Young women in the county system generally want to choose young men who are better than themselves as their mates, but the number and quality of young men in the county system cannot meet this demand for mate selection.
01
"I'm not ready to get married,
Don't go back to the small county."
He Xuan, a civil servant in Henan, still remembers that on the first day she was admitted to the system in 2022, everyone would ask when they saw her, do you have a boyfriend?
He Xuan is 27 years old, and in the context of the county, he has entered the threshold of "old age". She started a blind date, but several blind date experiences eventually became a joke when she teased her friends.
A guy is about to feed her at the table where they first met, and another blind date is blowing into her ears in the movie theater. As soon as someone sat down, he said openly: "I am a person with many shortcomings and many faults. "I know you girls love surprises, but I just don't want to give them. ”
The men who meet her are usually also in the system, because they are idle at work, don't like to exercise, like to ask people to eat and drink, a body type is fat, and here He Xuan, who likes fitness and dancing, is stuck in the first level of appearance.
He Xuan has made a rough statistics, in a county, there are no more than ten people of single age and similar family backgrounds. The blind date was full of those people, and there was no spark in the early collision. Sometimes the person who has been on a blind date by a friend is introduced to him again after going around and around.
The parents didn't urge the marriage, but the friends of the same age around them were in a hurry to catch the last train of marriage. A female friend got married in a flash with a blind date who had known her for more than five months, and gave birth to a child half a year after marriage. A few other friends were asking her to help introduce them a while ago, and a few months later, they suddenly posted their marriage certificates in the circle of friends.
This made He Xuan feel anxious, and there was not even a person around him who could get married in a flash. She was caught in a dilemma, afraid that she would get married, and that she would not be able to get married.
Meng Jia, a grassroots civil servant in Guizhou, does not rule out marriage. What she rejects is the marriage and love rules of small places, getting married at twenty-five or six, and having children as soon as she gets married. She envisioned that the age of marriage would be around 30 years old, and it would take a few years to confirm whether she could spend the rest of her life hand in hand with each other and whether she could be a qualified parent.
But the paradox is that "if I go at my own pace, then I can't find anyone I want to marry at the age when I want to get married." ”
After graduating from university, under the influence of the epidemic, Meng Jia originally planned to go to Zhejiang to apply for several companies, but they all reduced their recruitment quotas and their salaries were reduced. Unable to find a better job, she ended up in a civil service position near her hometown.
Even in a society of acquaintances, people will inevitably feel lonely. For Meng Jia, such feelings often appear in the night after work. The people in the town rest early, and after nine o'clock, the roads everywhere are dark, and there is nowhere to go even to go out for a night run, and there are only two or three barbecue supper restaurants left to walk around. She wasn't interested, but drinking and chatting was the only entertainment.
Meng Jia rents a house alone, her home is 50 kilometers away in the countryside, and she usually only goes back on weekends when she doesn't work overtime. Meng Jia's social circle, only a few colleagues in the unit, see you at work, and see you at the party after work. "It's all some in this circle, who is promoted again, who is married again. "She's tired of being 25 years old, is she going to be stuck here?
When work is almost static and life tends to be stable, women are easily pushed into the fixed process of marriage and childbirth by the surrounding environment.
"Girls are under the most pressure to get married, and when there are a lot of matchmakers, they are about 26~28 years old. Ouyang Jing said. Ouyang Jing is a professor at Jiangxi University of Finance and Economics, and one of the first scholars to pay attention to the problem of women's marriage and love in the county system.
"For example, there used to be dozens of people who came to urge you every day, but when you are 29 or 30 years old, there may only be a few people. Over the age of 30, there are almost no people who come to say goodbye to you. Because you have fewer and fewer opportunities, fewer and fewer resources, and the confidence of the people around you is getting weaker and weaker. Ouyang Jing's interview subjects are all women in the county system. After the age of 30, there is a high probability that you can only find men who are outside the system or divorced. That's the reality of what they're facing.
In 2019, Ouyang Jing completed a paper titled ""Leftover Women in the County System: Based on a Survey of Central D County", in which she wrote:
The 'leftover women' at the county level have obvious 'system' characteristics, mainly appearing in the county and township party and government organs and public institutions, among which female teachers are the main body of leftover women, and the county and township female civil servants show a trend of more and more leftovers.
Ouyang Jing has a 36-year-old student who is also the subject of her marriage research. The student told her that at this age, the people around her who urged her to get married stopped, including leaders and colleagues, and they would not easily talk about marriage in front of her, "Everyone knows that you are like this." ”
If you can't get married smoothly at the age when society is "conventional", what will be replaced by an all-round denial of personal value. Meng Jia often hears others talking about an unmarried eldest sister about 50 years old in the township unit next door, "Is there something wrong with this person?" is either mental, "is there something wrong with personality", or physiological, is there a physical defect and cannot have children.
The anxiety of the environment can be felt by all.
Xiaoyuan, who works in a position within the system in her hometown in Henan, has many single friends around her. They seem to be having a good time on the surface, but when they chat in private, they reveal that they are very anxious, and their parents whisper in their ears every day.
Someone said angrily, "Just find someone to marry casually." Xiaoyuan attended a relative's wedding, and saw that the bride was young and beautiful on the stage, and as for the groom, "it looks very bad." ”
She felt sorry for the girl: "We have been educated for many years, talented, brains and ideals, what does marriage bring to women?" She reminded women on social media who want to return to their hometowns for development and have the intention to get married: If you are not ready to get married, don't go back to the small county.
Xiaoyuan is the envy of many people around her. She is married and her husband is in the same system. Xiaoyuan comes from a well-conditioned dual-income family, and her husband's family is no worse than hers. The two have compatible personalities, and they are the right match. But Xiaoyuan also made concessions, such as accepting a partner who is not completely compatible in spirit, "If I use this standard, I guess I won't be able to find a partner in my life." ”
Xiaoyuan likes to read books, history, philosophy, psychology, and she discusses the content of books with her husband. The husband is a doctor, and he is more pragmatic, so I haven't read these books, and I can't answer them, so I can only respond politely with "um, oh". When two people quarrel, Xiaoyuan will also attack her husband: live a step-by-step life every day and never examine her own life.
The husband also didn't understand why Xiaoyuan always liked to ask about meaning so much. At the end of the month, isn't it over when someone pays a salary? The meaning of life is to get a salary, go out every week, dress warmly, eat well, and be happy, why do you always have to ask about those things?
"I'm paid more than you. You think about these things every day, and the salary is still so little. ”
Whether passive or active, many young women in the county system remain single.
In her paper, Ms. Ouyang cited a set of data she obtained in a county town in the Midwest. The data comes from the county's Civil Affairs Bureau, Organization Department, Personnel Bureau, Youth League Committee, Women's Federation, Education Bureau and Health Bureau:
"The total number of new hires in County D since 2008 is 2,993, of which 1,895 are women, and of those women, about 248 are currently unmarried women over the age of 30. ”
This means that at least 1 in 8 women is older and unmarried. Among them, many of them are the best women in the county, such as female civil servants and cadres.
02
"Only he chooses the right person to find a partner"
Is it because the standard for women in the county to choose a mate is too high? Ouyang Jing doesn't think so.
In her view, whether it is traditional or modern society, whether it is Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, or small counties in the central and western regions, women's willingness to choose a mate has never fundamentally changed.
If it is said that the singleness of women in first-tier cities is related to frequent career mobility, then why do women who return to the county and have a stable life also make the same choice?
In County D, which Ouyang Jing surveyed, women accounted for 63.3% of the recruitment numbers in the system during 2008~2018. Among them, the imbalance between men and women in the education system is the most severe, with 80.1 per cent of teachers being women.
Part of the reason for the gender imbalance in the system is that more young, talented girls will choose to return to the county. This is usually related to the expectations of the family, and the parents prefer to keep their daughter by their side and pursue a secure job. And the requirement for boys is to go to the big city to show that they are capable.
As one of Ouyang Jing's interviewers observed, "The best young men go to the big cities, and those who return to the small counties are very ordinary." ”
There are more female students in the system, also because their examination and interview skills tend to be stronger than that of male students. Ouyang Jing's investigation in the Personnel Bureau confirmed this. In a teacher recruitment examination in County D, more than 30 boys signed up, 7 entered the interview, and finally only 3 physical education teachers were admitted.
All other subjects are female. The chief examiner said that there was too much shortage of male teachers in the unit, and if there were male students entering the interview, they would generally consider admitting them, but the four interviewers eliminated this time were "too bad to ask for them, for fear of misleading people's children."
Most of the girls who are admitted to the system are self-disciplined and can endure hardships. Ouyang Jing has a female student, born in the countryside, who was admitted to a public institution in the county. In order to be promoted, she studied for an on-the-job master's degree in public administration, and Ouyang Jing saw her sitting in the first row every time she went to class. Later, she was successfully admitted to the county civil service from her original unit, and she also mentioned to Ouyang Jing that she wanted to study for her doctorate.
The impression left on her by the boys in the county town was diametrically opposed. Once, Ouyang Jing went to a county's public security bureau to do research, and a brigade of 160 people, including 140 male auxiliary policemen, all of whom were young people and temporary workers. Ouyang Jing was very surprised, why did so many young men receive a salary of 2,800 yuan a month.
She quickly figured out that these young people were generally the rich second generation doing business in the county, or dual-income families with a good life, and some even drove the famous car they bought at home to commute to work. Such boys naturally have the advantage of inheriting family resources, "Do they need to work hard?" Ouyang Jing said. Even if you have average ability, you can find women with better conditions.
In her paper, she concludes:
Young women in the county system generally want to choose young men who are better than themselves as their mates, but the number and quality of young men in the county system cannot meet this demand for mate selection.
Men with acceptable conditions have become the sweets of the marriage market. Every year in October, it is the time for the civil servants of D County. At this time, the seven aunts and eight aunts of unmarried women, and matchmakers from all walks of life have set out to find someone to match, eat, and walk, competing for the newly recruited young men of the right age. Generally, within half a year, "it was snatched away." ”
A deputy section-level cadre of the county procuratorate, with a height of 1.75 and good looks, bought a house in the county. As soon as he entered the procuratorate, someone began to introduce him to people. Later, he knew all the girls in the county with good conditions, and he knew the girl's appearance, rank, and parents' occupation of any person he reported. ”
Another elementary school English teacher, who is short in height, has average appearance and family conditions, and the girl who knows him described Ouyang Jing as "talking a little sissy".
But the male teacher fell into sweet troubles. A female colleague at school often helps him substitute for classes, cooks, delivers fruits, and makes appointments to play together. A female cadre in the township also called him from time to time to ask him to go for a walk. There is also a female nurse in the health center, who is beautiful, and she also has a good impression of him, "I really don't know which one to choose." ”
Many women ask their partners to "talk", have the same cognition, have the same three views, and do not have too many restrictions on appearance. The standard for men is much simpler, and a boy's exact words are, "Looks, looks, looks." ”
"Because it's enough for him to choose. Among the beautiful girls, if you can choose a good family condition, you may also find one or two people with good personalities and can talk about. Ouyang Jing said. One of her female students felt unfair about this, why were they so good, but they could only choose those who were worse than themselves? She would rather be single than look for "crooked melons and cracked dates".
The reality of the situation has turned the girls' perceptions upside down. In the past, Meng Jia, a civil servant in Guizhou, originally thought that in the marriage and love market, women were upward enough, and men were compatible backwards. After entering the system, I found that the reality was completely reversed. Men usually give preference to upward selection, and for future promotion, they generally choose relatives of leaders and cadres, such as daughters, nieces, and nieces. Girls can hardly find men with the same conditions as themselves, "(the same) people are looking up, and you can only be backward compatible." ”
In a system where there are more women than men, Meng Jia perceives a subtle magnetic field between women. Last year, she participated in the social activities organized by the unit. She put on makeup, changed into a slightly low-cut dress, and while playing games, she subconsciously covered her chest and used a tissue to pad the neckline to prevent it from going light. A few girls on the side suddenly taunted her: "I'm wearing everything, what else is in the way?" She didn't expect that such words would come from the mouth of a woman, and she was a little sad: "I have always thought that girls are very beautiful, but in a different environment, will it become like this?"
He Xuan also noticed the change in himself. At first, she didn't see marriage as a thing. But when the friends around her successively handed in the answers of her life on time, she began to worry about her future. "If the county has a single value, it will be easier to implant it in your concept. People are very strange, although they know that (marriage anxiety) is not good, there will still be a kind of convergence. He Xuan said.
She likes children, but if she doesn't get married, she can't legally have a child. It is impossible for parents to accompany themselves for a lifetime, "In the future, when I look at everyone's lights, none of them will be lit for me." ”
The leader introduced her to the object, and warned her by the way: "There is still a 93-year-old unit in the XX unit, if you don't look for it now, do you want to be like her in the future?" But now her mind has changed, "and what people say is true." ”
Those not-so-pleasant blind dates continue. Before, she had a mindset of indifference. Now, she wants to get the results quickly: "Whether it will work out or not, I will have a little time." "Even if you're in a hurry, be patient. She relaxed the standards, and the people who would be eliminated at a glance in the past will now make an appointment to meet again, as long as they are not too fat and not too short, they can still give each other some more chances.
03
Women who are not married
In the face of the huge anxiety brought about by marriage and love, some rebellious emotions are also brewing.
In the past, those who were willing to return to work in the county system were generally obedient girls who were willing to obey their parents and return to their families, climb mountains and see rape flowers on weekends, and yearn for a traditional and stable life.
In 2020, after the outbreak of the epidemic, due to employment problems, more and more highly educated female students returned to the county, including 985 colleges and universities, as well as some graduate students.
A few years ago, I was doing marriage and love research in the county, Ouyang Jing had never heard of who was an unmarried, everyone had a positive desire to get rid of the single, and the problems they considered were also very realistic, if they didn't get married and have children, so many acquaintances urged them every day, how could they go out to meet people?
Now, Ouyang Jing teaches MPA (Part-time Master of Public Administration) students, who are civil servants from all over the province. When it comes to being single, some students will ask her rhetorically, why should she rely on a man when she has a stable job and income in the system?
Ouyang Jing's colleague also complained to her that the child didn't know what was going on, went to college, and came back every day to talk about not getting married and having children. A colleague who had researched with her called her: "What do you teach in college, but you don't have that concept in high school." ”
The old order in the county seat is under attack. Around Meng Jia, almost all of those who are unwilling to get married are only daughters with good family conditions. Working in the county system, the family helps buy a car and a house. You don't have to worry about food and clothing, and you can invest your monthly salary in yourself. They have lived happily since childhood, and they don't understand why they should choose a partner with worse conditions than themselves, and their married life may not be as good as it is now.
Meng Jia's choice to be single also has practical considerations. She comes from a rural family, her parents depend on farming and working for a living, and there are younger brothers and sisters at home, so she can't help her. If you are looking for a partner who can only be "backward compatible", you have to bear the financial pressure of your partner, "not as good as a person." ”
In the past, one or two single women would have been seen as outliers. But in recent years, as far as Ouyang Jing knows, there are dozens of people of the 85 and 86 generation in the county who have not married so far. Women who are also single form a fixed social circle.
Several female teachers interviewed by Ouyang Jing usually like to raise cats and dogs. When a group of people have a holiday, they make an appointment to travel together, comfort each other, and support each other. At the Spring Festival party, a relative always likes to avoid relatives and avoid urging marriage. In her thirties, seeing that marriage was becoming less and less likely, she began to reappear in social situations. The "abandonment" of others set her free.
04
Affective Society
When doing research in the counties and townships of Hunan, Jiangxi, and Hubei, Ouyang Jing met many leading cadres who were worried. A cadre of the organization department said: "Over the years, the department has recruited all girls, and there are too many of them, and they can't find a boyfriend." ”
Another cadre of the county government counted down the more than 10 floors of the administrative building one by one, with the people's congress on the third floor, the CPPCC on the fourth floor, and the government office on the fifth floor, and there were several older unmarried women on each floor, adding up to about 20.
Ouyang Jing was doing an investigation in a county in central China, and the department leaders were very cooperative, and asked her: "Does the state want to solve this problem?"
In the system, it is common for leaders to enthusiastically introduce people. Before Xiaoyuan got married, her leader asked her about her mate selection criteria, and when she met someone of the right age, she often helped her come to WeChat: "Add it, I look very suitable for you two." Xiaoyuan is not in a hurry, but the leader is more concerned than her.
If you follow the thinking of a market economy, it is difficult to understand the meaning of this behavior. Isn't it better for women to devote their time to work if they choose to be single?
In Ouyang Jing's view, this is the most different place between the units in the county system and the market-oriented enterprises in big cities.
One of Ms. Ouyang's interviewees worked in Shenzhen and became a middle-level leader at the company. She is 42 years old, but she still doesn't dare to have children, for fear that after taking maternity leave, the position she finally got will be replaced by someone else. "No one cares if you get married or not, if you have children or not, it's better to be single, so you can better serve your boss. ”
A student working in Beijing told Ouyang Jing that the company cares about how much work you do and how many grades you have achieved, no matter how happy you are or not, no matter how many hours you need to commute every day.
"This is the naked logic of the market, where a person has no value other than labor. Ouyang Jing said. In her view, women in big cities seem to have more choices, but whether they have gained true freedom is debatable. "Because the whole environment is also forcing you, you can't choose (to get married and have children) like that. ”
The county seat is a different set of rules. A society of acquaintances is also an emotional society. Where you live, who your boyfriend is, what your parents' occupations are, what your relatives do, everyone's information is open and transparent in the workplace.
Ouyang Jing refers to it as a "home-like work field", where personal life, emotions and work are intertwined. Every year during the Chinese New Year, Ouyang Jing's brothers and sisters who work in the county town have to invite colleagues and leaders from the unit to have dinner at home. Get involved in each other's lives and families. The lives of individuals become blurred in this environment.
Ouyang Jing's family all live in a small town in Jiangxi. Last year, her father passed away. At the funeral in the hometown, the whole village came to the funeral. Friends in the county also came to pay their respects and condolences, including the interviewees she interviewed during her research.
Ouyang Jing didn't expect them to come, and after just one or two interviews, they established a friendship with each other. Looking at the wreaths all over the ancestral hall, she felt that although her father had passed away, there were still many people who remembered him. Ouyang Jing was suddenly a little moved, "How can these people be so affectionate and righteous." ”
She often said that she was over 40 years old before she returned to traditional Chinese culture and understood the behavior of Chinese. The reason why red and white ceremonies are always so grand is because it represents a kind of community ritual that carries emotions and bonds between people.
This also explains very well why the marriage and love problems in the county always bring more pressure to women, the county and the township are like a traditional Chinese family, talking about human feelings, there is warmth, but there is also concern that crosses the border.
In an emotional society, almost all leaders know how to "keep people with feelings". For example, some grassroots positions have low wages, Ouyang Jing is curious, how to mobilize people with that salary?
A cadre replied to her that if the money was not enough, other aspects would have to be made up. For example, when someone is sick at home, or a child wants to go to a better school, and is too busy, the leader can approve the holiday, and if you need to find a place to connect, the leader can help find acquaintances and say hello. Whoever is sick and hospitalized, the union leaders will also visit the hospital. None of this can be exchanged for money.
The needs of private life are allowed. He Xuan's parents are also civil servants, and she remembers that when she was a child, she often followed her father to the workplace. Adults can go to work and babysit at the same time.
There are acquaintances in the small county, and people understand each other for colleagues who have families and children. When children go to and from school, adults can pick them up on time, without clocking in or strictly observing the shift time. When the weather is good, I ask the leader for a leave of absence and go to the park to walk the baby. "Working in the system is really good for getting married. He Xuan said.
If you pay close attention, you will find that there are occasionally workstations in the unit that you haven't seen anyone for a long time. Maybe it's a young mother who has applied for maternity leave, or maybe a colleague who is not in good health and needs to take a long leave to recuperate. They don't have to worry about being laid off or where they will be able to earn while on leave. According to the regulations, long-term leave will be deducted according to a certain percentage, but some unit leaders do not care about it and pay wages as usual.
Not long ago, Xiaoyuan, who is married and has no children, has a plan to prepare for pregnancy. If she changed to a large factory where she worked before, she would never dare to mention it to her superiors. But within the system, she immediately informed the leader so that he could coordinate the distribution and reduce the outdoor work.
When Xiaoyuan was contacted, it was noon on Friday. She was going to finish the interview, catch a 14:30 bus, and travel to the surrounding cities, visiting bookstores and museums. In order to catch up with her travel plans, she sometimes takes an extra half-day off to spend the weekend early. Leaders are reasonable, and as long as the work at hand is done, the leave will generally be approved. She is practicing a new way of life, "life is the main line, work is the copy".
Of course, there are prerequisites for this tolerance. On the one hand, when people with families are able to get out of work, the corresponding work will fall on other people's heads, which becomes a disguised punishment for singleness. On the other hand, it defaults to the woman as the primary caregiver of the family. As Xiaoyuan said, "Most of the system is dominated by men." The proportion of female leaders is very small, "because you think that sooner or later lesbians will have to be family-oriented." ”
The county seat is a complex ecology, which is tolerant of people, and sometimes almost harsh. It makes young people want to escape, but when the outside world is stormy, it becomes a beacon that summons people to return to their homeland.
Today, Meng Jia is still unhappy and often feels lonely. But sometimes, she also thinks that if she encounters the epidemic just after graduation, if she doesn't enter the system, she may not be able to find a better job in a big city if she is from an ordinary university.
At least for now, she has no worries about unemployment or layoffs, and she has a stable income, so she doesn't have to reach out to her family to ask for money, marriage, life, and she doesn't have to compromise with her family. She comforted herself: "The path I am taking now is not what I had hoped for, but it may have been the best choice for me." ”