Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Perhaps because of my long-term work as a counselor, I often unconsciously notice the behavior and characteristics of others in social situations.
Psychologist Carl Jung once divided personality into introverted type and export-oriented type, which corresponds to those who are good at expressing opinions in groups, and those who seem to be taciturn and slightly boring.
Both personality types have their own characteristics, and it is difficult to assert which one is superior or inferior.
However, based on the experience I have accumulated in my work and life, if you are mediocre in terms of interpersonal communication and emotional intelligence, I recommend that you try to avoid approaching people who don't talk much.
In general, there are two possible reasons why a person talks little:
One is that they are young, inexperienced, and unsophisticated, so they may feel nervous and confused due to the lack of topics to express themselves in situations where they need to express themselves, and they may behave more woodenly.
Another possibility is that they are thoughtful, know the importance of talking less, and are good at listening to observe the external performance of others to gain insight into the real thoughts of the other person, so as to make targeted judgments and decisions.
They don't seem to like to talk, but when they need to express a key point, they can say something, and it is difficult to get along with such people without sufficient social skills.
According to statistics, about 70% of the world's successful people belong to introverts with few words, such as the famous physicist Albert Einstein (Albert Einstein) and the investment guru Warren Buffett (Warren Edward Buffett).
Take, for example, Apple founder Steven Jobs, whose main interests include reading, watching movies, and meditating.
Although it is mentioned in Jobs's biography that he was privately a man of few words, did not have many friends, did not have a regular partner, and did not have much contact with his family.
But if you've watched Apple's heyday product launches, you'll notice that Jobs' expression was extremely fluid, connecting the previous and the next, and the logic was tight.
This suggests that those who are not good at words are not lacking in social skills, they are just reluctant to engage in superficial, meaningless communication.
A lot of extroverts, talkative people, who pride themselves on being able to speak well, seem to be able to connect with anyone quickly, which is commonly known as "self-acquaintance".
But we often find that these talkers are often not as stable and powerful as those who are silent.
According to the "Arousal Theory" proposed by the famous British personality psychologist Hans Jürgen Eysenck, people who speak less are more accurate in information recognition and screening than people who talk a lot.
They are more inclined to devote their time to maintaining deep relationships, deep emotional exchanges with important people, and substantive exchanges of ideas with knowledgeable people.
This means that those you don't feel like talking to you may simply feel the need to communicate with you and therefore choose to remain silent.
While this may sound a bit scathing, it's actually a lot of people who don't talk much, and they wear different masks depending on the occasion.
Cross talk actor Guo Degang once mentioned in an interview,
"I'm completely different offstage from on stage, I'm actually a more introverted person offstage, I don't like to talk to people, I don't like to sing and drink with people, and I don't even like to eat at the same table with strangers. ”
It is precisely because people who don't talk much spend more time exploring their hearts that they are more inclined to follow their inner guidance when making decisions and consider problems from the perspective of maximizing their own interests.
Therefore, they do not talk much in social situations, not because they are reluctant to communicate, but because they are waiting for the right moment, trying to understand the other person's intentions and plans, and at the same time making it difficult for the other person to predict themselves, precisely because they say few words and can hit the nail on the head with every word.
According to a 2018 psychology study by Yale University, introversion in personality traits is directly proportional to emotional intelligence and accuracy in inferring psychosocial phenomena.
Put simply, the less a person speaks, the higher his emotional intelligence – often referred to as "emotional intelligence" – and the more accurate his understanding of the psychological phenomena of others becomes.
Liu Dade (pseudonym) has always been a man of few words and an introvert.
He lives in the city and is used to walking alone through the crowd and silently observing everything around him. He doesn't like to communicate with people too much, but he is very interested in his inner world.
Most people think that Liu Dade is not very gregarious and even a little eccentric. However, Liu Dade does not mind the opinions of others, and he enjoys his peaceful life.
One day, Liu Dade happened to read a travel magazine depicting the beauty of distant places and was deeply attracted to it. So, he decided to embark on a journey that was just for himself.
Liu Dade left the busy city and came to a beautiful town. He rented a cottage there, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, in the company of nature.
Every morning, he carries a sketchpad and a paintbrush and walks along the trails, capturing the early morning glow, the beauty of mountains and lakes, and eternally recording these natural scenery on canvas.
He began to talk to nature, quietly listening to the rustle of leaves, feeling the coolness of the breeze, learning to observe the shape and change of clouds, experiencing the flow of time and the transience of life.
His soul was filled and fulfilled immensely. As time went on, more and more people began to notice Liu Dade's talent and his difference.
They were attracted by his unique perspective and work, and invited him to participate in various activities, share his artworks, and hope to have an in-depth exchange with him.
Liu Dade gradually opened his heart. Although he still maintains an introverted personality, he begins to recognize the importance and value of communication.
People also gradually understood and appreciated Liu Dade's uniqueness, and no longer regarded him as an outlier, but revered him. They are inspired by Liu Dade's words and works, and feel the power and beauty of tranquility.
People who talk little often give the impression of being reliable, stable and strong in emotional management, and some people compare them to onions, which is quite apt, their inner depths will not be easily revealed to outsiders, and only by peeling back layer by layer can they gradually glimpse their deep essence.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: personality analysis, psychology
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