He believes that the moment of encounter is the most beautiful moment of romantic relationship.
After that, in addition to the mutual liking of the two, there is only mutual compromise.
The "Kitano Takeshi" enjoy the harmony of the early stages of marriage, but it is difficult to face the run-in period that requires communication, compromise, and even struggle.
As a result, fresh "cinnabar moles" have become a life-saving straw to escape the power struggle within marriage.
As everyone knows, over time, cinnabar moles will also turn into mosquito blood.
At that point, a new round of escape began.
Some people are evading "losses".
They have neither the courage to leave the current dissatisfied relationship nor the reluctance to bear the negative effects of divorce.
Therefore, the choice of "stepping on two boats" to maximize benefits.
For example, Sun Xiaomo in "Children of the Qiao Family", she covets the honesty and reliability of the two strong, but also can't let go of the possibility of her boss marrying her, so she spends years on the "two boats".
Some people are escaping the "midlife crisis".
Recently, the well-known voice actor Tatsuya Suzuki was caught cheating.
In the past two years, his wife Lisa has become popular because she sang the theme song "Red Lotus Hua" of "Devil's Blade", and her career has flourished.
In contrast, his own career seems eclipsed.
It is said that the reason why he brought female fans home was to prove that his charm was still there.
So is the career not good, just want to make up for it sexually?
It can be seen from this that whatever reason the infidelity is, in essence, it is avoiding the life problems that should be borne by oneself.
Through the novelty and guilt that infidelity brings, it supports a life of increasing decadence and mediocrity.
As the British writer Wilde said: "The shackles of marriage are so heavy that it takes two people to bear it, sometimes three people." ”
The price of "infidelity" cannot be paid
Therefore, for some people, the model of "long-term marriage and occasional cheating" has become the "most cost-effective" choice.
As everyone knows, it seems to be taking advantage of it, but in fact, in unknown places, it has already paid a price.
The first thing to lose is the personal career and money.
For example, actor Wen Mou, a good hand of cards, because of the exposure of extramarital affairs, can not turn over for many years.
Another example is the inspirational writer B Mou Yang Kuang was revealed to have cheated on at least 50 women during marriage. The image of a disabled and optimistic life that was originally created has turned upside down, and the sales of books have also plummeted.
The same is true of ordinary people.
"The red flag at home does not fall, and the bunting flag flutters outside", which is very "expensive".
Recently, a news was exposed on the Internet: the wife inadvertently found that her husband transferred more than two million to Xiao San, which did not include the cost of buying luxury goods and travel.
Is there no price for people who are "not bad for money"?
Of course not.
This price will fester even deeper.
For example, Cheng Mou, who "made a mistake that men all over the world will make".
It seems that the original match "do not argue and do not grab", the lover "deeply rooted in love", into a certain sitting to enjoy the blessings of the people, career love field is not wrong.
But in fact, these women who are attached to him are taking revenge in a secret way.
Due to the absence of her husband, the original partner had to pin everything on her son, and she was very attached to him and overly controlled.
Wherever he went, he followed him.
When his son debuted, some people often praised him for being well-behaved and sensible, but he himself said: His mother sacrificed his life for him, and if he was not obedient, he would be sorry for her.
The long-term repression eventually led him to self-destruction.
On the other hand, the "lover" becomes a proper "evil mother" and vents all negative emotions on the daughter.
As a result, her daughter was exposed to mental abnormalities many times and attempted suicide.
Cheng's children, almost unconsciously, become "problem teenagers", through an almost self-destructive way, to attract the attention of their fathers and resist the suffocation of mother-child symbiosis.
In addition to the damage to one's career, the breakdown of one's family, and the loss of one's family.
Marriages full of "infidelity" can also make people pay an imperceptible psychological price.
It is manifested in the criticism of the self and the loss of confidence in the emotional management.
Many people think that unfaithful people enjoy the blessings of the Qi people, not to mention how refreshing.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
People who are caught up in multiple relationships are often very depressed inside.
Some time ago, my friend Ah Yong found me, and I couldn't believe that the sunshine boy in the classmate's record was the bald hunchbacked man in front of me.
As soon as he saw me, he smiled bitterly: "No way, I can't sleep all night, I have taken a lot of medicine, and people are out of shape."
Three years ago, he cheated on his female subordinate.
I wanted to get together with my wife and have a good time, but when I thought of my son, my heart softened, so I had to use sweet words and buy to buy and buy to stabilize my lover.
Last year, his son was young, and he also fully supported his wife to change the school district.
After this matter was known to the lover, he made a fierce fuss.
Due to the delay in getting a divorce, the originally gentle lover began to speak coldly to him, and often wrestled and beaten.
"You said that if you were so considerate of a girl, how did she become a crazy woman?" Ah Yong let out a long sigh.
Since this was the case, he thought, it was better to return to the family and live a good life.
However, I found that I don't know when it began, and my wife's eyes have long since disappeared from him.
It doesn't matter if you don't go home; what you do outside, don't care.
The only thing she cares about now is his money.
Ah Yong exhausted all means, and did not cover his wife's heart.
When people reach middle age, they are empty-handed, and there is nothing left except a piece of chicken feathers.
Slowly, Ah Yong suffered from depression, like a walking corpse.
This is the most deadly price of extramarital affairs.
Write at the end
Nowadays, people are less and less convinced of marriage.
Many readers often leave a message that "unmarried and infertile is safe".
It has even been predicted that the institution of marriage will collapse in the future visible to the naked eye.
There are many reasons for this idea, and "infidelity" is one of them.
Since it will eventually move from "sharing the same bed" to "sharing the same bed and different dreams", what is the need to get married?
But I have always believed:
Infidelity is a human instinct, but loyalty is our choice.
It is true that human biology, human nature, and the institution of marriage all foreshadow the possibility of "infidelity."
But there is no need to be overly pessimistic.
What we need to do is to examine whether each other has the "strength" to be loyal to each other before choosing to enter marriage.
Today, when uncertainty has surged, marriage has indeed become a game for the brave to a certain extent.
It requires mutual trust on both sides;
Need to invest energy, to continue to learn and operate;
It is even more necessary to be full of courage, even if the passion fades, we must firmly go on together.
But I'm still willing to believe that you'll run into someone:
Do not escape from the various crises in life, do not pour into the so-called "cinnabar mole" and "white moonlight".
It is the moment of willingness to take the oath at the wedding, and the long years that follow.
You're the only one.
Click to see, may there be lovers in the world:
Even in the face of life, you can still firmly choose each other.
The world and I love you.
Resources:
1. Baidu entry: Coolidge effect
Helen Fisher, "Why We Got Married and Why We Were Unfaithful"
Tencent survey
- The End -
About author:Minghe, psychological counselor. My only mission is to remind you of how perfect you are. The new book "I Love You and I Am Free."