In "The Psychology of Anxiety", there is a little story that resonates with everyone.
Tian Ning is a person who has high requirements for himself.
Any small problem will turn into an irreparable catastrophe in her eyes.
Some unconscious small movements of a friend, Tian Ning will think that this friend does not like him.
At work, as long as there is the slightest mistake, she will feel very uneasy, and she will lose her job because of it.
Tian Ning often does it himself, pursuing the ultimate accuracy, but he is anxious that the leader feels that he is not up to the job and dismisses him.
Under such work pressure and psychological pressure, even if there were no problems, Tian Ning still chose to resign.
This is the typical way of thinking and behaving of an anxious person.
They are accustomed to magnifying small things infinitely to the point where they cannot bear them, imagining the worst possible outcome.
In their eyes, there are no trifles, only disasters.
The Psychology of Anxiety explains why:
"High work pressure and heavy financial burden are the external triggers of anxiety, and the way of thinking, cognitive patterns and high demands on oneself are the root causes of anxiety. ”
Demanding perfection is often counterproductive
In "The Psychology of Anxiety", there is such a little story.
The descendants are famous marksmen during the Xia Dynasty, who pierced through Yang in a hundred steps, and the arrows were not in vain.
When King Xia heard about his descendant's skills, he was eager to see his superb archery skills with his own eyes.
So King Xia ordered people to arrange a wide field and place an arrow target with a diameter of about an inch at a hundred paces away.
King Xia promised that if his descendants could hit the bull's-eye, he would reward them with gold and ten thousand yi;
If he misses, he will reduce the fiefdom of 1,000 descendants.
The descendant walked a hundred steps away from the arrow target, looked at the bullseye in the distance, and kept replaying in his mind what King Xia had just said.
The bull's-eye, which can be easily shot on a daily basis, has become extremely far away at this time.
The descendant drew his crossbow and thought about the consequences of the arrow, and his hands began to tremble unconsciously.
In the end, the arrow hit a few inches away from the bull's-eye.
The end was decided, and the descendant put away his bow and arrows without saying a word, said goodbye to King Xia, and left the palace.
Seeing the performance of his descendants, disappointed, King Xia couldn't help but wonder:
"Descendants can hit every chance on weekdays, why are they so bad today?"
In fact, we all know:
Everything should be done in moderation, and too much.
The descendants shoot arrows on weekdays, and they don't have any baggage in their hearts, and the arrows they shoot naturally are not restrained.
When the arrows you shoot will bring pros and cons and affect your own vital interests, your descendants will inevitably be anxious and nervous, which will make it impossible to play normally.
As stated in The Psychology of Anxiety:
"Only under moderate anxiety, both tension and pressure, and being targeted, can we achieve the highest efficiency in doing things. ”
When faced with something big, if we can learn to regulate our anxiety levels, our abilities can naturally be fully utilized.
Unwarranted speculation will only trap the pace of progress
Have you ever had an experience like this:
Always afraid that others will not like you;
Feeling overwhelmed when speaking in public, afraid that you will say the wrong thing;
refuses to be the center of attention, and likes to hide in a corner where no one is looking;
Moya in "The Psychology of Anxiety" is such a person.
He had always felt that his life was a mess and that there was nothing to satisfy him.
From a very young age, Moya became nervous and anxious as soon as she came into contact with others.
So when he was in a group activity, he always ran away, but if he couldn't escape, he stayed silently in a corner where no one was.
Moya has a good academic record, but he never answers questions in class.
When the teacher asks him questions, even if he knows the answer, he can't answer fluently.
In order not to make a fool of himself in class and avoid attracting everyone's attention, Moya is always used to sitting in the back row.
After entering the workplace, Moya's anxiety became more and more serious.
During the interview, he could not express his needs smoothly, but left the interviewer with the impression of being arrogant and not knowing etiquette.
In order to reduce contact with others, Moya had to find a job with little contact with people, limiting his range of activities to his own residence.
Only then will Moya feel relaxed.
The party was a kind of torture for Moya, because every time he came to such an occasion, he would have bad thoughts about himself, thinking that others thought he was stupid.
The Psychology of Anxiety defines this condition as social phobia.
The term social phobia is not unfamiliar to us at all, but we never knew that it was also a type of anxiety disorder.
Patients with this type of anxiety disorder tend to worry too much about what others have to say about them, and this worry leads to fear and anxiety about any social interaction.
They focus excessively on themselves and exaggerate the negative perceptions of others about themselves.
But it's not the other people who have negative perceptions, it's the patients themselves.
They predict situations that make them anxious, which in turn increases the patient's anxiety.
In this way, the cycle repeats, and escape becomes the only way they can choose.
Instead of being enslaved by anxiety, learn to accept
"The Psychology of Anxiety" says:
"People are faced with choices everywhere in the journey of life, just like taking a new path, we cannot meet what dangers are hidden on the other side of the road, so we will inevitably have an anxious experience. ”
Since anxiety is inevitable, what we can do is to face it, understand it, and accept it.
1. Accept negative emotions
If you want to master your mind and emotions, then you can never truly get rid of anxiety.
We're all looking for emotional stability, but emotional stability isn't emotionless.
Happiness is not the norm in life, people will inevitably have negative thoughts and negative emotions, and suffer because of it.
If we are always trying to suppress negative emotions and eliminate all negative thoughts.
Instead, it becomes a force that torments oneself and is unable to think about the worthwhile things in life.
So, accept these negative thoughts and emotions and learn to let things go with the wind.
Maybe you will get a different inner experience.
2. Focus on the present moment
For many people with anxiety disorders, they tend to ignore the present and dwell on past failures and mistakes.
But Rabindranath Tagore once said:
"If you cry because you miss the sun, then you will miss the stars too. ”
The ancients also told us:
"Realize that the past is not admonished, and those who come can be traced. ”
The past is irretrievable, but we still have a future!
The years to come can still catch up.
When you realize that your mind is flying back into the past, immediately stop your thinking and return to the present moment.
3. Release negativity
Pain Perception in Chinese Medicine:
"If it doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt. ”
It's the same with negativity.
Studies have found that allowing patients to confide their inner privacy, express their true inner thoughts, and express their negative emotions can effectively restore patients' psychological functions and eliminate their inner barriers.
Negativity is like garbage in the human body, and if you ignore it, it will only pile up.
If you get rid of all the invisible garbage in your body, you will feel refreshed.
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Anxiety is a basic emotion shared by human beings, just like the moon is cloudy and sunny, it is just an emotional experience.
As stated in The Psychology of Anxiety:
"Anxiety is like the 'flu' of psychological problems, and everyone can't help but feel anxious.
It's like a mantra on top of everyone's head. ”
But the cold will be cured one day, and the mantra will be taken off one day.
So, please face up to your anxiety and learn to be the master of your anxiety.
Author丨Poetry Man Zhou Chunyu
Picture | Submitted by poetry and photography enthusiasts