Qingming Festival is coming, and today's story has a little to do with Qingming, and it is a profession that you may not know much about.
The narrator Lao Wang wrote in his contribution to us that he is a post-90s "grave keeper", specifically, he is the one who helps hold the ashes and preside over the burial ceremony when someone needs to bury their deceased relatives. Less than two years into the industry, he has already held the ashes of more than 300 strangers.
I was very curious about this job, and I wanted to know why Lao Wang made such a career choice, so I came to the cemetery where he worked and chatted with him.
-1-
Life out of control
I am Lao Wang, 30 years old and living in Baoding.
I dropped out of high school because I had a congenital lumbar cyst because of illness, and I took a break from school for treatment in my second year of high school.
After my condition went away, my dad said to me, "Let's go out to school and find you a place to go to school." But I felt more social fear, and I was stressed to think of being a classmate with someone a few years younger than me, so I didn't go back to school.
After entering the society, I worked as a hotel doorman, restaurant waiter, advertising designer, teacher of training institutions, and later started a small advertising company, but I lost a lot of money.
In fact, I have long felt the pressure of life, but I will still escape until I can't avoid it. At that time, our children were in kindergarten, and suddenly found that the tuition fee for the next semester would not be paid. The tuition fee for private kindergartens is 6600 yuan for one semester, and for public kindergartens for only 800 yuan, we have to transfer him.
My son was quite excited, maybe he felt that he had a new friend in a different environment, but after I brought his physical examination report and bedding back from the private kindergarten, I secretly cried in the toilet for a while while when there was no one at home, and I actually felt sorry for him.
How to say it? I feel that I have been forced to turn left and right by life for so many years.
-2-
Get into the industry
Because of the impact of the epidemic, other jobs were difficult to do, so I began to submit resumes online.
Actually, I have already taken the teaching certificate, but the income from being a teacher is too low. At that time, I was running online ride-hailing, and I wanted to find another part-time job, preferably with a relatively high income and relatively easy job.
I first searched for some "image posts" and "concierge" jobs, and a "cemetery concierge" appeared. You can tell what this is doing by looking at the photos, but I thought it was a scam and didn't expect it to be real.
When I came to the interview for the first time, my boss told me that he would reimburse me 50 yuan for gas regardless of whether it was successful or not, and I came. After meeting, he thought I was a good fit and asked me to try on clothes. Because he came out of the honor guard, our work clothes were similar to those worn by the honor guard, and I wore it quite well, the boss was satisfied, and the interview passed smoothly.
■ Lao Wang is changing his work clothes
The boss asked me to observe the burial ceremony again, but I was embarrassed to look at it, and I felt that I was standing on the side when they were buried. I stayed away and pretended I was on the phone.
The second time I was personally involved. My boss said that it only takes ten minutes, just follow him to help with the umbrella, no need to hold the ashes. Later I said that I was far away, and it would take almost 100 kilometers to go back and forth, and he added another 50 yuan for me.
As a result, after arriving at the scene, he came up and handed me the urn, and I felt that I had been deceived, but I couldn't help but accept it, so many people looked at me. I could only stand there nervously, motionless, thinking to myself that I must not give people a boost, in case I can't hold it, this will be a big deal.
In fact, the urn is very heavy, can have a small ten pounds, and there is no gripper, I can only use two hands to carry it, but in fact, hug it, I suddenly felt that I never thought that the first time I held the ashes was to hold a stranger.
In fact, I didn't tell my family and friends until then, because I always felt that if I told them, they would think more.
When I really made money, I came back and told my family that I had earned more than 200 yuan after working for less than half an hour, and they all thought it was a good job.
-3-
mount guard
The first time I presided over the burial ceremony independently, my boss suddenly told me that one would come for burial the next day, but he couldn't make it, so I wiped the tombstone very clean the afternoon the first day, polishing it inside and out.
■ Lao Wang prepares for the next day's burial ceremony
During the ceremony, we will bring the sound to play background music, which is either mournful music or more sad music.
I will first cover the monument with a yellow cloth and invite the guests to stand solemnly. Then, when we unveil the monument, we will say "unveil the monument" and "house the new home".
I was very nervous, and at first I spoke very quietly, and the words I memorized were a little unspeakable, because they were not what I would say every day. Later, after a long time, I got used to it, I will try to control myself, the tone of speech is particularly stable, the voice is also very loud, as long as I am not embarrassed, the embarrassed is others, the louder my voice, it seems that the more professional I am.
After shouting these, there will be a "warming the cave" ceremony, with three sticks of incense, for the family to light themselves. Then we bowed three times to warm up the house, and then we started putting things in the tomb.
Generally, a "Big Dipper" will be placed underneath, which is made of copper money. Some people will "cover the silver with gold", that is, a piece of gold cloth and a white cloth, and put the gold cloth down again. Some people will bring gold bricks and ingots, put gold bricks on the bottom, and then put the ingots in the four corners.
Basically, every tomb will put something that represents wealth, maybe our national life is relatively poor, so we must put some gold and silver treasures especially bluntly.
Some people will sprinkle grain in it to ensure that future generations have food and drink, and have plenty of food and clothing; To scatter coins is to bless future generations with money to spend; There are also those who scatter nails, which means "people prosper." In short, they just put a brick, all have a meaning.
There are also a lot of dentures and hearing aids, and then sometimes there are too many things to put in, and there will be family members who say, "Pull it down, don't let it go, his hearing should be better after he dies." It's equivalent to being born again.
I remember another old man who was a pilot and whose family kept a toy plane in his grave as a funeral item. That plane is the same as the toy plane I bought for my son, and this feeling is quite subtle, and I think that if I take it back to my son to play with, he will definitely like it, but it is placed in the tomb, and the meaning is different.
A while ago, I also encountered a very interesting thing, after the burial was completed, the family said that they would take the two grasshopper cages of the deceased before his death I was thinking, they wouldn't put these two grasshoppers in the grave and be martyred, would they? As a result, they opened the cage directly in front of the tomb and released them, and only then put the cage in.
This reminds me of the movie "The Last Emperor", after Puyi bought a ticket to enter the Forbidden City, he took out a grasshopper cage behind the dragon chair, and an old grasshopper crawled out of it, and I thought about it at that time, if I really put it in, and opened the tomb many years later, would there be also a grasshopper staying inside.
■ Some family members will put a solar-powered Buddhist singing machine in front of the deceased's tombstone
After the funeral objects are placed, the tomb will be sealed, and after we finish the ceremony, we put the sound away and say goodbye to the family.
There was another one today, and I said to him, "If I don't need anything, I'll go back first, and then you can contact me if there is anything." He said, "Nothing else, no, you don't fit to say that." Actually, I've been saying this before, but he doesn't think there should be any more need.
-4-
In front of the grave
During the ceremony, the family does not express their emotions particularly strongly, because I will arrange their process, what to bow or what to do, they will pay more attention to me, maybe after I leave they will only be the family left, they will start crying over there, will talk a lot, but I basically don't see much.
But I also observe the families. Generally speaking, daughters will especially cry very much, 90% of the people who cry are women, men rarely cry, but can feel that they are very uncomfortable.
I met a man, almost forty or fifty years old, whose parents had died one after another, and the time of death was relatively close, and the first time I went to help them host, I noticed him crying.
At that time, he cried so much that his whole face turned red, and when he cried, he would take off his glasses, and I could think of crying like that, just him, so I was very impressed. The second time I saw him, I didn't recognize him, but I found that he was still crying like that.
I remembered that he was crying in this place last time, and in less than a month he came again, probably last time it was my father, this time it was my mother.
If you feel that men will cry, on the one hand, because of feelings, on the other hand, because he may be too stressful and tired in life, it is rare to have the opportunity to vent, and the things in their tears are quite complicated.
There are also some who are buried particularly quickly, and may die on the same day and be buried the next day, which is generally some lonely old people, who may not be married or have no offspring at that time for various reasons. After the death, it was the nephew of the family or other relatives who came to help with it, and it was very hasty and rushed. Because it takes time to carve the monument, their funeral may have been buried before even the monument was erected.
Sometimes I think, alas, why are you in such a hurry? He has worked as hard as we have all his life, but it seems that no one is responsible for him, and it is quite bleak. When we often say "lonely grave", no one will remember you anymore, and no one will come back to see you.
Think of it this way, in fact, it is quite scary to die alone, so you must not die alone.
-5-
Funerals are for the living
In fact, the matter of burial is not as serious as people think. When there are more people coming, it is obvious that some people are fully committed, some people are here to help, and some people are just the kind that is more distant, feeling obviously outsiders, they will smoke and chat there in groups.
Sometimes there will be jokes and laughter, and even jokes about some things about the deceased, just like telling jokes.
For example, when the incense is suddenly extinguished when burning incense, some people will say that the deceased is unwilling to give way; Another time before, the tribute was put on the table, and after kowtowing and finding that the tribute was lost, they would say that they could let the old man eat it.
When buried, few people will be more serious, because there is no standard for how to bury this matter, for example, even if the ashes are thrown on the side of the road, it will not affect the lives of the living. Many people will feel that things about dead people can be taken for a moment.
In this environment, there is less conflict or disagreement. Because people may quarrel before they die, but there is no regret behind them, no matter how good you do and how bad you do, it will not affect either party.
Many people who come will themselves say that funerals are for the living. Because the burial is for the deceased, but the deceased cannot see it, it can only be done for the living.
-6-
This works
Now that I'm familiar with the burial process, I'm still nervous. After all, holding someone else's ashes still has to be taken seriously.
Some graves are particularly deep, we all have to kneel when putting ashes in it, kneeling for a long time knees are also very painful, but try to endure it, no matter what, you have to give people a steady down, at this time the advantage of my arm length is reflected, I especially mind when putting the urn, if the last point left is not reachable, just "when" to put it down, I must not appear that kind of sound, so every time I am very careful.
In the case of "joint burial", we will go in advance to loosen the previously sealed coffin lid, and when it is loose, we will observe the situation of the tomb by the way, and once it is obvious that there are traces of water ingress.
The ashes didn't all float up, but the water had basically gone over the urn. You imagine a fish tank, there is a box inside, the box contains ashes, the box should be wood, feel that the water has been soaked for more than ten years, all soaked in the color of cola, we need to take out the coffin first, clear the water in the tomb, and then put it back.
My mindset was to get the job done, but the other guy couldn't accept it, and he couldn't eat dinner that day. He also said, "I knew that I would do this job when I grew up, and I studied hard back then."
I have never said accept it, do it if you can, as long as you can make money.
This work is just an episode for me, maybe it will become a talking point in the future, I don't think it is of any particular significance, it is the one thing I can do and have to do at the moment.
Don't talk about the sense of achievement of work, like or not, those are too beautiful, most people are not willing to do their work, we are unwilling to compete with life. Honestly, who wants to work? I just wanted to lie down, paralyzed, and on my back.
But I can't let my son pay my debts in the future, to carry some of my own problems. Mentally, I can educate him more and give him more guidance, but financially, if not leave him anything, at least not let him start with negative numbers in the first place.
Lao Wang still has less than 300,000 yuan in debt to pay, and he will continue to run ride-hailing every day after his work in the cemetery, and he only slept 6 hours a night in the two days we filmed.
When I parted, I reminded him to pay attention to his body, but he replied, "Don't worry, the disease has not yet healed, and the body will immediately send a signal as soon as it can't eat." So he always had painkillers in his car.
Lao Wang always told me that it was a pity that if he had not been sick and dropped out of school, he might be a doctor or a lawyer now, and now he had to choose a job that made quick money because of the pressure of life, but he always felt that there should be other possibilities in his life.
I think he will go through this somewhat difficult intersection of life in his own way.
■ Lao Wang, who is driving an online ride-hailing service
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Over the past 5 years, Stories FM has recorded more than 700 stories with sound, and this time, we started a series called "The Junction of Life". By taking you into the lives of more people, we want to record the important choices they make and the stories behind them when they are facing major changes in their lives, or when they stand at the "crossroads of life".
Of course, our protagonists are still those ordinary people, because the stories of ordinary people may also be the stories of you and me.
Staff
Narrator|Lao Wang
Series Planning|Chen Shi
Director/Commentator|Chen Shi
Photography/Editing| Adina
Copywriter|Wang Nanxiang Chen Shi
Operations| Yoyo
Produced by|Sound Story Media "Story FM"
Copyright statement: The content produced by Sound Story Media shall not be copied and reproduced without authorization, otherwise legal responsibility will be pursued.
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