Female to middle-aged: enrich yourself, raise your partner, and raise your children freely
All the anxiety and anger in people are mistreated.
Mothers, know how to love yourself seriously and enrich yourself well, so that you will get more kindness and love.
Author | Anna Besu
THE WELL-KNOWN BLOGGER PAPI SAUCE ONCE MADE A LIFE ORDER IN A SHOW:
The first is yourself, then your partner, then your children and your parents.
This caused a lot of controversy at the time.
Many people don't understand and think that she is too selfish, unfilial, and irresponsible.
But when I was middle-aged, I realized that her selfishness was the real performance of responsibility.
Hesse once said: If you can't love yourself, you can't love others.
When a woman is middle-aged, her career and family are shoulder-to-shoulder, and she is entangled in trivial matters such as firewood, rice, oil and salt.
We can't get rid of the shackles of reality, but we can focus on ourselves, row our oars first, and then be the boat that ferries people.
Enrich yourself:
You love yourself first, and then others will love you
I once saw a question on the Internet:
What does it really mean to start a family and become a mother?
Some people say that it is because they have lost their full sleep since then, and have become haggard and tired all day long around the children and the stove;
It is a day after day that I am consumed by trivialities, and I have long forgotten my former self and my original dream.
After becoming a mother, we have to support our family and take care of our children, we give all our love and attention to our families, but we forget to love ourselves well.
I know a mother who wears shabby and faded clothes all the year round, is always the last to be served at dinner, takes care of her children when shopping, and prioritizes her husband's likes and dislikes when traveling.
In the end, the child was raised arrogantly by her, and her husband also used her as a free mother.
has been poor all year round, her mouth is down, her hair is yellow, her face is full of grievances, and her temper is also a little bit.
The writer Su Qin once said: All the anxiety and anger in people are mistreated.
A mother who is lacking in heart and does not take good care of herself is like a car with an empty gas tank, no matter how hard you step on the accelerator, it will be in vain.
When a woman reaches middle age, she should never wait for someone else to fill her cup.
When we fill the cup in front of us, we are satisfied and happy, and then we can overflow happiness to our families.
From now on, leave a little of the energy poured into your children to love yourself, and leave some of the expectations projected into the family to fulfill yourself.
You can take up some hobbies, flower arrangement, painting, yoga, to learn a new skill.
When you learn to enrich yourself, you will find that many problems will be solved, and life will be bright and lovely.
Stocking Companions:
Lower your expectations and hope for others rather than on yourself
Zeng Qifeng, a psychological counselor, once received a male client.
The client bitterly stated that all his frustration came from his wife.
His wife asked him to take care of his family not only because of his career. Eight sentences in his daily speech are counted down, and it seems that he is never satisfied with him.
At first, he would fight back, but after a long time, he just wanted to be silent, he didn't want to communicate with his wife, he didn't want to go home, and the relationship between the two was shaky.
This wife is very much like us in the past.
We have more or less asked for and looked forward to it in our relationships.
I want my partner to take care of us in every detail, to be able to read our every thought, to be successful, and to take care of the family......
The more you can ask for and the higher the expectations, the more precarious the marriage will be.
From our youth to the halfway point of our lives, we understand that no one person in this world can fully meet the needs of another.
In the countless collisions with life, we will understand the helplessness and limitations of being human, and reduce the demands on our partners.
In the process of hope, disappointment, hope and disappointment, we will gradually see that it is better to hope in ourselves than to expect from others.
is like Tsuneko Nakamura, the author of "The World is Worth It".
Her husband used to be unmotivated, an alcoholic, and ignorant of his children.
I also love to entertain people outside, spending money like running water, resulting in life always being stretched.
She wept, complained, and chattered about her husband, but he became even more bored with her, and began to stay home at night, and was in high debt.
She lost her heart on her husband and went out to find a job.
The competition in the workplace is fierce, and she doesn't dare to be distracted when she goes to work, and she has to continue studying after work.
When she used the expectations projected on her husband for self-improvement, she found the good in him instead, and her married life became harmonious.
Some people may think that Hengzi's approach is a last resort, a compromise of marriage and forbearance of life.
But I think it's a great courage.
As Zheng Yuanjie said: pinning hope on others means keeping the disappointment to yourself.
Lowering expectations of your partner means taking responsibility for yourself and taking back control of your life.
Only in this way can we live a sassy and vivid life in a changing world.
Free-range children:
Only by accepting children unconditionally can children be truly achieved
Peng Kaiping, a professor at Tsinghua University, once said: Education is one of the most anxious places in this society.
And mothers, who take on most of the educational responsibilities, are more likely to fall into anxiety.
In recent years, tragedies caused by "chicken babies" have emerged one after another.
A single mother in Nantong forced her 12-year-old daughter to learn college English, and if she was not satisfied, she was beaten badly, and even burned the right side of her daughter's face with a hot spatula.
People magazine reported a case in which a child was diagnosed with severe depression and bipolar disorder in junior high school, and once wanted to commit suicide because of his mother's long-term high pressure and control.
The mother did her best for her child, but in the end, she lost both, which is really embarrassing.
Perhaps we have to accept the fact that:
No matter how fervently you want your child to become a dragon and phoenix, he may end up being unknown.
A writer's son may not be able to become a writer when he grows up, and the parents of a school bully may also raise a scumbag child.
Education, time is irreversible, and the results are unpredictable.
What we can do is not to force our child to follow the route we set, but to give him guidance and support as much as possible on the road of growth, and help him find his passion.
Li Meijin taught her daughter a full score of 120 in mathematics when she went to school, but she only scored 15 points, but this did not prevent her from being admitted to an art school and becoming a music teacher.
A good education is for the mother to be a "gardener", not a "carpenter".
The former is based on the child's habits and does not interfere too much.
The latter puts their own standards and requirements first, and transforms their children step by step.
Learn to raise children freely, not to control, not to interfere, and only to provide the soil in which the child grows freely.
Let the flowers become flowers and let the trees become trees, which is not only to liberate the children, but also to fulfill themselves.
In the movie "The Grandmaster", Miss Gong Er said:
There are three stages for a person who practices martial arts: seeing himself, seeing heaven and earth, and seeing sentient beings.
In fact, this is also the triple realm of female cultivation to middle age.
See yourself: explore to meet your own needs and learn self-love;
See heaven and earth: to recognize some objective laws, to know that all human beings have their own defects, and no longer force control.
Seeing sentient beings: Complete the differentiation with your partner and children, and truly see and respect them as independent individuals.
Give it a thumbs up, I hope that you in middle age will learn to lower your expectations, pamper yourself, treat your family well, and live a transparent and free life.