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Previously, Ai Fukuhara talked about the reasons for divorcing her ex-husband, saying that her ex-husband did not spoil herself as a princess, and in getting along with her ex-husband, she lost herself. The outside world defines her as a small woman, which also makes her feel uncomfortable with marriage.
Ai Fukuhara once said, "A person who truly loves you can make you yourself, you can re-examine yourself, and you can release your heart." ”
However, she loved table tennis and announced her retirement after marriage, making breakfast for her in-laws at home, cleaning, and having children. Such a life made her feel free inside and felt extremely painful.
A marriage that looks happy to the outside world is a painful existence in the eyes of the parties.
Marriage is like shoes, only the person who wears it can feel whether it is comfortable or not.
Bi Shumin once said: "No matter what kind of shoes, the most important thing is to fit the foot; no matter what kind of marriage, the most wonderful thing is harmony." ”
Marriage is a siege city, the people in the city want to escape because they are unhappy, and the people outside the city are eager to enter when they hear about the beauty.
The moment you decide to enter marriage, everyone expects that the person in front of them is right, and life after marriage is happy. However, married life does not become happy just because of one's expectations.
Unhappy marriages have their own unhappiness, while happy marriages have freedom.
Freedom of love
I once saw such a video in the "Love Defense War" program:
There is an old husband and wife who have been married for 28 years, and the wife loves to dance, and outside of taking care of the family, she always goes out to dance.
The husband does not like to dance, and stops his wife from dancing on the grounds that "dancing at an old age is humiliating".
In order to suppress the enthusiasm of the wife, the husband often speaks ill of him. This makes the wife feel that she is not respected and gives rise to the idea of divorce.
When a person's hobbies cannot be supported and respected by the pillow person, they cannot feel the happiness of marriage.
Osamu Dazai wrote in The Human Disqualification: "A thousand kinds of disgust give birth to a hobby." ”
Hobbies are not a casual thing, and having a hobby is very happy in itself.
In marriage, if the husband and wife have the same hobbies, it is easy for the two to compose happiness together.
But in life, two people who enter into marriage are not necessarily lucky enough to have the same hobbies. Instead of bothering to change others, it is better to fulfill other people's hobbies.
"Drama Queen" Xin Fengxia and "Opera Prodigy" Wu Zuguang, one loves to sing, one loves to write. After getting married, Xin Fengxia was still active on the stage of "commentary", and Wu Zuguang immersed herself in creation.
At that time, the critics were considered to be singing "obscene dramas", but Wu Zuguang frankly supported his wife's hobbies and never asked her to give up. Xin Fengxia, on the other hand, took care of all kinds of life chores so that her husband could concentrate on writing.
Because of their different origins, their marriage was not favored, but the two created a happy marriage with a good reputation at home and abroad.
Two people with different hobbies, while giving each other freedom, harvested a happy marriage.
Stephen King once said, "Everyone needs a hobby, and everyone needs a miracle or two, just to prove that life is not just a long trek from cradle to grave." ”
In married life, supporting each other's hobbies is supporting each other to live in a happy way.
To give each other a love of freedom is to give respect to the other person and to give the other person a promise of happiness.
Freedom to talk about money
After the girlfriend gave birth, she was forced to quit her job as a stay-at-home mother. Raising the children quickly ran out of her personal savings, and the girlfriend had to open her mouth to her husband for living expenses.
The husband symbolically gave two thousand yuan a month, and the girlfriend said that the living expenses were not enough, but the husband refused on the grounds that he did not earn much.
After marriage, the girlfriend never asked her husband about her income, and could only keep asking about her husband's salary and expenses, but every time her husband refused to answer on the grounds of "money is earned by me", only telling her to save some money.
Girlfriends save money on clothes, shoes and skin care products, but even buying gifts for their parents during the New Year's Festival has become a luxury.
Later, every time money was mentioned, the girlfriend and husband would quarrel, and the marriage of the two eventually ended in divorce.
I once read such a sentence: "90% of the world's problems can be solved with money, and the remaining 10% can also be alleviated with money." ”
The siege of marriage, often in the name of love, and finally implemented in the chai rice oil salt sauce vinegar tea, are inseparable from money.
Therefore, in marriage, we are not afraid to talk about money, and to talk about money is to seek a life and draw a future.
Studies have shown that marriages that talk about money are more likely to make people feel happy.
Between 2015 and 2016, Toronto's TD Bank followed 1,902 adults.
The study found that only 50 percent of partners who only talked about money once a month were happy; 78 percent of those who talked to their partner about money at least once a week were happy. And partners who talk about money more often are happier.
In marriage, talking about money will not hurt feelings, and not talking about money will make the marriage bury the hidden dangers of misfortune.
Tu Lei once mentioned in the show: "Men are roughly divided into two types, one is to dislike women to talk to him about money, and the other is to take the initiative to talk to women about money." ”
In marriage, the man who talks to you about money is the one who can give you happiness.
Half of marriage is love and half money. Without the freedom to talk about money, the marriage collapses in half, and this half that collapses will engulf the other half and eventually destroy the marriage.
A good marriage requires the freedom to talk about money.
Freedom to grow up
After entering marriage, self-growth is a very important thing.
In marriage, two people who can support each other and grow up together must be able to appreciate the beauty of life better than others.
Qian Xuesen, the "father of missiles," has been studying missiles for 30 years and has made major contributions to the motherland.
Scientific research work is very boring, and the pressure is extremely high, even so, Qian Xuesen has never asked his wife Jiang Ying to be a full-time wife to take care of the family.
While jiang Ying accompanied Qian Xuesen with music, she also continued to grow, eventually becoming "China's most outstanding female vocal educator" and the world-renowned "soprano singer".
They never gave up their own growth in their married life, gained a better version of themselves along the way, and won a happy marriage.
In marriage, people who are able to achieve self-growth are lucky.
The rapid growth of one party must be inseparable from the support and dedication of the other party. Only two people who support each other and grow together can meet a better one and harvest a good marriage at the same time.
Football star David Beckham and his wife Victoria have walked hand in hand through more than 20 years of marriage, a hairy boy who never understands the world to one of the world's top stars, a small-town girl who has just entered the music world to a fashion queen who is second to none across the show business world.
Victoria once said that in marriage, both of them can make each other better people, and their two communities are better than individuals.
In marriage, the couple needs to share responsibilities and grow up together. Marriages that prevent each other from growing up for any reason are doomed to unhappiness.
Sanmao said: "Sometimes marriage can also make a woman lose herself, otherwise, there should be many outstanding women in the world." ”
Women who enter marriage also have growth needs, and should not just blindly pay for the family.
Because, giving up self-growth is giving up the value of life.
A good marriage is about making each other better people.
A marriage with the freedom to grow up must have a partner who dares to take responsibility and is willing to pay. Together with such a partner, there is a chance to create a happy marriage.
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Bavary Nix said, "Marriage is a book, the first is written in psalms, and the rest is plain prose." ”
Marriage, in the plain as water hides the deep affection of the bones and bones, in the habit of hiding the symbiosis of each other.
Husband and wife coexisting in marriage are a trust to each other's lives and a healing of each other's souls.
The happiness of marriage is not in romance, but in just the right amount of freedom.