Since its launch, the mother-daughter emotional reality show "Is a Daughter is a Mother" has aroused discussions among many netizens.
The four mothers and daughters in the show present a diverse intergenerational relationship.
Among them, the family relationship of An Lingrong's actor Tao Xinran and her experience of being suppressed since childhood made netizens empathize fiercely.
Why is the Chinese-style intergenerational relationship always so awkward?
In the Chinese-style intergenerational relationship,
How many people are healing themselves?
During this time, there was one discussion of intergenerational relationships.
In "It's a Daughter and a Mother", Tao Xinran's childhood experience immediately made people understand why she was able to play An Lingrong in detail.
Mom is a teacher, so she is always required of the highest standards, and the education method is simple and rude.
When she came home with a score of 98, her mother would ask her how she lost those two points, and then beat her up.
She was fourth in the class, and her mother would ask why she wasn't in the top three, and then beat her up in order to kill her prestige.
This typical repressive education made Tao Xinran feel inferior and sensitive when he was a child, and he always had a grudge against his mother.
Until her daughter He Tao was born, Tao Xinran used the way she longed to educate her daughter since she was a child, just like raising herself all over again.
She will respect He Tao very much and hope that her daughter will be herself.
In the process, she gradually healed herself, let go of her childhood experiences, and reconciled with her mother to a certain extent.
This kind of mother-daughter relationship coincides with the hit drama "Fireworks" some time ago.
The mother only "punches" her daughter, and has been controlling her daughter since she was a child.
Many viewers said: It's realistic, it's like seeing the way you get along with your parents.
There is also Wang Luodan and her mother in "It's a Daughter and Mother", there is a lack of a sense of boundary.
The daughter longs for independent space, but the mother always has to meddle in everything.
The daughter is used to reporting good news but not bad news, but her mother wants to know everything in detail.
Mom described the two as "best friends" and talked about everything. But Wang Luodan said: The relationship between the two is unequal, criticized, confrontational, and unknown.
Some time ago, the parents of the disappointing family have also repeatedly appeared on the hot search.
Whenever children want to share their life experiences with their parents and let their parents experience the things they love, they will pour cold water on them.
Both sides seem to be "brainless" and "unhappy".
The young people are enthusiastic about offering treasures, but the older generation is always shaking their heads bitterly.
In the shadow of many "intergenerational tragedies", "electronic relatives" have become the spiritual sustenance of netizens.
Many Internet accounts update their daily lives and share their lives from the perspective of grandparents, parents, etc.
The trivial content is sparse and ordinary, but it has been chased by many people's true feelings.
Why is there so much attention to intergenerational relationships during this time?
It's obviously an expression of love,
Why does it hurt so much?
I am keen to discuss intergenerational relationships because the family of origin is a group topic.
Therefore, whenever there is a relevant discussion point, it can arouse the public's empathy and desire to communicate.
The idealized family relationship fills the emotional gap and lack of common sense in people's hearts through the empathy effect. At the same time, it also satisfies the idealized needs of family affection: mutual support, unconditional love and acceptance......
Why is it that many of the ways in which Chinese parents educate their children are repressive and lack a sense of boundaries...... Obviously it is an expression of love, but it has brought harm to the children?
The emphasis on filial piety and obedience is the main reason.
In a social culture that emphasizes collectivism and obedience traditions, parents may be more inclined to adopt a repressive education that emphasizes obedience and respect, and expects their children to conform to social expectations and family honor.
However, this will ignore the individuality and needs of the child, and make the child feel oppressed and constrained.
With high expectations for their children's future, Chinese parents also unconsciously put too much pressure on their children.
However, this can cause children to feel uneasy, anxious, and even rebellious.
In the concept of parents, they may also think that their children are their "private property": since they are "my children", they can of course interfere in their lives and decisions at will.
However, this lack of a sense of boundaries not only infringes on children's personal space and autonomy, but also easily leads to children's lack of independence and self-decision-making ability in adulthood.
Parents often lack effective communication skills when it comes to communication.
Chinese parents always use indirect and subtle ways to express their love.
They always express "I care about you" by providing material conditions or arranging the child's life, rather than directly verbally affirming and encouraging them.
They tend to hide family situations and deal with difficulties on their own, but this can also make children feel alienated, feel that their parents are not close to them, and they do not trust them.
The deviation of educational philosophy also makes many parents not know how to let their children grow better.
Parents' own upbringing and educational background influence how they are educated.
Many parents also experienced inappropriate upbringing as a child and considered it "normal" and even beneficial to their children.
There are also some parents who, because their own emotional needs are not met, place their emotions on their children, place too high expectations on their children, and even show their "love" through repressive education.
Awkward ways of expressing love often leave children feeling confused and hurt.
The lack of scientific knowledge and methods of education also makes parents feel confused when educating their children.
Many parents do not treat children as "people", but as "objects", thinking that children do not understand anything.
But in fact, parents' behavior will affect their children's thinking logic, behavioral habits and life direction......
Many children have taken many detours when they grow up, only to realize that the education they received since childhood is inappropriate.
As a result, they began to reflect on their family of origin and try to heal themselves.
After recuperating yourself,
Finally reconciled with the original family?
Since 2019, there has been a surge in online discussions about the family of origin.
Family dramas such as "Ode to Joy", "It's All Good" and "Little Joy" have sparked heated discussions, making "the scars brought by intergenerational contradictions in the original family to their children" hotly discussed.
During the mask period, many people's lives were forced to press the pause button, or spend a long time with their families. It has also prompted more people to start rethinking intergenerational relationships.
The public discussion of the family of origin reflects the increased focus on individual growth.
In online discussions, netizens generally feel that the shortcomings of the original family will cause problems such as "low self-esteem", "sensitivity", "insecurity" and "fear of marriage", which will affect the direction of life.
However, the new generation is also gradually seeing, accepting and valuing the meaning of "independent individual".
People can't choose their family of origin, but they can try to get themselves out of the shadow of childhood.
The rise of self-healing now actually shows that in the process of finding ourselves, we are also looking at the original family rationally and actively eliminating the negative impact of the original family.
Realizing that behind resentment is actually love, completely denying parents will not really liberate oneself.
The goal of self-healing is to gradually see that parents are also victims of the combined effects of the whole family, society, and culture in which they live.
The inappropriate way they are being educated is not necessarily an individual problem, but can also be a systemic problem.
Since they are all victims, why should they resentment and hurt each other?
The line of family affection will eventually face the winds of time.
Every generation has its own blessings and misfortunes.
Even the most closely related parents and children will have countless contradictions, disputes, cold wars and misunderstandings, and even wounds and secrets that they do not want to be discovered.
We all look forward to the ideal family of origin, but that only exists in the imagination.
The best way to deal with intergenerational relationships is to slowly learn to calm down and face the complex experiences that the relationship gives us.
Because for everyone, intergenerational relationships are bonds that will last a lifetime.
This bond is very complex, and in addition to contradictions, there is also responsibility, care, and love.