Mother of three burst into tears in the morning: If given the choice, who wants to be Superman? 

Text | Rice grain mother

Before clicking on the video, Migrain's mother didn't expect to be so heart-piercing.

On the Fuzhou flyover at three o'clock in the morning, police are comforting a drunken mother of three.

In the video of more than a minute, every sentence of the mother's collapse and crying is distressed and angry.

"Ten years at home with children, I also want to go out to work."

"I have no social circle, no friends, nothing."

"My husband's family doesn't care about anything, he wants me to take care of it every day."

Taking care of three children alone, her daily life is chaotic, and what makes her even more chilled is her husband's indifferent attitude of not caring about himself and not paying attention.

But for the sake of the family retreat and retreat mother, even dare not cry openly, in the middle of the night to coax the child to sleep, only have the opportunity to hide outside and collapse alone.

While pouring bitter water on the police, she told the police that she was sorry for causing them trouble.

One second the mother who was still in despair and roared to jump off the overpass, the next second after seeing the child in the monitoring room sneaking out of the bedroom, she immediately packed up all her emotions and rushed home anxiously.

A "time-limited crash" came to an abrupt end, as if it had never happened.

Seeing this last scene, Mother Mi felt panicked.

After clicking on the comment area, the eyes were full of questions from netizens: "Why give birth?" "Why give birth to three?"

Rice Mother can understand everyone's anger, but the misplaced accusations once again cover up the real problem.

To give birth or not to give birth is a common decision of a family, why should my mother be scolded when she collapses here, but my father is beautiful and invisible?

As for the third child, it just amplifies the existing problem -

In a bad family, having one is just as a disaster.

Internal attrition of stay-at-home mothers

Also a three-child family, a mother helplessly asked:

"How do you grow so that you won't be looked down upon?"

The subject has been a full-time mother for many years, and after the economic downturn, watching her family become more and more stretched, she began to self-condemn.

"I always feel that my family has no money, and I am the main reason."

"You shouldn't have so many children, you should support the family financially."

With just a few words, he took the responsibility on his own head, and the words were full of self-doubt.

She denied the psychological and physical cost of having three children, denied the dedication and sacrifice to the entire family over the years, and denied her own value and ability.

But in fact, just the identity of "full-time mother" is enough to make people feel the difficulty and pressure of it.

In a certain answer, someone made a thoughtful suggestion:

"Keep your home in order, to be able to speak well, it is better to have the conditions, or to be financially independent."

Seeing this rice grain, there are only seven big words in her heart: standing and talking without back pain!

It's not enough to ask women to go up and down the kitchen, and now they are turning financial independence into the new benchmark for stay-at-home mothers? You don't think that your mother really has superpowers, do you?

Just taking care of the food, clothing, housing and transportation of a large family, and taking care of all aspects of the child's learning and life, I can't wait to break it in half in a minute, where is the free time for the mother to grow up?

In the hit drama "Good Things Become Pairs" some time ago, Fei's mother played a full-time mother who met people who were not shy.

She was originally a college bully who won international awards in a prestigious university, but she was willing to quit the workplace for the sake of her family, and cut off her great future with a knife in her hand.

After discovering that her sweet-talking husband was cheating, she finally burst the happy bubble of marital stability with her own hands and faced the harsh reality for the first time.

And Fei's mother in the play, multiple conditions are top-matched: the aura of a famous school, excellent ability, parental support, daughter worry-free, reliable friends...

Under such circumstances, she is still anxious about divorce and returning to the workplace, and the same reality falls on ordinary people, what will be the situation?

Can't even think about it.

Some people are also relieved that being a full-time mother should not put too much financial pressure on herself, and excessive internal friction is really unnecessary.

As everyone knows, every self-doubt of a stay-at-home mother is not empty, but a projection of the attitude of the people around her.

Before she blamed herself for not making money, she must have heard countless accusations from close people; Before she asked herself if she could become better and more versatile, someone must have kept beating her up, saying that she wasn't doing enough.

The identity of a stay-at-home mother does not directly lead to people's sense of low worth, but an external evaluation without empathy is enough to make people lose self-confidence.

"Mom, you don't deserve it"

Some time ago, a note in Xiaomou's book made Mi Gran's mother feel depressed.

In order to better accompany her children, this mother chose to work in self-media with a higher degree of freedom, and has been saving money for many years.

One day when she took her son to go shopping, she took a fancy to a bag with more than a thousand.

Unexpectedly, she was about to pay but was stopped by her son, who reprimanded her mother on the street:

"Mom, don't waste money! You don't make money and don't know how hard it is to make money! ”

One sentence made my mother instantly don't know how to react. After a moment of silence, she decisively paid for her bag and left, but the child kept persuading her to return on the way home.

Perhaps the son is used to seeing his mother in life, but he has never thought about what his mother is reluctant to spend money for.

Even more chilling than the son is the husband.

After returning home, the child cried and complained to his father, accusing him of "wasting money".

Dad listened, not only did not help his mother support him, but also took advantage of the trend to falsely murder his mother a few words.

The child's eyebrows danced at this time, and he said to his mother with high spirits:

"Look, I said you didn't deserve it."

The son who was raised by himself treated like this, coupled with the unimpressed and muddy posture of the pillow person, the rice grain mother can fully empathize with this mother's sadness and anger.

In another video, the son's rebuke is harsher than "You don't deserve it."

A mother took advantage of her son's school time to do a manicure, and when she picked up her son, she happily asked if he looked good.

After the son glanced at it lightly, instead of saying a word of praise, he also poured cold water on his mother - "It's not pretty!" ”

Without waiting for my mother to react, she opened up like a cannon:

"You're not a little girl, is it useful to do this?"

"Besides, if you make it like this, how are you going to work?"

"You can be light, how old are you!"

"You look so bumpy, doing nail art is to add to the snake!"

Preaching after preaching, as if my mother had committed some sin by doing nail art.

It is hard to imagine that such a "father's speech" is actually the words of the son to the mother. Who do children learn from? It's hard not to imagine if her husband, and in-laws, usually say the same?

Thinking about it, every word of his son revealed his opinion of his mother.

In the eyes of the son, the mother should be the background board for hard work, an old scalper who bows down and plows, neither beautiful nor qualified to love beauty.

But he didn't know that his mother, who revolved around him like a nanny every day, was not only a wife and mother, but also herself.

Don't cook, be human

A while ago, the mother who was said by her son that she was not worthy of buying a bag shared the follow-up to the incident on social platforms.

Finding that her efforts were not cherished by her son and husband, she simply no longer swallowed her anger this time and decided to start by "refusing to cook" to find her sense of existence.

On her personal platform, she created a new collection of "not cooking and being a person", recording the bits and pieces of her hands free.

Food freedom, find a study room, buy flowers to decorate your own small room, watch concerts, put on plaster dolls, earn your own money and spend it yourself...

In addition to enjoying life, she has more time to refine her self-media skills, and PR praised her for replying to messages quickly~

Now, she has escaped from the day after day around the pot counter, and sees more possibilities in life.

When her husband asks her if your child is late, she can still rightly ask back:

"Can't you even bring a child?"

And the father and son at home, from the beginning of bubble noodles, not cleaning up the house, silently refusing to communicate, to now the son seems to have the sign of active communication.

If nothing else, at least in the eyes of her son today, she is definitely no longer the "nanny" who will not make money and achieve nothing.

But in the records of this mother, the rice mother noticed the reaction of the father and son - it was the father who had more opinions about the mother than the son.

In fact, it is not difficult to imagine that the child's disrespect and indifference to his mother are deeply affected by his father's words and deeds.

In the face of their full-time mother, some children can fully understand their mother's hard work and help her share it personally.

Xingze, a ten-year-old boy, is already a little chef on a certain platform, and his original intention in cooking is only to be considerate of his mother.

On Mother's Day this year, he prepared a cake for his mother.

In the video, while carefully framing the flowers, he said his heart words to the camera, which can be said to be in the heart of Bao's mother.

"Mom has done a lot of invisible housework and invisible sacrifices for us, and we have to be very careful to find out."

"For example, why are your shoes always clean?" Why is the home so tidy? Why is the toilet always clean? Isn't it all mother's work? ”

In addition to remembering his mother's hard work, he also felt that his mother was super beautiful.

"If I edit it myself, I will put my mother in the video and let you see how beautiful she is~."

What is more enviable than Xingze's cooking is his habit of cleaning up the cooking table while cooking, and he looks like a child who really knows how to do housework.

Why are "other people's children" so intimate? Xingze inadvertently revealed his father's "guidance" in many videos.

For example, when he sent his mother milkshake afternoon tea on the weekend, he naturally said that his father explained that he wanted his mother to eat and drink well.

Although the father has never been the protagonist of the video, the child's words and deeds reflect his healthy growth environment-

As you and I can see, there is no widowed parenting, there is no commanding to the mother, and the family of three will always respect each other, give to each other, and be considerate of each other.

Unfortunately, not all families have this pattern.

As mentioned earlier, in the current group of full-time mothers, there are many "three no mothers" who have no income, no socialization, and no leisure.

They lose themselves in the denial of their families, and they cannot find a way out in the harsh treatment of the system, and changing this status quo is the direction we should strive for.

In fact, for stay-at-home mothers, the most important thing is to be "seen", which means that self-worth is affirmed. Self-worth is like the anchor of life, and only by finding its place can mothers regain a sense of control over their lives.

In the process of rebuilding the mother's inner order and self-identity, we need the support of the social environment and the concerted efforts of all family members, and taking off the husband's "invisible cloak" is the first step we take.

Looking forward to the day when all mothers will not have to be a hard-working tool person, and take back the right to find and bloom their true selves.

Finally, send a favorite lyric to all moms -

"I don't catch any waves, I don't take any boats, I have the sea myself."

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.