Zeng Yuli
Poster of "We're Divorced"
After the broadcast of Han Zong's "We Are Divorced", it not only received high ratings in South Korea, but also appeared on Weibo hot search many times. The show came to China, and there is nothing surprising about it. On the one hand, there are thousands of variety shows, but there have never been variety shows in China that allow divorced couples to live together for three days and two nights again. On the other hand, "divorce" is not only a common phenomenon in China, but also a topic of just need. According to data from the Ministry of Civil Affairs, in 2019, 9.273 million marriages were registered, and 4.701 million divorces were registered, a record high for divorce data. A study by psychologists in the Observation Room of "We Are Divorced" showed that of the 10 stresses in life, the first is the death of the spouse, the second is divorce, the seventh is marriage, and the ninth is reconciliation with the spouse. Of the 10 life pressures, marriage-related accounted for 4. Thinking of the recent discussion on the "cooling off period for divorce", we can also find that the public is highly concerned about the topic of divorce.
The first three episodes of the show mainly invited two divorced couples to participate, one was the elderly group and the other was the youth group. There may be viewers who come to the show with the expectation that divorced couples may be "reunited", and if this is the case, I am afraid that it will be disappointed. "We're Divorced" is more like a big marriage "surgery" scene, bloodily telling you how a marriage dies.
Lee Young-ho and Hyun-woo Eun-sook are both South Korean veteran stars, Lee Young-ho was born in 1950, Hyun-woo Eun-sook was born in 1958, the two married in 1981, and ended a 26-year marriage in 2007. By the time the show was recorded, the two had been divorced for 13 years.
Fresh in silver sophistication
Lee Young-ho
The two spent three days and two nights together, which is tiring to watch - it is too much like the husband and wife model of the older generation in the patriarchal era. Li Yinghe is a very typical traditional husband: good to everyone, that is, the attitude towards his wife is very casual. Doesn't he love his wife? Not really, but in his philosophy, men just want to go out and fight for a career, socialize with friends every day, and it doesn't matter if they have any ambiguous actions with other women (as long as they don't have that kind of mind); the wife is to play the role of a good "good wife and good mother", as for the wife's needs, wishes, moods, etc., it is irrelevant.
But XianYu Yinshu's expectations of her husband are not like this. She will go out of her way to beauty before the festival, she hopes that her ex-husband can treat herself as a woman; after she meets her ex-husband, she will talk about the various grievances she has suffered in the past 26 years of marriage, and she hopes that her ex-husband can reflect on her mistakes and give her emotional comfort...
In the face of his ex-wife's complaints, Li Yinghe is like an "iron wall of copper", he changes the topic in various blunt ways, and refuses to have emotional communication with his ex-wife. The ex-wife always wanted to ask, and he kept saying that he was tired, "Don't ask, don't ask."
The guest complained that Lee Young-ho was the first in South Korea in terms of ability to transfer the topic
Li Yinghe's common reaction to his ex-wife's questions is "don't ask don't ask"
I don't think Li Yinghe is a "bad person", he confided in his friends, he is just not used to saying anything, he is used to silently bearing. But in terms of gender relations, he is undoubtedly a failed husband. During the marriage, he regarded his wife as his "private property", so he was very kind to everyone other than his wife, but he did not care about his wife. Even when he came to record the show, he remembered to bring rice cakes to his neighbors, worried that the recording would affect others, but he wouldn't think about doing anything for his ex-wife.
Li Yinghe is a good person, but not a good partner
The suffocating moment in the show is that Xian Yu Yinshu is painfully accusing her of her newlywed trip with Li Yinghe, even if it is only one day, she is full of expectations, and as a result, Li Yinghe spends all day drinking with friends, leaving Xian Yu Yinshu to return to the hotel alone. Li Yinghe listened absently, because at this moment, he called his local friend again, and then XianYu Yinshu was alone in the car waiting for Li Yinghe.
At this moment, XianYu Yinshu should be dead hearted. The pain of 40 years ago was something she had experienced again today. The next morning, Li Yinghe apologized to Xian Yu Yinshu for this, saying that he did not take into account her feelings. Just when the guests in the observation room thought that Li Yinghe knew how to reflect, Li Yinghe's next sentence was that he invited several friends today, and now he was thinking about whether to refuse... The guests in the observation room were powerless to complain.
You see, some people are easy to change their disposition, and they may be a good person, but they can't become a "good husband". Such a marriage can last for 26 years, and it is not easy.
Young people are not as able to "survive" as the older generation. Cui Yakin, a young group, was 26 years old and married 24-year-old Liu Heye, who fell in love at first sight. Both are well-known YouTubers. The marriage lasted 5 years, just divorced for 7 months, and had a 5-year-old daughter, raised by Choi Yakuma, and Liu Heye saw her once a month.
Divorced couples in the younger group
Perhaps it was not long after the divorce, at the beginning of the two people's relationship with natural, relaxed and a little ambiguous, many viewers thought that they were watching "We Are Married". But when Cui Grill's 80-year-old father appeared on camera, the whole atmosphere became very "dignified". Choi's father is very dissatisfied with Yoo Ho Ye, who believes that Yoo Yoo Ye does not have the "virtues" of traditional Korean women: such as not cooking for her husband, not greeting her father-in-law during the New Year's Festival...
Choi's father said this about his ex-daughter-in-law
As the saying goes, marriage is not two people getting married, but two families "getting married". But the reason for this is that in addition to the lack of boundaries of the parents, it is also because Cui Grill is not able to coordinate the relationship between his wife and father. He wants to be a filial piety, which is no problem, the problem is that he is more or less a "daddy boy", he also more or less agrees with some of his father's identification of women, so his emotional balance tilts to his father's side. It wasn't until he raised the children himself that he apologized to his ex-wife belatedly—he finally knew how hard it was for his ex-wife to take the child before, but it was difficult to collect, and the ex-wife said, "Forget it, it's over, the shelf life is over." ”
When parents lack a sense of boundaries and constantly intervene in their children's marriages, and children have no way to achieve economic independence and spiritual independence, then the probability of marriage breakdown is very high. Especially for women who marry into a "family", why bother to live by watching the faces of a group of people in their husband's family?
Seeing the former father-in-law coming with his daughter, Liu Heye secretly hid aside
The current two groups of divorced couples in "We're Divorced" are excellent observation samples of marital intimacy. For people in a relationship, the show provides us with a mirror, and we have to think hard: Are we doing a good job in the marriage? Is there a similar crisis in our marriages? Although divorce is a freedom, we have never been in favor of treating marriage hastily and our partners hastily for this purpose. The big truth does not need to be said more, watching the daughter of Cui Grill in the show say goodbye to her mother, it is very sad for the little girl. Don't take marriage lightly, children are innocent.
For couples who have hesitated and hesitated to divorce, the show conveys a very correct idea: "Divorce is not to be happier, but to reduce unhappiness." "Whether you decide to divorce, you may wish to think calmly: if you continue this marriage, will you be more unhappy? For example, for Liu Lotus, she can only meet with her daughter once a month, and her daughter may not feel full maternal love, which is "unfortunate"; but if she is still in this marriage, not only is she unhappy, but she has endless quarrels or cold wars with her husband every day, which is "more unfortunate" for the growth of children. If divorce is the least bad option, then there is no need to hesitate and linger on marriage.
For single people who have not yet entered marriage, "We Are Divorced" reminds everyone that marriage also needs a cooling-off period. Although there is no "marriage cooling-off period" in law, the marriage cooling-off period may be more important than the divorce cooling-off period – because of some "mistakes" that did not have to be made from the beginning. For example, if you know that you are not compatible with your partner's parents, and your partner is not independent enough and does not have the ability to coordinate, then you must be cautious when entering such a marriage.
Intimacy is a complex but well-worthy of serious study. "We're Divorced" has a good start, it is not a dog blood, gimmick variety show, you can completely study it as a sociological sample. I am looking forward to having a domestic version.
Editor of this issue Chang Chen