Hao Lei envied Zhang Zifeng's eyes, allowing me to see the biggest debt parents owed to their children 

Text | Rice grain mother

A while ago, Mi Grain's mother happened to see an interview with Hao Lei, and her heart was very unpleasant.

Hao Lei, who attracted the attention of the entertainment industry with her talent at the age of 15, can also be regarded as a young and famous person.

For a long time, she has been surrounded by labels such as fengshen acting skills and drama queens, but who knows that she will also show the longing eyes of a little girl, or face her junior Zhang Zifeng.

Hao Lei recalled the days when she filmed "Midsummer Future" with Zifeng in an interview, and frankly expressed her admiration:

"I envy her so much, because her mother is always next to her, and I am nobody."

Hao L, who left home at the age of 15, dragged his bulky luggage to catch the train alone, and did not even have a hard seat, so he staggered on his own luggage and hurried.

In those days, communication was inconvenient, there was no pager, and a person seemed to become a rootless duckweed as soon as he left.

But she herself didn't feel bitter at that time, and now that she thinks back, she feels a dull pain.

Because she was raised by her parents as a "tomboy" since she was a child, she was required to be independent, strong, and able to carry things.

So when her peers had just entered puberty, Hao Lei knew that she had to rely on herself in everything, and don't expect her family to lend a hand.

She said that the thing that hurt her the most so far was that she was very sad after the second divorce, and the first time she showed weakness to her father and said that she wanted a hug.

But her father taught her: "What is the use of hugging? ”

This sentence was like a thorn, piercing her in tears on the spot, and she still can't let go to this day.

Seeing this, Mi Li's mother felt sad, because I knew that Hao L was far more than the only one who was pricked by this thorn.

To be forced to be sensible is a kind of cruelty

If you ask parents, Xi does not want their children to be sensible?

Presumably, many people will respond without thinking: Of course.

But sometimes, the sensibility in the eyes of parents will hurt the child's nature.

A netizen who works in a milk tea shop met a mother and son with different personalities.

The mother has a hot personality, and the child stands quietly on the side.

When ordering, my mother's battle startled netizens.

She yelled at the child, "What do you want to drink?" Talk to people! Hurry up! It's not for you to drink..."

At this moment, netizens understood that the child's quiet is not well-behaved, it is cowardice.

Under his mother's pressure, he immediately chose the cheapest one, asking him if he wanted a large cup or a medium cup, he did not dare to squeak, but just glanced at his mother carefully.

Mom said impatiently, "Let's take a cup." ”

This picture made netizens feel upset, because she found that it was similar to her childhood experience.

She thought that as time passed, her parents learned to change and she had healed herself, but in this second she sadly found that she was still in place.

So she turned around, picked up a large drink and handed it to the child, and also handed it to her former self-

"Big cup, do activities today~"

Unfortunately, not all children can heal themselves, and what we need more is timely reflection and improvement from parents.

A child psychologist once received counseling from a mother who found that her daughter showed age-inappropriate sensibility in kindergarten, almost flattering.

The first time I used the kindergarten squat pit, my daughter accidentally wet her pants.

After the teacher taught, every time she went to the toilet, she would say to the teacher: "Teacher, I didn't wet my pants today." ”

During the lunch break, other children let the teacher pat and coax, but this little girl always said:

"Teacher, you are very hard and tired, you don't have to shoot me."

But the teacher clearly saw that the child said "no need to shoot", but his eyes were full of expectation.

So she told her mother: "I have never seen such a child in twenty years of teaching, I don't cry or make trouble, I look at my face so well." Being too hard at a young age may be detrimental to future growth. ”

After observing for a period of time, the mother found that her daughter was very similar to her own temper, stoic and cowardly, and used to obedience.

And going back to the roots, probably because the two of them were brought up by the same person - the child's grandmother.

Grandma had a big temper, said everything, and disciplined harshly.

She raised a daughter who did not dare to resist, and used a strong education to make her granddaughter of the next generation so promised.

Faced with such a cause, psychologists gave a direct solution: take the child away from the grandmother.

"If you want to protect your daughter, you must first learn to rebel against your mother," she said. ”

Precocious, with bad luck

The child psychologist in the previous case commented on the overly sensible little girl -

"Your child is forced to give up being herself in childhood, when she should be honest with herself, and her life energy cannot be used for normal growth, and is consumed too much to deal with others.

This pain is so profound that it can become a lifetime of doom and curse. ”

Precocious puberty is a misfortune for children, and it represents the dereliction of duty of parents.

It reminds me of Grandma Miri, who was sent to her grandfather's house when she was one year old and didn't pick her up until high school.

She was originally the only daughter of a senior engineer's family, but she went to her grandmother's house, but she became a child that no one cared about. My younger brother (my cousin) and sister (my cousin) are all extremely smart, smart and cute, but she is ordinary and forgotten in the corner.

She knew that her grandmother loved to eat pie cores, because her teeth were not good and she couldn't bite the skin, so she lied that she loved to eat pie crusts. As a result, the whole family tore off the crust for her to eat.

Give too much, and your own needs will be ignored by others. This is true between people, and even more so between parents and children.

Tian Wenwen in the CCTV hit drama "Big Exam" is a precocious child.

She is the eldest daughter in the family, because her parents have limited energy, and when she goes out to do business, she only takes her sister away, leaving her to be brought up by her grandmother.

Because of her grandmother's old age, Wenwen learned self-discipline, sensibility, and independence very early, and never let people worry.

Even in the third year of high school, which is under great pressure, she never cried out a bitter word.

After her grandmother died, she was left alone in the old house.

On the road to self-study the next night, Wenwen was scared to the point of pale when she saw a black shadow trailing, but the next second she received a call from her mother, but she was full of "it's okay" and "rest assured".

On the other end of the call, parents in the city are enjoying intimate parent-child time with their sister.

Accustomed to being abandoned, accustomed to being alone, Tian Wenwen no longer has any expectations for her parents.

When you have a fever during the epidemic, you would rather seek help from a teacher than add a little trouble to your parents who are in quarantine.

For more than ten years, she has always comforted herself like this:

My parents have to earn money, no way, if there is no money, life may be worse.

After a long time, even parents have accepted this fact, the eldest daughter is sensible by nature, that is, considerate of her parents, and can bear more pressure.

So after my father was diagnosed with the new crown, he told his eldest daughter as soon as possible, and asked her to hide it from her mother and not let her worry.

"Since you were a child, you have been independent and strong... Dad believes that you are reliable. ”

The father seems to have forgotten that the eldest daughter is still in her third year of high school, and it is a key moment that may affect her life with a little distraction.

But Wenwen didn't expect that wrapped in a cold and hard shell and no longer revealing her fragile self to her parents, she would be questioned by her mother like this-

"Why are you so alone?"

At that moment, the grievances she had accumulated in her heart for many years suddenly leaked out, and tears flowed, and every sentence was torture of her parents' dereliction of duty——

"When you were young, you didn't have the ability to take me with you, leaving me and grandma to rely on each other, and come back to see me two or three times a year like alms, and now that grandma is gone, can I not be alone?

I am not an independent one, but a lonely one.

Do you know when I'm most uncomfortable? It's that you have a sister, and when the conditions are good, you can take her with you.

Why am I living so bitterly and she is living so sweetly? Throw stones and ask for directions, I am a road stone, throw bricks to lead jade, I am that brick? ”

It is said that children who cry have sugar to eat, so sensible children deserve to endure pain?

No. A person who has been frosted can melt him if he is given a little more warmth.

It is a blessing for parents for children to ask for help

Mother Migrain used to think that sensible children came to repay the favor, but now she understands more and more that it is the blessing of parents that children will ask for help.

During the recording of the variety show "Hahahahaha", a scene that had nothing to do with the content of the program was retained, but it moved countless audiences.

The tour group was sitting in the car, and former national football athlete "General Fan" Fan Zhiyi suddenly received a call, it was from his daughter.

As soon as it was connected, the daughter on the opposite side cried aggrievedly and asked the reason, it turned out that she and her boyfriend quarreled, and his boyfriend was recalled by the team for training, and now she is left in the mountains and can't go back.

Now that the traffic is so convenient, how can there be a "can't go back"?

But after her daughter in her twenties was wronged, she still called her father to sell misery at the first time.

Because she knew that in her father's place, she would always have the privilege of willfulness.

Sure enough, Fan Zhiyi was not a little impatient after hearing this, but also coaxed her daughter to greet a group of stars while calming her little emotions.

Finally, a very reliable solution is given - stay where you are, and Dad will find someone to pick you up.

Such a close father-daughter relationship has made many netizens red-eyed, and some people sighed:

"No matter how old a daughter is, she is a little girl from her parents."

Children's help is trust, dependence, and the strength nourished by parents' love over the years.

A few days ago, Rice Gran's recent rice variety show "Home Alone 2" ended.

Recalling the touching clips of this season, Mi Li's mother clearly remembers the romance of being alone in the family.

Dad Guan Sheng is a handicraft expert, and has created various surprises for the mother and daughter since the first issue, but what made Mi Li's mother tear the most was that he gave his daughter Guan Sanxi a growth record website.

The website contains a lot of Sanxi's growth fragments, and even more hides what Dad wants to say to his daughter.

He said:

I hope my child's first reaction after breaking into trouble is not: "It's over, daddy will definitely beat me." ”

Rather: "I need Daddy's help." ”

I hope that after my child fails the test, the first reaction is not: "Death is set, what should I do at the parent-teacher conference." ”

Instead: "I really want to go home and ask my dad to take me somewhere to camp and talk." ”

I hope my child's first reaction after falling out of love is not: "I hide in the bed and cry." ”

Instead: "Dad! Can you accompany me for a drink? ”

This is not a good thing to say, the audience can see that in the show, in order to become his daughter's confidant father, he did not miss any opportunity to get closer to Sanxi.

Finally, the rice grain mother gave everyone a passage written by Bi Shumin in "The Garden of Parenting Relationships":

"To learn to be close to our parents, to listen and not to obey;

Closeness to our loved ones, close and not confused;

With our children as teachers and friends, loving and not arranged. ”

This is probably the code to deal with family intimacy.

As parents, Mother Migrain really hopes that her children can grow up lively and happy, they need to have independent survival ability, but they do not have to learn to compromise too early.

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.