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Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

New Weekly

2024-05-12 11:03Published on the official account of Guangdong New Weekly

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

Reporter| Ah Zhen

Edit|Felicia

At the beginning of this year, actor Tao Xinran took her mother Tao Yuedi to participate in a native mother-daughter emotional reality show "Is a Daughter is a Mother". Tao Xinran recalled the preparation clip of crying when he was "chicken baby" in his childhood, which quickly sparked heated discussions.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

▲Photo provided by the interviewee

When the image of "controlling mother" was pieced together through the fragments of the show, the audience seemed to have suddenly found a reason for Tao Xinran to play An Lingrong, who was low-eyed and pleasing to the eyes in "The Legend of Zhen Huan". But if you chat with Tao Xinran, you will find that she is completely different from An Lingrong. She said that she "doesn't dodge" and is always full of "Xiaoqiang spirit", all of which come from her mother's subtle influence.

"Ms. Tao Yuedi is a very advanced mother, she protects my edges and corners. If there were no her, there would be no Tao Xinran who is now in the sky. In the unfinished narrative of the show, the relationship between mother and daughter is not as bitter, complaining and gunpowder as most people imagine.

"An Lingrong is submissive, and I am full of spikes"

For as long as Tao Xinran can remember, home and school have been inseparable. Since both parents are teachers, the family lives in the building of the school's family compound. The school's playground is her "amusement park" inside and outside the classroom. Every summer, the teachers and staff who sit on the side of the playground and bring small benches to enjoy the shade, chatting about the results of students and their own children.

In the show, Tao Yuedi attributed her high requirements for her daughter to vanity. Tao Xinran feels that this stems from the habitual thinking of parents as teachers - teachers' children should become talents.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"

Tao Xinran has an older brother, and since elementary school, the two have been burdened with heavy "exam KPIs", and thus formed a solid "anti-fighting" alliance. A mother's harshness is not just for her daughter. Tao Xinran remembered that the naughty brother was punished more.

Although they are already "other people's children" in his mouth, the brother and sister still do not meet the standards of their mothers. In Tao Xinran's impression, her mother never compares herself with other children, but constantly improves her learning goals, and has almost no other requirements except for grades.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"

Driven and spurred on by the insatiable desire to "surpass herself", her rebellion came before her potential. Her parents planned in advance for her to be admitted to key high schools and universities, however, Tao Xinran, who began learning dance at the age of 6, insisted on choosing to enter an art school.

In retrospect, Tao Xinran felt that she was not averse to learning, and perhaps the "two Tao teachers" (Tao's father and Tao's mother) had a different way of education, and she might naturally study law, language and other majors as they wished.

But since she was in junior high school, she has resisted in silence - "I always felt that I was helping them learn, learning so well and so hard, one day, I decided not to study for them." When she was in class, she put up her textbook and quietly read a novel underneath. After the second year of junior high school, her grades "as she wished" all the way down, and she completely bid farewell to key high schools.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"

Agreeing to her daughter's art school was the mother's first compromise, but it was not the last. Seeing her daughter win a stack of awards from art school every year, and slowly becoming convinced that her daughter can take responsibility for her life decisions, her mother no longer tries to control and restrain her.

When my daughter was in art school, there was little communication between mother and daughter. My mother took a shuttle bus from Anhua to Changsha once a month to help her wash her clothes, afraid that she would not be used to eating the canteen, and would bring her own bacon and pickles. Mom never asks about the scholarship from the school, even if her daughter may spend it all within a week.

The 17th floor of the main building of Hunan Satellite TV is also known as the "backbone floor", and Tao Xinran interned here in his junior year. She worked as an intern in the reception department, often participated in the reception of foreign TV station delegations, and tried to edit films with editors - she found that she did not love the job and could not study it seriously, and she burst into tears every day during the three days of editing. After the internship ended, Tao Xinran left Hunan alone, rented a house in Beijing, and informed her mother that she had decided to stay in Beijing.

Mom was sobbing on the other end of the phone, but she didn't stop her. Hanging up the phone, the daughter received a remittance from her mother. "Since I was 14 years old (in art school), she has stopped influencing my decisions. I am very grateful to her for respecting and protecting me so that I can do what I love. ”

"The mother who is the unity of knowledge and action taught me to 'not dodge'"

"There is a photo at home, she is wearing a long white skirt and a pair of fashionable white plastic high heels, combing long braids, which is particularly beautiful."

In her daughter's memory, her mother was a fashionable Chinese teacher, who liked to wear pointed high heels, would tie a floral shirt into a skirt, perm big waves, and comb "a cloud" bangs, fashionable, tall and slender.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

▲Photo provided by the interviewee

She is also a fashionable mother, thinking that her daughter can cultivate temperament and interest from an early age, and send her daughter to learn dance. She will also take the initiative to learn about emerging things, in the 90s of the 20th century in Anhua County, the family has long used disinfection cupboards.

What impressed Tao Xinran the most was that when the "struggle" of art school was successful, the first thing her mother did was to take her to have orthodontics. That was 25 years ago, orthodontics was not popular in China, and the cost was very high, a pair of orthodontic braces cost more than 2,000 yuan, which was a lot of expenses, but my mother paid for it without saying a word.

When she was studying in an art school, most of her classmates' monthly living expenses were only about 500 yuan, and Tao Yuedi gave her daughter 1,000 yuan. Although her husband strongly objected, Tao Yuedi also firmly said: "I will give it to her, so that she will not be deceived by the little benefits given by boys in the future." ”

For a long time, Tao Xinran thought that her mother's "advanced thoughts" came from her wealthy family background. It wasn't until the two of them participated in a variety show together that the past that they had never talked about surfaced.

After the show was broadcast, seeing the audience's interpretation, Tao Xinran went to ask her mother to find out that "Yuedi" is not "surpassing the younger brother", but "asking for the younger brother" ("Yue" is pronounced "yào" in the Anhua dialect).

When Tao Yuedi was born in 1962, there were already two older sisters in the family, and later a younger sister, and finally a younger brother. In the general perception of rural families at that time, boys were important in everything. The younger sister dropped out of school halfway, and even if the younger brother didn't like to read, the whole family worked hard for him to study. The torrent of the times is pouring down, and there is no other way than to grow up desperately, a rural girl like Tao Yuedi.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

 ▲ "My Sister"

"Mom's strictest requirement is herself." My mother is not only an advanced individual and a backbone teacher in the unit, but also took a year off from work to work in a photo studio because she likes photography.

Tao Xinran's mother in her memory is always in a state of high morale. My mother was the only one in the family who wore glasses - during the confinement period, my mother read books all night in order to prepare for the correspondence exam, and her eyes were "broken".

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

 ▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"

The more she experienced, the more Tao Xinran admired her mother: "She is a mother who combines knowledge and action, many people deal with their children and life in a state of numbness, but Tao Yuedi is not, she is a person who does what she says." ”

When Tao Xinran was admitted to junior high school, she almost gave up dancing, so her mother insisted on getting up at 5:30 every morning, trotting all the way, sending her to the dance school, waiting for her daughter to finish practicing, and then going back to work - so persevered for more than half a year, until her daughter was bored with the semester. In Tao Xinran's view, few mothers can be so insistent: "Many parents let themselves be mediocre and lazy, but they ask their children to become dragons and phoenixes, isn't this ridiculous?" ”

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

 ▲ "Little Shede"

"Ever since I was a child, my mother told me to be honest and kind. That's what she's always done. A few years ago, Tao Xinran chatted with his brother and talked about how the old clothes at home always disappeared suddenly when he was a child, only to know that his mother would regularly give clothes to students from difficult families. There were children in the class who couldn't afford to buy homework books, and their mother said she would take care of them until they graduated from elementary school.

Tao Xinran said that his "non-dodge" personality is the same as that of his mother. "I think as long as I am honest and kind, there is nothing to shy away from. I dare to face all people and things. ”

"Mother and daughter live together, I taught my mother to 'admit defeat'"

In recent years, Tao Xinran often said to her mother: "Don't worry, we can admit defeat, it's not a big deal." ”

Tao Xinran always couldn't help but use the word "superman" to describe her mother, but she quickly refuted herself: "Why do you ask your mother to be superman?" Why do you ask your mother to be meticulous in everything and not collapse yet? In her opinion, it was a kind of kidnapping of her mother. She hopes that her mother can gradually unload her strict self-requirements and relax.

There will always be various situations in variety show shooting. Once the filming time was delayed by half an hour, Tao Yuedi couldn't help but joke with her daughter: "In your industry, the working hours are quite flexible!" "Because of her professional habits over the years, my mother attaches great importance to time and efficiency." I'll tell her, don't rush, take your time. ”

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

▲Photo provided by the interviewee

One year, my mother drove to Changsha alone to pick up her daughter back to Anhua for the New Year. On the return journey of more than 200 kilometers, Tao Xinran stopped to rest halfway, and Tao Xinran saw the white hair on his mother's sideburns. Although her mother was as tough and strong as before, she clearly felt that the seemingly invincible woman in front of her was aging day by day.

After Tao Xinran gave birth to her daughter He Tao, Tao Yuedi, who was promoted to grandmother, was not worried about her daughter's confinement in Beijing, so she volunteered to come over to take care of them, and the cohabitation of three generations also began. "Teacher Tao", who used to say everything, put away her sharp edge, but she still has strong vitality and a strong desire for knowledge.

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

 ▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"

After adapting to the climate and environment of the north, Tao Yuedi arranged her life in an orderly manner. She loves Beijing because a lot of things here are new to her. Tao Xinran came back from filming and found that her mother not only signed up for a health class, but also fell in love with playing karaoke software, and sang at home with a small microphone every day.

When they are not filming, at home, the mother and daughter have almost the same schedule. In the morning, after sending their children to school, the two of them would eat breakfast and chat together; When they are busy, they do their own things, and mom will video chat with dad, go out for a walk, and chat with neighbors; Occasionally, they also play sports, go for a walk, or go out shopping.

Tao Xinran will go home as soon as possible after work, and strive to spend more time with his family. 9 o'clock in the evening is my mother's rest time, and Tao Xinran will also turn on the silent mode of the mobile phone and withdraw from work.

Three generations live together, and friction also occurs from time to time. Tao Xinran and her mother agreed on this - don't ignore the contradictions in silence, and don't argue loudly. When they disagree, they seek common ground in the chat. "We want to show our children that there is not only one voice in the world, and that it's normal for everyone to think differently."

Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"

 ▲ "It's a daughter is a mother"

Although living together, Tao Xinran does not want to change her mother, she thinks: "We all want each other to become more in line with our imagination, but living together requires a comfortable state, not forced binding." "In place of contention, there is more and more mutual compromise. "Teacher Tao", who has been strong for most of her life, is no longer stubborn, and her daughter, who once refused to communicate, began to gently point out her mother's mistakes - "I repeatedly emphasized to her that Mom, I deny you, it doesn't mean that I don't love you." ”

Two years ago, at the home where they lived together, my mother had a cerebral infarction. This is the second time Tao Xinran has sent her mother to the hospital, and she is suddenly terrified: "I may be without a mother soon." Now that the mother and daughter talk about this experience, the mother still feels guilty, but Tao Xinran only feels lucky.

"She often said that she was here to help me, but she didn't expect to cause me trouble. I'd tell her, 'Mom, I need you. Actually, there is another meaning - Mom, I want to take care of you. ”

Contents: Ah Zhen

Editor: Felicia

Typesetting: Yang Panpan

Caption: Courtesy of the interviewee

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  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
  • Tao Xinran: I taught my mother to "admit defeat"
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