Every emotion deserves to be seen.
Author: Insight MK
I saw a topic on Weibo: "Real emotional stability is not patience." ”
Many people think that the so-called emotional management is a gentle temper that will not have big ups and downs.
But in fact, forcibly suppressing one's emotions and forcing oneself to stabilize when encountering problems often only backfires.
Unreleased emotions are like a time bomb hidden in your body, and you never know how terrible it will be when it really explodes.
Let's start with three stories.
1
The first story originated from a case told by Dr. Luo Dalun.
The visitor, Ms. M, is married to a man who is short-tempered and incriminating.
Every once in a while, her husband would quarrel with her over some trivial things.
Ms. M was full of grievances and pain.
But in order to maintain the stability of her family, she has been swallowing her anger, no matter how big the grievances are, she will bury them in her heart, and no matter how much pain she has, she will not say anything.
However, the mood can be suppressed, but the pain on the body cannot be hidden.
A few years later, she was originally very healthy, but she inexplicably became skinny, her face turned blue, and her whole person was much haggard.
After a check-up, it was found that it was an advanced stage of kidney cancer.
When she heard the doctor's diagnosis, she almost fainted from crying.
Luo Dalun was very sad about what happened to this lady, and he told Ms. M:
90% of the body's ailments are related to deliberately suppressed emotions.
Many serious diseases, including cancer, are caused by long-term emotional depression, and your illness is stifled by yourself.
If you hadn't held everything in your heart, you wouldn't have been able to get such bad luck at all.
When Ms. M heard this, she fell into deep remorse, but unfortunately, it was too late.
2
The second story is derived from Yu Hua's novel "I am as timid as a mouse".
The protagonist of the book, Yang Gao, under the education of his parents, has been honest since he was a child, and he does not fight or rob.
Even if others laugh at him, he won't fight back.
When he was a child, there were children who provoked him and spit in his face, and he endured it.
When he entered the factory as an adult, his colleagues robbed him of his technical workers and asked him to do some rough cleaning work, and he endured it.
On weekdays, his colleagues are lazy and lazy, and he is diligent and diligent, cleaning the workshop machines shiny and shiny.
But when it was his turn to give bonuses and divide the unit, there was no place for him, so he still endured it.
No matter what happens, he always responds with a smile.
But this kind of forbearance did not gain him good popularity.
On the contrary, others regarded him as a fool, thinking that he was as cowardly as a mouse, and could be slaughtered by others, and began to bully him even more.
Finally one day, Yang Gao suddenly decided not to hold back anymore.
After the worker beat him again, he directly took a knife and was about to cut at the worker's neck.
The workers were frightened half to death, lying on the ground and begging for mercy, saying all the good things, and only then did a tragedy be averted.
3
The third story is the story of writer Su Qing.
Su Qing is dignified and talented, and is recognized as a talented woman.
But such a person has also sacrificed himself for the sake of his family and endured for half his life.
When he was 20 years old, Su Qing followed his mother's advice and gave up school to get married.
In order to be a perfect wife, she not only gave up her favorite literary writing, but also circled around pots and pans all day long.
also gave birth to four children in a row in five years, just to be able to give birth to a boy.
Even if he was unwilling, Su Qing still chose to be tolerant and obedient, and demanded himself with "gentleness and frugality".
But this practice not only did not win the approval of her husband's family, but was also bullied by them.
Her in-laws used her as a maid, and let her do all the housework.
Her husband didn't take her seriously, and humiliated her at every turn, sometimes even slapping people.
But even so, Su Qing chose to endure silently.
Until one day, Su Qing accidentally discovered that her husband had already had an extramarital affair, and her in-laws acquiesced.
Su Qing was furious in his heart.
Only then did she realize that her mildness was nothing but weakness in their eyes.
When she came to her senses, she decided not to put up with it anymore.
When her husband's family wants to beat and scold her again, she will resolutely fight back.
Later, she also had an open and honest conversation with her husband, and then decided to divorce decisively, no matter how much the other party kept it, she would not look back.
After the divorce, she felt that the haze of life had been swept away, and the whole person had become more comfortable and energetic.
So Su Qing began to resume writing, and soon became a well-known writer at that time.
Since then, everyone's attitude towards her has changed, and no one dares to provoke her easily.
4
is also facing the misfortunes of life, but the three characters have different endings.
From their stories, you will find that a person's attitude towards emotions often determines the happiness of life.
Obviously feeling his negative emotions and blindly forbearing, it will only cause both physical and mental collapse.
Only by releasing our aggression like Su Qing can we reap the freedom of body and mind.
Sigmund Freud once said:
"Unexpressed emotions never go away, they are just buried alive and will one day explode in an uglier way. ”
Therefore, the so-called emotional stability does not exist at all.
Those negative energies are just suppressed in the bottom of my heart, like an active volcano that has been silent for a long time.
Once the emotional breakdown will cost you more.
Mature people are allowed to be emotionally free.
Find an outlet for bad emotions and it will slip away from you quietly.
In order to reduce the pressure on employees, Panasonic Corporation of Japan has specially set up a "gas outlet chamber".
Employees can come to this hidden room and yell at the props and even punch and kick them if they are upset.
After a while, something magical happened.
The mood of the employees has improved significantly, and the company's performance has also improved significantly.
It can be seen that negative emotions are not a flood beast.
As long as you express it in the right way, you can eliminate the unhappiness in your heart and help enrich your life.
Writer Zhang Defen once said: "Behind negative emotions, there must be hidden miracles and gifts of life." ”
When you're in a bad mood, you don't have to blindly suppress and cover it up.
Only by facing it and accepting it can you gain true peace and overcome the difficulties of the moment with full courage.
5
Regarding how to achieve emotional freedom, Robert Allen, an American emotional management expert, once proposed the "Anger Control Trilogy", and now shares it with you:
1. When emotions arise, find your own "landmines".
Emotional landmines refer to the pain hidden in our hearts, and as soon as others touch it, you will feel hurt and wronged.
And these traumas are not easy to detect.
You can try to write it out and reflect on your inner problems.
Then constantly adjust your cognition and behavior to mend the cracks in your heart.
In this way, you will not be easily hurt by the words and actions of others.
Only by removing the emotional landmines in advance can we break out of the vicious cycle of sadness and helplessness and reach a real reconciliation with ourselves.
2. Identify "needs" when emotions are emitted.
Robert pointed out that behind every emotional out-of-control, there is actually an unmet need.
Grief is telling you that you need to be seen, understood, and accepted;
Anger is telling you that your boundaries and interests may have been violated;
Fear is a reminder of potential threats;
Depression is a reminder that you are extremely tired and need to stop and rest.
So when you have an emotional breakdown, there's no need to panic.
Instead, stop and ask yourself, "What do I want, and what do I feel dissatisfied with because of that?"
Knowing what you're missing is so you can prescribe the right medicine and find a way to solve the problem.
3. Once the needs are identified, meet them.
Now that you've found the root cause of your emotional out-of-control, the next step is to focus on how to meet your needs.
For example, when you are misunderstood, you can find someone you can trust to talk to and talk about your feelings.
When you are too stressed, you can vent by listening to music and doing exercise.
When you are too tired, allow yourself to take two days off and take a complete break.
Let the emotions flow like water and slowly drain out of you.
When grief is expressed, pain is soothed, and the heart is naturally unobstructed.
▽
The French psychologist Michel Larevy once pointed out in "The 82 Faces of Emotions":
Human emotions are complex and diverse, but none of them can be called absolutely "good" or "bad".
Blindly pursuing peace, you will run counter to happiness.
Because the so-called emotional stability is actually a kind of bullying of the self.
From today onwards, instead of being an emotionally stable adult, be an emotionally free adult.
Give it a thumbs up, allow the mood to fluctuate, allow the bitterness and happiness to flow naturally, and live a more free and comfortable life with a more comfortable and self-consistent attitude.