After a short marriage without children, they "mixed" to the bottom of the chain of contempt for marriage and love

Reporter | Brief ink

编辑 | Felicia

Title Picture | "Marriage Story"

"Can you introduce the partner?" This was the first thing he said when I communicated with Li Hang for the first time - in 2020, after ending just two years of married life with his ex-wife, Li Hang became what others called a "divorced man". After more than 3 years, Li Hang began to keep in touch with new blind dates under the introduction of family and friends.

Li Hang hopes to find a single and childless partner who the two have something to talk to, and he keeps posting on his social media account, indicating that he "has achieved a car and a house with the support of his parents, but he is always alone".

(Photo/Picture Worm Creative)

The parents felt that Li Hang's request was a bit illusory and difficult to understand, and they would ask Li Hang from time to time, "What is something to say?" and told him that "when the two get married, they will naturally have something to say." In Li Hang's observation, parents don't seem to care about the age of their blind date, how they work, and they don't even care about whether the woman has a marriage history or children. As before, they anxiously urged themselves: "You have already been divorced once, don't be picky, find someone to live a good life is the most important thing." ”

Those who had to get married

Li Hang was born in a small and gentle village in the south, where the old people ploughed the fields for a living, and most of the young people went out to work, and there were few marriageable young women in the village, but there were many older unmarried men. Almost from the moment he became an adult, Li Hang heard the voices of people around him urging marriage from time to time. They advised college students to "seize the opportunity if they meet a good girl at school", and advised young people who have already entered social work to "talk more when they meet a suitable one, and don't always think about talking about it yourself, how can it be so easy".

"It's not easy to fall in love" is the current situation faced by many young men. According to the 2020 census, there are 34.9 million more men than women in mainland China, of which 17.52 million more marriageable men between the ages of 20 and 40 are women.

In Li Hang's hometown, those young people who have passed the age of 24 and are not married will be labeled as "leftover men" by the people around them, and their parents will also become the objects of ridicule in the neighborhood. Li Hang heard his relatives sigh more than once: "You are not young, you must get married as soon as you have a suitable partner, otherwise the older you are, the more difficult it will be to start a family." And his parents are more direct, "You see that other children of the same age as you can run off the ground, and you are still a single person." ”

(Photo/"Let's Get Divorced")

Li Hang has an introverted personality, he is a small transparent person in the blind date market, and there are not many people around him who are optimistic that he can get married. So when he "stood out" from a crowd of young people and won the favor of girls, Li Hang became a "role model" for boys of the same age for a while. When some elders saw Li Hang, they would even joke with him to "teach our children how to please girls."

After dating his girlfriend for more than half a year, Li Hang and his parents came to propose marriage. At this time, they learned that the bride price demanded by the woman's family reached 100,000 yuan, which was far higher than their personal expectations and higher than that of married people in the surrounding area. He asked his girlfriend if he could lower his requirements, but his girlfriend accused him of slamming the door, and the other party said that "there are so many girls and children around him for the bride price." He proposed to work for a period of time to accumulate the bride price, but was urged by his parents to complete the process of engagement and marriage. The parents told Li Hang that it is not easy to find a marriageable young woman nowadays, and if the man asks for a postponement of the wedding, it may cause the woman's unhappiness and even the marriage collapse.

"Of course, the more important thing is that we were already done with the wedding photos. In Li Hang's hometown, taking wedding photos means getting married to a certain extent, and the temporary cancellation of the wedding is undoubtedly a "shame" for the whole family.

(Photo/"Please Marry My Husband")

In just a few days, the parents made up enough for the bride price, and the wedding photos taken and the booked banquet became the reason why the wedding had to be held.

It is this kind of secular standard that urges two young people with little experience to rush into marriage. Zhou Xueying, who has been married for half a year and is divorced, said.

Zhou Xueying and her ex-husband met after work, and the two fell in love for less than a year before they got a certificate and entered into marriage, and Zhou Xueying soon became pregnant. In the first three months of pregnancy, her ex-husband took good care of Zhou Xueying, but after three months of pregnancy, they entered a period of conflict - where to eat, what clothes to wear outside, what movies to watch at home, these "little things" can become the fuse of their quarrels.

(Photo/"One Reason We Can't Meet")

At this moment, her ex-husband began to strongly ask Zhou Xueying to kill the fetus in her womb. He claimed that he owed more than 200,000 yuan in gambling debts outside and could not afford the burden of raising children. Zhou Xueying said that "after giving birth to a child, we can go out to work together to pay off the debt", but in exchange for the rejection of her ex-husband. The ex-husband found her parents and made a big fuss, bluntly saying that she "can't live with your daughter anymore".

Zhou Xueying and her parents were unaware of her ex-husband's insistence on killing the child, and she didn't notice it until she accidentally found a photo of her ex-husband with other women in her car. It was a photo that didn't look ambiguous, but it reminded Zhou Xueying of two things that her ex-husband was suspected of cheating on before marriage. One is that during the relationship, the other party frequently contacted his ex-girlfriend and called each other "baby", and the ex-husband also chatted frequently with a high school friend of the opposite sex.

(Photo/"Home on the Ramp")

"At that time, these two events may have predicted that our marriage would collapse due to the other party's cheating, but because he (ex-husband) was the first boyfriend I brought home, I was afraid of being criticized for 'not loving myself' and 'coming to the house', so I ignored these signs and still chose to get married," Zhou Xueying said.

Fortunately, there are no children

At the insistence of her ex-husband, Zhou Xueying underwent an abortion in the hospital. The parties agreed that after the operation, her ex-husband would give her 60,000 yuan in compensation.

Lying on the operating table, she clearly felt the process of the fetus being separated from the mother's body, which made her heart suddenly empty. The various entanglements with her ex-husband suddenly became worthless in the face of the lost life.

Compared with her heart, her ex-husband behaved exceptionally calmly. He and Zhou Xueying calculated the daily care cost and meal expenses, which were deducted from the negotiated 60,000 yuan. Zhou Xueying recalled that in just a few days, her ex-husband deducted 60,000 yuan in compensation to more than 20,000 yuan.

After Zhou Xueying was discharged from the hospital, she successfully went through the divorce procedures with her ex-husband, and the other party has not been entangled. It wasn't until two months later that her ex-husband suddenly went crazy and begged people everywhere to persuade Zhou Xueying, hoping that she could change her mind and get back together with herself. At his parents' house, his ex-husband did not hesitate to kneel, and even forced him to die to show his determination.

While her ex-husband was constantly entangled, Zhou Xueying received a friend application from a strange woman. Through the other party's messy narrative, Zhou Xueying gradually clarified the reason why her ex-husband insisted on beating the child and frequently begged for peace recently. It turned out that the ex-husband had a cheating partner before marriage, and he sued for peace because the cheating partner found out that he was hiding the fact that he was married.

(Photo/"Home on the Ramp")

"How obvious, at that time, I beat the child to get rid of me and pursue the other party, and now I turn back because the other party dumped him. Zhou Xueying had no intention of getting involved in the emotional dispute between the two. She said: "If that girl can't let go, please lock him (ex-husband) and don't bother me." ”

Sometimes, Zhou Xueying also thinks: "What will I do if the child is born?" Her answer is: "In order for the child to live in a healthy family, it is likely to continue to live with her ex-husband, try to create an atmosphere of family harmony, and even ignore the fact that he cheated." ”

Zhao Wenke, who was divorced after a short marriage, is often glad that she did not get pregnant and give birth quickly, otherwise she may choose to endure marriage after realizing that her ex-husband is cheating.

In Zhao Wenke's big family, there are not a few people who refuse to divorce for the sake of their children. At the end of the 20th century, people in the big family were laid off one after another, and these laid-off people took advantage of the economic boom to do all kinds of business, and the conditions of the family gradually improved, and more and more uncles and uncles cheated in marriage. Zhao Wenke said that four of her father's six elders cheated in marriage, but only her mother wanted to divorce her father.

Her relatives rarely accused her father of marital infidelity, but they did criticize her mother, who insisted on divorce. They told Zhao Wenke that it was his mother's strength that "caused" his father's cheating and even divorce. And her mother's practice of abandoning her and insisting on divorce is enough to prove that "your mother is a ruthless person".

(Photo/"82 Years of Kim Ji-young")

After informing her parents of the news that she was going to divorce, her parents began to actively persuade Zhao Wenke, hoping that she could endure it and take a step back for the sake of marriage and family. My father even said to Zhao Wenke during a drive: "Men, they will be like this." Your husband is still young, but he will return to the family when he is older. And her mother also told her: "A divorced woman will have a hard time even if she has no children." ”

Zhao Wenke said frankly that her background from a divorced family did not make her discriminated against in the marriage market, and she did not want her children to grow up in a family that looked like a god. Eventually, she and her husband divorced after a few years of marriage.

Although Zhao Wenke has always believed that marriage cannot be the only reference for judging character, it is not uncommon on the Internet to prejudice against people who have no children in short-term marriages. Some people suspect that the short-term marriage is to defraud the bride price, while others denounce the short-term marriage as a marriage fraudster, and Zhao Wenke hears the most that others talk about her or her ex-husband's fertility problems, so they divorce.

(Photo/"82 Years of Kim Ji-young")

She was speechless at this speculation, and it was not uncommon for her to have short-term marriages. A woman who was good friends with her was "divorced" after half a year of short marriage. After marriage, the man became a demolition household and wanted to find another spouse. In Zhao Wenke's view, "people divorce for a variety of reasons, but whether it is a short marriage or a divorce after a long marriage, people's ultimate goal must be to find happiness."

After a short marriage

Because she is an only daughter, Zhou Xueying returned to her parents after the divorce. But on the Internet, there are many women who leave messages saying that they were rejected by their parents after the divorce, on the grounds that "divorced women will affect family harmony after returning home", and most of them have a married brother or brother in their family.

The sadness on the faces of Zhou Xueying's parents became more and more obvious, and her mother would mention from time to time that "you are so pitiful for divorce" and "you have become a heart disease for me and your father", which made Zhou Xueying feel more stressed, and couldn't help but feel sad and resistant. She hopes to have enough financial foundation to comfort her parents, but she often feels sorry for her meager income.

Zhou Xueying is not opposed to contacting a new blind date, nor does she care too much about the other party's family background and age, the only thing she is afraid of is that the other party insists on entering marriage quickly. Over the past year, she has been in contact with new blind dates on and off. They are not far from Zhou Xueying's home, and the parents of both sides know each other. There is an older person of the opposite sex who has a good family and is especially loved by his parents.

The more people he came into contact with, the more confused Zhou Xueying's heart became. She sometimes asks herself, "What kind of partner do you really need, and are you really ready to get married again?" and the answer is often vague. She was afraid that she would repeat the mistakes of the past, and she was also afraid that she would not be able to recognize people and find herself in trouble again.

Not long ago, Zhou Xueying came into contact with a man who was also a short-term married person without children. Under the strong pursuit of the other party, they quickly confirmed their relationship and spent a time of honey and oil. But soon after, she fell into suspicion again. The other party replied to the message late, failed to catch her topic in time, or the conflict between the two made her uncertain about this relationship. Two months later, Zhou Xueying sent a message to break up, but the other party simply confirmed it and no longer forced it. They returned to the crowd without seeing each other.

(Photo/"Home on the Ramp")

In the short term, Zhou Xueying no longer considers re-entering marriage. She hopes to live with her loved one for a long time, "Cohabitation does not involve the division of interests, everyone still has their own savings after the breakup, and there is no legal record of marriage." ”

On social platforms, people often send private messages to Zhou Xueying through her account, asking her: "Do you have any interest in anyone?"

Every now and then, Zhou Xueying would reply to the other party with a little mischief: "Okay, I'm a short-term married person without children." If you don't mind, we'll try, and if you do, you don't have to keep learning. ”

Zhao Wenke is now in a passionate relationship with a man who has never been married, and the two began to discuss marriage. Her boyfriend hopes that she can hide her past marriage history so that her parents don't look at their relationship with colored glasses, and she can also avoid the gossip of the villagers. Zhao Wenke's parents hope that she can tell her calmly so that she will not tell the truth in the future.

Zhao Wenke, who was standing at the intersection of a dilemma, couldn't predict which would be more beneficial, concealment or confession, and she "hadn't thought about it yet".

Proofreading: Meet

Operations: Hee-hee

Typography: Size