A mother tearfully confided: for her daughter after several moves and schools
In the psychiatric department of the hospital, I met Ms. Zhang, whom I hadn't seen for a long time, and saw that her hair was messy and her face was haggard. As soon as she saw me, she grabbed my hand and said, "I'm going crazy, I feel like I can't hold it anymore, I have to get the doctor to save me!"
I looked at her and said, "You can think of a doctor, you'll be fine." ”
Then she grabbed me and babbled a lot.
Her so-called madness is all because of her daughter.
Her daughter is in her second year of high school, and soon after the start of this year, she came home from boarding school on her own and announced to her, "I don't want to study anymore." ”
When she heard this, her jaw dropped in fright.
In order for her daughter to enter this boarding school, she tried her best and spent a lot of effort.
At that time, her daughter's high school entrance examination results were still five points away from the admission notice line of this boarding school, and because of these five points, she looked for people everywhere, and finally adopted the method of "curve transfer", and only got her daughter in two weeks after the start of school.
After her daughter entered, although her academic performance could not enter the upper reaches, it was not the bottom of the class, after all, her daughter's academic performance was good all the way, and the five-point gap was not a big problem.
Her daughter's teacher also said to her: "Your daughter still has potential to study. She feels fortunate and proud of her choice and hard work.
But after more than a year of studying, my daughter gave up studying. She did a lot of work for her daughter, but she was unmoved and refused to explain why. She looked for a lot of teachers, but she couldn't ask why. The teachers all said that my daughter was doing well in school and did not find anything abnormal.
There was no way, the teacher advised her to slow down and let her daughter calm down before continuing to do her work.
But after more than a month, my daughter is still messy at home, chasing dramas at night and sleeping during the day.
She scolded, begged, and even broke off relations with her daughter and told her daughter to get out of the house. But the daughter seemed to be numb, ignoring her words and her emotions, and continued to go her own way.
She collapsed, couldn't concentrate at work, made mistakes, was criticized, and was punished.
She told her daughter all this, but her daughter still didn't react and was still rotten.
She had insomnia, and after many nights on end, she felt like she couldn't stand it anymore. She wanted to drop things, wanted to hit someone, and also had self-harm behaviors such as hitting her head.
She couldn't help it, so she came to the psychiatric department of the hospital.
For the sake of her daughter, she can be regarded as trying her best and exhausting everything.
In order to have a good learning atmosphere for her daughter, she moved twice and transferred to her school three times.
As a result, now the daughter is lying flat and rotten
The first time I moved, I was when my daughter was in the second grade of elementary school. She found that most of the students at her daughter's school were from the demolition households. The basic quality of the families of these relocated households is low, and parents do not pay much attention to their children's learning. The learning atmosphere in the school is not strong. Although her daughter performed well in school and was deeply loved by teachers and classmates, she still decided to move in order to have a good learning environment for her daughter.
She rented a house near a key school, and then found someone to go to the school many times to plead and show her daughter's excellent academic performance, and finally placed her daughter in this key school.
But to her surprise, after her daughter arrived at the new school, she seemed to be "unadaptable", and after studying for more than two months, she couldn't make a friend. What worries her even more is that her originally lively daughter has become taciturn, sullen, and her academic performance has regressed.
She went to the teacher, and the teacher said to her, "Your daughter is introverted and has a biased learning ability. ”
"No, that's not the case with my daughter. She tried to explain it to the teacher, but it was unconvincing.
She felt that her daughter was not recognized by the teachers in this school and could not integrate into the atmosphere of this school. Although she persuaded and guided her daughter to cheer her up, after a school year, her daughter's situation did not change, and her academic performance fell into the lower reaches of the class.
She felt that maybe she had done something wrong, and when she was in the fourth grade, she transferred her to another school.
This time she transferred to another school, and she was still looking for someone. The principal of the school her daughter went to was her classmate and friend. As soon as my daughter entered, she was taken care of.
The principal found the best homeroom teacher for her daughter, and told the homeroom teacher to train her daughter well.
Her daughter's self-confidence has improved immediately because of the attention she received from her teachers, and her academic performance has also begun to improve. She was very pleased.
After graduating from primary school, my daughter was successfully admitted to a key junior high school in the city.
started a new study life, and my daughter was uncomfortable again.
My daughter has always been valued by her teachers at her old school, and at her new school, she has become an unobtrusive student. After all, her academic performance is not very outstanding, and she has no special skills in entertainment and sports, the most important thing is that she has developed a coquettish and pampered problem in the first two years, she is not good at and unwilling to express herself and self-expression, and her heart is very sensitive.
When she no longer received the teacher's attention, her daughter went to the other extreme, sometimes destroying classroom discipline in class, sometimes deliberately not handing in homework, and became a "bad student" in the eyes of the teacher.
She couldn't accept such a daughter, so she took the method of moving and transferring schools to let her daughter leave that environment.
There are three major drawbacks to constantly changing a child's learning environment
This time, she did her work as usual, in the new school to which her daughter transferred, she first laid out for her daughter, and when her daughter first entered the school, she took her daughter to take the initiative to visit all the teachers, let her daughter make a statement, and tried to help her daughter leave a good impression on the teachers.
After transferring to another school, my daughter did not have the bad behaviors she had before, but her daughter has returned to the taciturn appearance she had in the early days, living alone, and fortunately, her academic performance is gradually rising.
Although she felt a little regretful, she also accepted her daughter's state, after all, students focus on learning, and her daughter can study seriously, which is already worth celebrating.
It wasn't until my daughter entered boarding school in high school that the situation changed abruptly. Not only is her daughter not serious about studying, but she also gives up studying and goes home to lie down, and this time, no matter what method she uses, she can't wake up her daughter and change her daughter.
In fact, a big reason for her daughter's back-and-forth and changeable way to study comes from the fact that she is also "changeable" to her daughter, moving twice and twice, and letting her daughter transfer schools.
In the midst of constant changes, my daughter's adaptation to the environment and self-perception are also incoherent and broken. It can be said that her daughter has been passive and confused along the way, and she has suffered undeserved "attention" and blows. The daughter's self-esteem and self-confidence have been frustrated and even distorted again and again. After another new environment and another setback, her daughter powerlessly chose to escape, lie flat, and rot.
There are three major drawbacks to constantly changing your child's learning environment.
First, children must spend time and energy adapting to new environments and relationships.
Second, different education methods will make children's psychology change, such as different degrees of inferiority or conceit.
Third, once the child cannot adapt, he may feel incompetent and helpless, and he is prone to psychological illness, or he may have extreme words and deeds, and be completely rebellious.
Her daughter's case is a reminder to all parents: for children, they cannot ignore their children's psychological feelings and endurance, and change their children's learning and life trajectory at will, otherwise the results may be counterproductive.
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