Are you resistant to blind dates?
Two days ago, there was a topic on Weibo: Why do young people now resist blind dates?
There are a lot of young people complaining online below:
Some people say that they hate each other as soon as they come up, just like checking the hukou;
Some people say that marriage is not a transaction, but blind dates are to turn people into commodities;
What's more, it is believed that free love is more noble than blind dates, because only those who compromise and are cornered will choose blind dates.
Is blind date really a "flood beast" that people can't avoid?
01
The standard for blind dates is for people who don't love
Many people don't like the blind date model, in large part because it's so much like a deal that it doesn't fit the definition of love at all.
Houses, cars, and tickets have become the best yardstick to measure a person's value, and the person who may have to spend his life together in the future is ranked last, squeezed in the least worthy corner.
Some time ago, I brushed a very popular post on the Internet "After the thirty-third blind date, I found true love".
It records the beginning and end of a girl's blind date.
She said that she was in good condition, her appearance was a very popular sweet type of boys, although the family was rural, or a single-parent family, but she was a graduate of a famous 985 school and had a high-paying job.
Therefore, her initial mate selection conditions were set very high, requiring boys to match their academic qualifications, at least to be heavy;
The appearance is good, but the height cannot be low, it is best to be above one meter and eight;
Stable work, urban hukou, family to buy a house in the city, but also to have a car;
It can't be a single-parent family, and the mother-in-law can help with the children in the future;
Because the dowry price of the hometown is relatively high, the man must also give enough, starting at 200,000 yuan;
At that time, many people in the comment area said that she "thought too much", but what was surprising was that she had about twenty or thirty boys on blind dates, and each condition was quite in line with her standards.
Unfortunately, none of them made her feel like she wanted to get married.
Later, her posts were more intermittent, until two days ago, she finally announced that her blind date was successful and smoothly off the list.
The marriage partner was very different from her initial standards.
The other party is an ordinary second graduate, worked for a period of time and went to graduate school, and is still a student, and his family is also rural...
But she still married him without hesitation.
At the end of the post, she posted a coded marriage certificate.
"At the beginning, I knew that his conditions almost did not agree to meet, but I was still punched in the face by myself, but I don't regret it because I love him and he loves me.
Meeting him made me believe that all standards are given to those who do not love, and that love is favoritism and privilege.
Bless everyone to meet such a person. ”
02
The mundane blind date hides the truth of marriage
Bi Shumin once said:
"Marriage is not just joy, it is a festival, it is a mutual pleasure, it is life and death, it is still a test, it is a torment; it is a destruction of familiar life and the establishment of a new model, a recombination of both sides that contain wisdom, courage, and will of personality."
Yes, getting married is not a trivial matter, but a crucial exam.
But how many people did not do a good job of premarital homework, thinking that only love can overcome all problems, they hurried into marriage, but found that married life is a chicken feather, passed the test score, regret is too late.
At this time, blind dates are like a "sharp weapon" that is opened before the exam, which can instantly break all the disguises and let you see through the real exam point.
Almost all blind dates cannot escape the assembly line of "questions and answers".
"What kind of work do you do, and how much do you pay?"
"How much does the bride price cost?" Who cares about the money at home? ”
"What type of people do you like?" What do you like to do? ”
……
I once read a saying that when I grew up, the most annoying thing was "making friends", because I didn't even bother to understand myself, I really didn't have the energy, and then let another person understand me.
Not to mention, it's still this kind of understanding like model customization.
But this understanding before falling in love and getting married is not necessarily a bad thing.
A private message was received in the background.
One girl said that she had met a blind date before, who was very good, handsome, and the other party was very gentlemanly, and the chat was never cold, and she would take the initiative to understand her preferences and give her favorite gifts.
She was particularly impressed.
But one thing, let her mind very much, in the three months of their chat, the other party has been in the open and in the dark, revealing their own conditions, such as what the salary is, but also jokingly said that in the future, the salary card is turned in, can you leave some pocket money.
And how much the bride price will be needed, he better prepare in advance.
At that time, she had just graduated from college not long ago, and she still had great illusions about love, thinking that it was too vulgar to talk about these things, and she was not sure, what did the other party mean when he said this?
Doesn't it look like a show off, is it a hint that you don't meet his standards?
Therefore, Xiang, who has a strong sense of respect, intentionally or unintentionally alienated the other party.
The boy was also a smart guy, and they gradually broke off contact.
Later, she also fell in love, and the other party would say a lot of love words that she liked to hear, and would talk to her about life and ideals, but she had always avoided talking about marriage.
It was hard to finally say that he wanted to get married, and he lost it because of money.
Later, she found that the boy who had been impressed with her had posted a wedding photo in the circle of friends.
She suddenly felt as if she had missed something.
But it was too late.
03
The love that is screened out is also love
Read a sentence:
The love I look forward to is a casual encounter, a collision of souls, not a blind date where you come and go, screen each other, be selected by others, and pick others.
Last year, there was a controversial "985 Blind Date Bureau".
As the name suggests, the minimum entry threshold for this blind date bureau is 985 schools, and even "Qingbei resumption", and has set up a set of high-standard screening mechanisms to marry only those who are screened out.
Therefore, some people say that there is no love in the 985 blind date bureau.
Indeed, love should not be a simple academic screening, but a thrill for two people.
But love does not wait in place, but also needs to take the initiative and even "deliberately" screen.
There is a saying on the Internet:
In our lifetime, we have to rub shoulders with thousands of people, but in the vast sea of people, there are only a few that are really suitable.
Friend Xiao'an was once also a believer that love needs intuition, and all deliberate arrangements are not what love should look like.
So at one point she was resistant to blind dates.
Although I was hindered by the affection of friends or relatives, I added the other party's WeChat, but I almost never talked.
Until one time, she met a person who could talk to through travel.
When she wanted to add WeChat, she found that the other party was already lying on her friends list.
It turned out that the boy she liked was the senior of one of her friends, and at that time, her friend felt that the two people had common interests and hobbies, and the conditions for choosing a mate were more in line, so they wanted to put them together as a couple.
Unexpectedly, the two of them kept putting each other in the corner to grow ash, and they didn't even think about getting to know each other.
Xiao An felt annoyed and funny, but fortunately, although they missed two years of time, they still met.
04
As the old saying goes, all roads lead to Rome.
If marriage is also the ancient city of Rome where you want to punch, whether it is free love or blind date introduction, it is just one of the paths, and there is no distinction between high and low.
Free love sometimes goes its separate ways, blind dates and marriages may be white-headed, the key is whether the person you choose is worth it.
As Yan Zhen wrote in "The Water of the Waves":
"There is no best choice in life, any choice has to pay a price, the whole question is what kind of price you are willing to pay." 」
May we all be on the road, meet a like-minded travel companion, no missed, no regrets, no regrets.