2023 has arrived, and at the beginning of the new year, we often have big and small wishes and set a flag that we want to accomplish.
It's easy to set up a flag, but it's hard to realize a plan. According to a study in Scranton in the United States, only 8% of people can achieve their New Year's resolutions.
Therefore, most people find that New Year's resolutions often become decorations at the moment they are written, and most of the goals are not achieved, becoming their own face-slapping plans.
At the beginning of each year, ambitious and enthusiastic planning begins, and then a year begins to lay down. The goal written down every year seems to be to type "×" next to it at the end of the year, which is meaningless, and will only make you dislike yourself.
Psychologists say: you are not alone, most people are just as difficult as you to complete their New Year's resolutions, there is scientific truth in this.
The essence of New Year's resolutions is actually "change". We are a little dissatisfied with who we are now, so we hope to achieve a "better version" of ourselves by doing something, and we want change to happen.
But from a psychological point of view, change itself is a very difficult thing (you can think about how many times you have made up your mind to never stay up late again, but you still can't do it). ）
Specifically, there are generally the following four reasons for preventing change from occurring:
01
Setting a plan is not something you really want to change
If you go to the Internet and look at the list of New Year's flags posted by others, you will find that there will be about 80% overlap rate with your own list. Weight loss or exercise, healthy diet, hard work/study, a certain amount of exercise/study time every day, early bedtime and early rising, regular schedule...
When we set these flags, we rarely think about whether this is something we really want to change.
It's more like a pandering to social expectations, everyone wants this, or a healthy life is like this, so we ourselves include these when writing plans, as our own New Year's resolutions, our own things to change.
But in fact, such a plan does not motivate us to change, and there is still a big gap between "wanting to do" and "really doing it".
02
New Year's resolutions are vaguely summarized
When we write down plans that are vaguely summarized, it means that the direction of our actions will also be unclear and hinder our own pace of change. This is the case with the New Year's flag, which is easy to fall.
For example, we will say that we should make money in the new year, study more, improve ourselves, be healthy, and become a better version of ourselves...
The concrete implementation of these plans actually requires us to work hard in all aspects; And a general goal can not clarify the steps we take to achieve the goal, but also greatly reduce our motivation to act.
03
The goal is too high
In fact, many times we also understand in our hearts that the probability of achieving these planned goals we write down is very low.
It does place our good expectations for the new year, but the flag stands too high and does not match our own ability, and the wish becomes a regret left for us every year.
For example, Xiao A, who has a large weight base and has never exercised, hopes to train the vest line within 1 month. For example, Little B, who has poor academic performance and poor foundation, hopes to achieve the top five rankings in the class in a week.
While ambition is great, if it is detached from the basics of reality, not only does it not work, but it can damage self-esteem because it is far from being achieved, and people will return to old patterns of behavior.
04
The impact of the environment is ignored
Many people want to make a change on the one hand, but on the other hand, they put themselves in a tempting environment, which makes it more difficult to change.
For example, if you want to make up for your professional knowledge, you don't go to a library or classroom with a learning atmosphere, but in a dormitory where other roommates are watching the play;
For example, if you want to lose weight and make a plan to eat only boiled greens and eggs for dinner, but the family members who live with you are all big fish and meat, it is difficult for you to avoid the "temptation" of food.
So how can you formulate it so that you can inspire your own action and achieve real change?
01
Set a target plan that has these elements
1) Concrete: The goal can be ambitious, but the steps to achieve it must be detailed.
So, cross out the grand goals in your book and break them down into small ones!
For example, if you want to study more, it is best to write down what you want to learn in a week and the length of time you need to study.
2) Measurable: Sometimes, we have goals that cannot be quantified.
Without clear and objective indicators such as academic performance and weight, it is indeed difficult to measure how much you have accomplished.
At this time, we can record our changes in some ways and translate them into measurable results.
For example, if you want to read more to enrich yourself, but this is not measured by weight loss like losing weight, you can also choose to write a reading note to yourself after reading a book to record your feelings and thoughts.
When we can see our clear change process and approach the goal step by step, we can inspire ourselves to have greater motivation to persevere.
3) Achievable: Unattainable goals can easily undermine our self-confidence, affect our sense of accomplishment, and inhibit our motivation to act.
For example, instead of setting the money to buy a house in the next 5 years, start with the goal that you can save 1,000 years a month.
4) Relate to ourselves, what we really want to change: When we set goals that are closely related to our lives, we will be more likely to stick to them.
Just like a student's plan for your learning goals, if a teacher or parent asks you how many students you want to get this year, you may try hard when your parents urge you, and you usually don't stick to it.
But if you ask yourself how many places you want to rank in the game, your chances of sticking with it may be higher than the former.
02
Start with your own habit loop,
Identify the psychological factors that really prevent you from changing
In order for the plan to be realized, in addition to the goal to be scientific and objective, action is also essential.
To develop a good habit or change a bad habit, we need to have a certain understanding of the formation of habits.
In psychology, the division of habits into three parts: motivation, behavior, and reward, combined to become our habit circuit.
For example, if we want to change our habit of staying up late, the first step is to find out our motivation for staying up late, such as the anxiety that we will not achieve anything during the day, then the reward brought by staying up late is to extend our waking time to make ourselves feel that the day is not so quickly over, and relieve our anxiety.
This kind of analysis can make us clear why we have bad habits, and after identifying the motivations, we can try to find other alternative solutions to help us change our bad habits.
For example, when you want to stay up late again, when the emptiness and anxiety are about to invade your heart again, it is better to think about what you have done today and what you have to do tomorrow.
Specific and subtle things can give us a solid sense of happiness and certainty; Avoid thinking that you haven't done anything, and watching others share your successful and fulfilling life online, spurning yourself even more, and making yourself more sleepless.
Of course, the motivation behind some bad habits is complex and secret, and each person will show different situations, and simple analysis may be difficult to capture the inner feelings.
We can also find out the crux of the problem by learning more information, being more aware of our emotions at ordinary times, or finding a professional psychological counselor to see the psychological causes behind the behavior from a professional and objective perspective.
New Year's resolutions are not only a sign of our good expectations for the new year, but also a reminder to motivate us to continue to work hard.
I wish you all to set a flag, have new changes and reap new results in the new year.
▎This article is the original article of the center, please indicate the source when reprinting, and the company reserves the right to pursue users without permission.