He Suohuan, a writer of gender-emotional psychology, writes sentient stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
"Summer worms cannot speak ice, and well frogs cannot speak of the sea".
The meaning of this sentence is:
We can't talk to the insects that only survive in the summer, tell the snow and beauty of winter; we can't talk to the frogs living at the bottom of the well to describe the majesty of the sea.
Applied to social, it can be understood as: a person who is biased from cognition cannot communicate seriously; he does not understand you, and you cannot convince him.
Taoism is not a conspiracy, it is a means of socializing.
In interpersonal communication, we will hate a person and be hated by people, which is a very normal phenomenon.
Why do we hate a person?
Factors including internal and external factors.
Only by solving the internal and external causes can we learn how to get along with nasty people.
-01
Hate one's internal and external factors
Internal factors:
It's mainly the ego factor, the subconscious thoughts in our hearts, the thoughts that come with us subconsciously, that cause us to dislike each other from the start.
There is a saying that goes like this:
"The person you hate at first glance, in the next process of getting along, it is difficult to have a good feeling for him." 」
To explain it from a psychological point of view, this is called "cognitive bias".
In your subconscious mind or in your past experiences, you have encountered people or things that make you hate.
As a result, this memory is opened when you meet the other person, making you involuntarily hate the other person.
For example:
You've been hurt before, and the person just happens to look a lot like that person.
At this point, subconsciously, you send a signal like you", "Hate him".
So, in the next relationship, you really hate him.
This is how the subconscious mind behaves in social interactions.
External factors:
External factors can be understood as some of his behaviors and performances that you cannot accept when you get along with the other party.
This is directly related to living habits, behavior patterns, differences in concepts, etc.
For example:
You and the other party are colleagues, but on weekdays he always likes to take advantage and say bad things about you behind your back.
His behavior causes you to resent and resent, so you hate him, which is a normal phenomenon.
Another reason is that your perceptions are different or have become opposites.
You can't get used to his style, and he hates your behavior.
Hating each other, but having to maintain superficial politeness, this is the most torturous.
-02
How do we get along with nasty people?
First: Seek common ground while reserving differences, harmony and difference
These two words can be understood like this:
Acknowledging each other's flaws, acknowledging each other's shortcomings, but not necessarily having to show them.
Since we are in the same circle and cannot avoid contact with each other, we only need to maintain the most basic superficial courtesy.
You have interests with the other party and can't just get rid of the relationship, how to break up at this time? Unrealistic.
If you are on the weak side, you should take into account the "judging the situation".
The wisdom of adults is restraint and reason; if everything comes from one's own nature, although frank, it is contrary to the actual situation in real life.
To be superficially polite, there is not much contact, and this is enough.
There is no need to put hate on his face, no need to turn his face, just as if the person exists in the air.
Psychologically speaking:
Hate a person, the best response is: indifference.
No matter what he does, it has nothing to do with you; no matter what he says, you just need to laugh and not respond; if you don't respond to his performance and don't pay attention to everything about him, you will naturally have a lot less trouble in your heart.
Second: Reduce contact and let time wash away the relationship
On the "strong" side, there is more confidence in socializing to choose their own circle.
Because he has the confidence and strength, he is not afraid to end a relationship directly with others, and he will not worry about any consequences.
But for ordinary people, it is often the attitude of "looking down and not looking up".
If you have some scruples, you will naturally be afraid of your hands and feet, and you will not be able to do something at will.
So, if you hate a person, reduce contact with the other person.
Do not take the initiative to chat, do not accept dinner, do not accept the other party's invitation.
Over time, he will understand your intentions.
Adult social relationships, many times do not need to say too much, just give each other some hints, everyone will understand.
Not everyone has a pattern of "not saying, not listening, not commenting, not angry, not mourning".
Therefore, it is enough for us to maintain superficial etiquette on the basis of maintaining distance.
The rest is left to time, and time can naturally break up the unreliable relationship.
Today's Topic:
How do you get along with "nasty people"?
(Article with picture source network)