The most failed education: the child uses the wrong force, the mother makes the wrong force, and the father helps the wrong force

Author: Blossom (Parents Intensive Reading Author)

Last night, my friend came to my house, came in the door and cried and said to me:

"I really don't know how to educate!"

Listening to friends, she works very hard to educate her children, always keeping an eye on their learning status, and reminding them not to play too crazy in matters that have nothing to do with learning.

Friends thought that the child's grades could remain stable in this way, who knew that the child's grades were getting worse and worse, and even became rebellious and contradicted his parents.

On the road to raising a baby, I believe that many parents will have such confusion:

Obviously the child has already worked very hard, why has the grades not been up?

It is clear that children study longer than others, why are their grades more average the more they learn?

It is clear that children have also experienced the pain of not learning, why is it more painful the more they learn?

How to educate children has always been the heart disease of the majority of parents, and it is a compulsory course for every parent.

Only by using the right education methods can we help children learn and grow better.

In fact, failed education is inseparable from these 3 reasons: the child uses the wrong force, the mother makes the wrong force, and the father helps the wrong force.

The child uses the wrong force

In the documentary "The Betrayal of Learning", there is a girl named Ye Yuan, and her learning experience is surprising.

Ye Yuan would write down her goals in the plan book every morning, then study for more than ten hours continuously, and go to bed at two o'clock in the morning.

Just looking at the degree of hard work, everyone thought that Ye Yuan's grades should be good, but on the contrary, her results were very average.

It turned out that Ye Yuan's efforts were all "fake".

A textbook, Ye Yuan would copy it several times, but never seriously understand it once.

Even if the hand is deformed by holding the pen due to long hours of copying, the final result is still unsatisfactory.

Hard work is not fake, but learning is inefficient, you will only let yourself fall into unlimited energy consumption.

Blind learning, only rote learning, for children, is not only a harm, but also the culprit that causes children to think loosely.

Many parents feel that learning is to memorize more, remember more, and work harder.

It is true that to acquire a new knowledge, you cannot do without seeing more and becoming more familiar.

But if it is only memorized and lacks understanding and thinking, the child will not comb through the knowledge points, let alone understand the meaning of learning.

Sukhomsky said: "Adolescents often memorize by rote, which leads to a disease of lazy thinking, and even in adulthood it remains in a kind of infantile stage, which makes the mind dull and the mind stagnant. ”

Children use the wrong force in rote memorization, in the final analysis, the child's self-drive to learn is not enough, and does not know how to think independently about the real and feasible learning methods.

A postdoctoral student said: "In the past, 'my parents let me learn', but now it has become 'I want to learn', the mentality has changed, and learning can have a qualitative leap." ”

A child is like a toy that needs to be wound up, and he will only move if the parent is wound up.

If you want children to develop self-drive, you can't do without the guidance of your parents.

When the child is doing the question, parents can tell him that he does not have to rush to see the answer, first think for himself, try to answer, and finally compare the answer for memory supplementation.

In order to firmly remember the knowledge points, parents can take their children to make "associations", connect new knowledge with applications in life, and let children build their own knowledge system.

When children consciously drive the correct learning method, they will no longer be more tired of learning, but will feel more accomplished.

If the results are compared to a building, good study habits are the foundation, and only if the foundation is laid, the building is naturally strong.

Mom makes the wrong force

Bai Wei, a family education expert, once had a psychological counseling for junior high school girls with depressive tendencies.

It is understood that in the six years of the girl's primary school, her grades have been in the top three of her grade, and her family's awards are plastered all over the wall.

Her mother was worried that she would not be able to keep up with her studies in junior high school, so she quit her job and rented a house near the school to take care of her daily life.

But in junior high school, girls feel that their homework is becoming more and more difficult, especially in science, and their grades continue to decline.

The mother began to be anxious, not only hired a one-on-one tutor for the girl, but also bought very expensive brain tonic drugs, and even restricted the girl's freedom and deprived the girl of other interests to develop.

As a result, under the "careful care" of her mother, the girl's grades not only did not improve, but she lost her hobby and freedom, her spirit became more and more weak, and she was once depressed and wanted to commit suicide.

Many mothers are bent on sending their children to prestigious schools, not hesitating to "sacrifice" all their time and energy, and forcing their children to abandon any hobbies and focus only on academic performance.

As everyone knows, the results are only temporary, and a child's heart that is keen to explore is the only straw in life.

Professor Li Meijin reminded us:

"Don't let the child stay at home to study all day long, otherwise his brain is highly excited, the cerebellum cannot be stimulated, and the brain nerves are not excited, and psychological problems are prone to occur."

If the string is pulled too tightly, it will break, and education will make the wrong force counterproductive.

Destroy all the child's interests, no matter how good the grades are, the heart is also desolate, and the child will not find his true self.

For children, learning is "energy-intensive", while hobbies are a way to "recharge".

The experience of many top students verifies this:         

Meng Linghao, a science champion in Shandong, practiced the cello for two or three hours a day in his busy third year of high school, and could concentrate more on studying;

Xie Xinying, a science champion in Chongqing, no matter how nervous she is studying, she will always give herself time to breathe a sigh of relief and play the piano more comfortably;

Tang Chuyue, a champion of science in Hubei, often plays ball and climbs mountains in addition to studying, and is more motivated to study after his body relaxes.

The wisest parents are to help their children find their own talents and hobbies, and support them to live their lives and live wonderfully.

Short-sighted mothers only look at grades, and far-sighted mothers not only take care of their children's lives, but also pay attention to their children's inner world, so that their children can stimulate the vitality of life every day.

Dad helps the wrong one

Seen a sad news:

The 13-year-old boy did not get good grades, and his father hated iron but did not make steel, and frightened him with a katana, but accidentally stabbed his son to death.

The boy has been dependent on his father since he was a child, and his father has high expectations for him and is very strict.

Whenever the boy's grades were not satisfactory, he would be beaten and scolded by his father, and even frightened twice by his father with a knife.

This time, the boy's physical education score only scored 18 points, and his father started the fire again: "Even if the language test is not good, the physical education test is so poor, play mobile phone every day, you can't use dim sum?" ”

The more Dad spoke, the more angry he became, raised his hand and picked up the katana, intending to "teach" his son, but unexpectedly, he was emotional and stabbed directly at his son.

Only to hear the boy shouting loudly: "Ouch, daddy poked!" ”

Can't wait for the ambulance, the boy lost too much blood and died regretfully, leaving only the last sentence: "Dad, I'm studying hard!" ”

Afterwards, my father cried with regret: "I am not a heinous person, I am the best heart, and I have done the worst thing." ”

In the name of love, but to the child to do irreparable tragedy, the father's ineffective help, in fact, pushed the child to the abyss.

When the child's grades are not good, what parents should do is not to scold and blame, but to sit down and talk with the child, and patiently accompany the child to study.

Remember the national talent Wu Yishu?

At the age of 16, he appeared in the "Chinese Poetry Conference" and won the championship with a reserve of 2,000 poems.

At the age of 18, she took the college entrance examination and was admitted to Tsinghua University with excellent results, and was known as a "national talented woman".

However, it is such a generation of Tianjiao, who would have thought that when he was a child, he was actually a "poor student" in the mouth of the head teacher.

Although Wu Yishu coped with her studies, her grades were at the bottom and she was often criticized by her teachers.

The parents did not accuse her of how to learn, but subtly gave her a positive influence on the child.

Especially my father, after dealing with busy work every day, he turned off his mobile phone when he got home, and concentrated on accompanying Wu Yishu to study and read various books together.

Dad read attentively day after day, so that Wu Yishu gradually fell in love with reading and became a talented poetry girl today.

In a family, the father is the helmsman, able to grasp the direction of the ship and show the child the right path.

Dad taking the time to fully participate in the child's growth is a powerful driver on the child's learning path.

For your child, your undistracted attention is the best gift for your child.

At last

Wang Qiuyun, a family education expert, said:

"The educational wisdom of parents hides what their children will look like in the next 20 years. But if you don't know the right way, you will lead your child down the wrong path. ”

Every child who stands out stands out with visionary parents standing behind them.

Guiding children to think independently and giving children the ability to explore themselves is a wise way for parents to help their children fly alone in the future.

Teaching by word and example is the best educational concept, which can nourish children's hearts and accompany children through the long years of life.

May parents master the right way of education and illuminate the growth path for children to love learning and understand their parents.

About author: Flower Blossom, rich book columnist, use the tip of the pen to paint the future, wait for the flower to bloom, article: Parents evolution, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, may not be reprinted, infringement must be investigated