I saw a question on the Internet: "What kind of people are you most afraid of dealing with?" ”
The most frequently occurring answers are "giant babies" and "lever spirits".
These two types of people seem to have nothing to do with each other, but they have many commonalities.
They are immature in their thinking, self-centered, do not care about the feelings of others, and do not know how to think in their own place.
Blindly consuming your emotions and challenging the limits of your patience can easily destroy intimate relationships and make people collapse.
Therefore, once you meet these two kinds of people, please refuse fiercely and leave decisively.
Xiaomei has recently looked tired, her face is sallow, and her haggard appearance is painful, and it is too tiring to get along with her husband.
The light bulb in the kitchen was broken, and his husband said that he had not changed the bulb, and she smeared and cooked for several days, and finally learned to change it herself.
Once, when she had a fever, her husband let her go to the hospital by herself, saying that she didn't see a doctor herself anyway, and she couldn't help much when she went.
She worked overtime to change the plan, tired and dizzy, but returned home to find that the husband was fighting in the game, his head did not look up, and the takeaway box was thrown to the ground.
Xiaomei felt very aggrieved, and her husband was still impatient: "Who forced you to work?" You can leave it alone! ”
No wonder Xiaomei looks loveless, with a giant baby who has no sense of responsibility, life is destined to be a disaster.
You think your teammates are opponents, and the leverage you think you need to do is your fulcrum.
They look harmless to humans and animals, but they are actually invisible people who are useless.
I once read a report, which was very bad and very realistic.
A man who has no job at the age of 30, although his parents are not very good, has been taking his son to eat old age after the divorce, and living a life of eating and opening his mouth to reach out.
His parents had no money, so he asked his parents to borrow it; if his parents didn't borrow it, he wanted to ride away from home; after being stopped, he actually crashed his head into the handlebar and cried, and said harshly, "I will break off relations with this family in the future."
Psychologist Wu Zhihong's description of the giant baby is to the point:
They are unwilling to take care of themselves in life, and always want to find someone to take care of themselves; everyone must be unified in a certain kind of thinking, and if the thinking is inconsistent, there will be a rift;
They are opposed to independence, the collective cannot suppress the individual, the individual cannot be separated from the collective; they have no boundaries, and once they establish them, they feel that there is no connection between the two people at all, and they are divided.
But he couldn't see the efforts of others, he didn't know how to be grateful; he didn't think about changing the status quo, coveting comfort, and avoiding responsibility.
Without empathy, blindly taking but not doing anything, to put it bluntly, it is selfish and does not deserve sympathy and help.
Writer Li Xiaomo said: "Always to be better than others in words is the lowest emotional intelligence I have ever seen."
People who love to raise the bar never pursue right and wrong, only like to suppress others, and "winning" is the result they want.
People with a strong physique have poor comprehension and explosive combat effectiveness; their expression is not good, and their sense of existence is explosive.
They think of malice as honesty and their unspeakable words as humor.
No matter what you say, they always have a set of logic waiting to confront you, the content of what is said is not important, first after the mouth addiction, minutes make you doubt life.
- You say the dish is delicious, he says it's too greasy;
- You say you are busy at work, he says you are inefficient;
You say it's stressful, he says it's not easy as long as you live.
Colleague Pony is a standard bar.
Once his work was stubble, and he actually refused to admit it, and he got into a fight with another colleague.
The colleague brought him the work instruction book, and when he looked at the black and white paper, he was speechless.
But when I saw the year of the cover, I immediately came to the fighting spirit: "This is the process of last year, how can I guide the current work." ”
The colleague found the chat record of the original handover, and he retorted: Words are dead, people are alive, and it is necessary to adapt to the actual situation.
The poor colleague spent half a day in vain, so angry that he vomited blood.
In fact, the logic of the bar is to take the meaning out of context, exaggerate the words, and you want to reason with him calmly, which is more difficult than ascending to the heavens.
The words of a blogger friend have penetrated my heart:
Every time I finish communicating with unreasonable people, I understand dictators better! Communicating with them is a waste of time and a waste of life.
In fact, the unreasonable raising of the bar, adding to the other party's blockage, is also adding trouble to yourself.
There is a sentence in "It is better to be angry than to be angry":
"If you always raise the bar and refute it, you may be able to win occasionally, but it is an empty victory, because you will never get the other party's favor." 」
It is said: often compete with the same good, do not argue with fools about the length and weakness.
Lever wins the tongue, lever loses people's hearts, will only expose their lack of social skills, low cognition.
Growing up is a compulsory course in life, and growing up means learning to be independent and take on social responsibilities; learning to be sympathetic and understanding, encompassing everything in the world.
But the real situation is that giant babies do not suddenly become mature, and the lever spirits do not immediately become rational, and they are difficult to change.
If you continue to consume, it is like falling into a swamp, it will only sink deeper and deeper.
Someone said, "Your kindness does not necessarily bear good fruit, but it may feed a salivating poisonous snake baby." ”
Giant babies need to suck nutrients, and if your way doesn't change, it's fueling a giant baby, and in the end it's laborious and hurtful, making him harm others and harm himself.
Like giant babies, bar spirits can also make people feel very hurt and regretful.
When we respond to the provocation of the bar spirit, we often refuse to be reluctant and reluctant, and as a result, we are unconsciously abducted and deviated, turning ourselves into a nasty look.
There's a saying that goes something like this:
There is no need to compete with the bar. If you win, you raise his cognition; if you lose, your mood will get worse throughout the day; it will be flat, and your precious time will be wasted.
For these two kinds of people, it is necessary for us to master some getting along skills.
For giant babies
1. Don't deliberately care about him and worry about him, or denigrate him and isolate him, and don't have to talk too much truth to let him learn to be independent.
2. Get rid of your sacrificial spirit, teach him the solution, and don't do anything for him.
3. Praise and guidance are necessary, give him some motivation, and mobilize his enthusiasm.
For leverage
1. Make him "cool": "You are all right." ”
2. Make him "unhappy": "I just think I'm good!" ”
3. Don't answer the phone, hang him in place.
Whether it is a giant baby or a bar spirit, no one is obliged to endure.
Please the giant babies stand up and be real giants; please shut up and be a sane adult.
We must remember the adult communication rules: for those who do not like, those who can stay away are far away, and those who cannot be away are kept away in their hearts.
"Rejecting giant babies and staying away from the bar spirit" is the greatest self-discipline of adults.
I have seen such a sentence and agree with it:
You can accept someone who won't coax you, but don't tolerate someone who only knows how to rely on you; you can accept someone who can't talk, but don't tolerate someone who can't communicate.
With the giant baby, the heart is exhausted, no matter how much effort you spend, he will turn a blind eye and enjoy it as he deserves.
Arguing with the bar spirit, nine times out of ten, no matter how you convince people with reason, you can't resist their nonsense.
The happiest thing for a person to live in a lifetime is that his own efforts and his words are affirmed and recognized by others.
Indulgence is not true love, and reason is not arguing.
For the rest of our lives, we must have an impatient determination, and there must also be the wisdom of not competing.
Do not tangle with giant babies and bar spirits, have principles in their hearts, and have rules in their mouths.
Knowing what to do, how to do it, being sober and calm at the right time, and maintaining a calm mood is your most solid armor and warmest appearance.
Author | Xu Xiaoxu swallowed the fireworks and pretended to be a literary fan.
Image | Visual China