-01
I heard a story called "Heaven and Hell".
When a man dreams of God, he asks God, "What is hell like?"
God took him to hell and saw a lot of people around a table with a lot of food on the table.
Each of them had a long spoon in his hand and tried to put the food in his mouth, but he could not eat it anyway;
The scene was funny, and everyone looked embarrassed.
God took the man to heaven again, the same setting, the same table, the same food.
They also hold a long spoon in their hands, but each person feeds the food in the spoon to the person on the other side.
The spoon is the same, all the furnishings and the food are the same, why is there such a big difference?
People in heaven understand the meaning of "win-win";
Feed each other to eat, and the other person will feed you, and both of you can have a full stomach.
People in hell only think about themselves, and they don't want to pay for each other even if the result is bad.
Isn't that what love and marriage are all about?
Selfish people can satisfy their desires and needs in the short term;
In the long run, you will have a greater loss to yourself.
Those who know how to give will suffer losses in the short term, but in the long run, they will continue to reap the rewards.
-02
What is the nature of feelings?
It is the principle of reciprocity.
If you are good to me, I will be good to you;
I see what you pay for me, so I am willing to pay for you;
You provide me with emotional value, I gain plenty of security in you, you fill the lack in my heart, so when I have enough energy, I can give you more emotional value in return.
It's a pity that many people don't understand this truth.
Their idea was:
I'm going to ask for it first, and I'll see how much you can give me, and then I'll think about how much I can give you.
This kind of relationship is not pure from the beginning, there is not much love, more calculation.
What is true love?
When you meet true love, you will definitely become a "love brain", and you can't control yourself in the upper stage;
The possessiveness that you can't do is unreserved, the twisting and anxiety of gains and losses, and the impulse to pour all your love into each other.
People who calculate first and weigh the pros and cons must not love enough.
Let's put it another way:
You buy a pot of flowers at home, and you observe every day whether the pot is bright, whether there are more flowers, and whether it is fragrant;
But you don't water or fertilize the flowers, and you don't let them bask in the sun.
Do you think the fate of this pot of flowers will be good?
The top concept of marriage and love must be:
"I pay first, first get the initiative of feelings, pay is my business, I make a move, it depends on how you deal with it."
-03
Saying this, some people may not understand.
Whether it's love or socialization, to put it bluntly, we all deal with people.
When interacting with people, you have to follow human nature, and those "anti-human" behaviors will not end up very well.
For example:
Everyone wants to be praised, recognized, and appreciated;
But you belittle, accuse, sarcastic, and speak viciously.
It won't be long before there is no one around you to play with, and you will become an "isolated" person.
Do you understand?
How do people with a really big pattern manage relationships?
I love you, I'm willing to take the initiative to give for you, and I didn't think much about giving back in the process because I had a clear conscience.
I'm done with the move, I've got the initiative, and because I love you, I'm willing to please you.
That's all it takes.
Set a deadline, such as one month, three months.
If you please the other party, but you can't get the other party's feedback, then end it decisively;
I can't see the progress bar, what else do I have to do?
You don't want to be with people who don't cherish you, but with people who are willing to cherish you and fall in love and marry you.
What is the essence?
No matter who you are with or who you please, your relationship is based on the principle of reciprocity.
People who pay 70 points and love 80 points, pursue 90 points of happiness, and do not seek a full score in life.
This is the true meaning of feelings.
Topic:
Is there a balance of giving in your relationship?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, original family, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.