People often ask the question: What is the difference between American education and Chinese education? How to reform education in China? There may be many differences in education between China and the United States, but everyone ignores an important problem of Chinese education: the lack of family education.
What is the main manifestation of everyone's dissatisfaction with education? It is nothing more than the children's problems, that is, the current students are fragile, have poor ability to resist setbacks, often run away from home, or take their lives lightly; they only know how to do problems, their creativity is poor, their ability to solve practical problems is poor; they are too selfish, their ability to unite and cooperate is insufficient, and so on. These boil down to being human.
Parents are the child's first teacher and the most important teacher, but at present, Chinese parents are seriously missing in this regard.
What is tutoring? It is the words and deeds of parents to their children, often reflected in non-intellectual factors. For example, gratitude, respect for others, basic rules, etc., are actually to make children a qualified social person. What kind of person a child becomes, in a way, depends first and foremost on the parents.
But unfortunately, parents do not pay much attention to this, let alone the correct educational concept and talent concept. When it comes to tutoring, it becomes spending money on teachers to teach cultural lessons, rather than parents practicing it. Chinese parents are very willing to spend money on their children's education, and they do not hesitate to smash pots and sell iron, but they forget their responsibilities and efforts. What's more, some powerful and wealthy people, exchanging money for responsibility, spend huge sums of money to let children study abroad alone when their children are very young, ostensibly contributing to their children, but in fact it is irresponsible.
When a child has a problem, we often blame the school and society, rather than reflecting on ourselves. When we complain about test-taking education, do we reflect on ourselves as active promoters? Are your children forced to enroll in a lot of tutoring classes? When we accuse social disorder, do we set an example for our children?
If it is not engaged in specialized research work, then most of the knowledge learned in school will be forgotten, but collaboration, gratitude, creativity, imagination, endurance, introspection, etc., will eventually settle down, and in these aspects of education, parents can and should play a greater role.
The education system and philosophy in the United States are not perfect, and in the United States, parents are not satisfied because of educational philosophy, and about 2.6 million students are home-schooled. 7% of the top 10 universities in the U.S. come from this type of student. Parents are using their own strength to adjust and correct their dissatisfaction with American education.
No education system or philosophy in the world is perfect, and neither is the United States. Everyone feels that there are many problems in China's education at present, the government and public opinion are reflecting and reviewing, trying to solve this problem, and many Chinese experts often talk about how good American education is. It is true that education in the United States has its advanced things in concepts and methods, and there are places worth learning, but I think that while learning from the experience of the United States, Chinese parents should first make up for the lesson of family education; education reform should first start with changing parents, so that parents can understand their responsibilities, establish a correct concept of talent, and truly know how to guide their children to grow into talents.
From the perspective of the world, for cultivating an excellent person, there is no essential difference in concepts and practices, such as paying, such as strict norms and requirements, being friendly to others, knowing how to be grateful, and so on. Therefore, we do not need to talk about the United States at every turn, but we should first inherit the excellent educational concepts of our own people and carry forward the correct concept of family education. Only when parents are in place and the correct concepts are in place will China's education problems be fundamentally changed.
01 The reason why parents are not concerned about family education
1. Think that children's education is a matter of the school, and has little to do with their own education or not;
2. Think that they are busy, physically and mentally haggard, have no time to take care of their children's learning, and lack of mental strength;
3. Think that family education is an empty theory, it sounds good, and it doesn't work when used;
4. Think that the tree is naturally straight, let the child flow freely, go with the flow, and ask not much;
5. Think that family education is the education of learning, and the education of learning is to do homework and attend cram schools.
6. Think that family education is to let children go to various tutoring classes, music, art, playing piano, etc.
7. Think that family education is to make requirements, as for how to learn, do not know, and are not willing to explore.
In fact, family education is the education of children's life growth, that is, to let children have the awareness of learning, good at learning, living, good at life, getting along, good at getting along, and willing to practice and explore. Family education is the education of "roots", the education of "soul", only "strong roots", "good heart", good state, can "thick branches and leaves fat", this is just "crops to raise roots, educate people to nourish the heart" ah!
02 What makes a good parent?
The first level: willing to spend money on children.
The second level: willing to spend time for children.
The third level: parents begin to think about the goal of education.
The fourth level: parents improve and improve themselves in order to educate their children.
The fifth level: Parents do their best to support and encourage their children to become their best selves, and also to lead by example to support their children to become their true selves.
Seeing this, do you feel that you should learn and improve yourself?
03 How to be a good friend and psychologist for your child?
(1) Parents must first understand their children, and on the basis of understanding, they can understand them and help them.
To understand, we must be good at listening to their voices and communicating with them. Parents should encourage their children to speak out about their inner joys and sorrows and patiently listen to their judgments about what is happening around them or what is happening. Try not to interrupt as much as possible in the process of their narration, and do not rush to criticize or evaluate.
When they're done, you give an overview of his words in very concise language and help him sort out his train of thought. This is not only the respect he has gained, but also helped them to clarify their own thinking, and enhance the respect and trust of parents in mutual understanding and communication. On the basis of interpersonal communication, parents should also train children to learn to communicate with themselves, psychologically called internal communication, that is, to encourage children to often talk to themselves (dialogue in the mind), that is, to jump out of their own roles, to look at themselves from another perspective, and to motivate themselves.
Judging from the current family situation, many parents are not good at parent-child communication, and now children do not like parents' nagging, which has become a common phenomenon. Parents out of good intentions, constantly repeat simple language, the same old questioning, such as homework done, how to test scores, etc., from primary school to high school every year, month by month, every day, thinking that this is the fulfillment of parental responsibility, in fact, often backfire, this monotonous stimulation, preaching method, so that children are easy to cause boredom and disgust, resulting in reverse psychology, in the form of expression may often show confrontational nature.
Parents should understand their children, guide and help their children, first of all, they must conscientiously study the knowledge of tutoring to improve the art of tutoring; speak to children, think rationally and do not blame and complain; although the instructions are important, they must talk about the point; they must rest assured that the children, rest assured that the children will do it, do wrong, learn lessons, and nothing more than spend some "tuition"; the management should put forward specific ideas and requirements, do the post-inspection, affirm the results, and correct the deficiencies.
(2) Be good at expressing your feelings.
This is also one of the ways to help children eliminate confusion. Modern children enjoy and acquire too much, they can only accept love, a slightly heavier word of the parents, they feel that they can't stand it, they sulk, they lose their temper, so the parents dare not show their dissatisfaction again. In fact, this does not produce successful talents.
The psychological basis of successful talents can be expressed as follows: successful talents = cognitive ability× emotional ability× behavioral ability. Emotional ability is even more important. If the child can only listen to praise, can only hold and hold, it is difficult to succeed.
When expressing emotions, encourage your child more, not replace it. I often hear parents say bitterly: The child is now in high school, in the past he could not do the homework, I can still teach him, now so many classes, I can no longer do it all. I can't afford to ask a tutor so much!
As a result, parents can no longer help in learning, so they do everything possible to "help them" in other aspects. "Go, go, go, do your homework, these things don't you want to do." This is a phrase often said by parents of high school students, as if this is "love".
In fact, the result of this will only suppress the child's development, will only make the child feel bored and boring in life, so that they lose the motivation of behavior, and they are in a depression and boredom all day long. A truly successful person should also be a person who can live, if he can only read and cannot live, how can he stand in society?
(3) While being a friend of your child, don't forget that you are still your child's parent and a role model for them to live and learn.
This line must not be blurred! President of an American Youth Research Association, John M. Dr. Coleman believes that many of the behaviors of children are related to changes in adult behavior. He said adults are increasingly open to their habits, emotions and worries, children often follow the example of adults, and the lines between adults and children have blurred. This partly explains why children behave badly.
To be a child's teacher and psychologist, parents should pay attention to the role of their own role models and be self-disciplined. We often see that some parents want their children to study well, but they never study, and even cheat when they want to promote the exam; parents want their children to be honest, but they often lie; parents want their children to pay attention to hygiene, but they do not pay attention to hygiene.
Psychological counseling staff often find that a lot of children's confusion comes from the behavior of parents, and they will be very confused and ask: Why are adults so "fake"? In order to reduce this kind of confusion in children, parents must strengthen their own self-cultivation. What you ask your child to do, you must do first.
(4) Help children learn to communicate.
Psychology proposes a theory of interaction analysis called PAC analysis theory. It tells us that each person's personality is made up of three mental states, namely: the "parent", "adult" and "child" states. The state of "parent" is marked by authority and superiority, and usually interacts with people in a reprimanding, authoritative tone and behavior. They always speak "you should..." "You can't..." "You must...".
The adult state shows objective reason, and this kind of person's behavior is to treat others calmly, think deeply and clearly, and respect others. This kind of person just talks: "My personal idea is..."
The "child" state is like a child's impulsiveness, manifested by obedience and at the mercy of others. This kind of person always speaks of "I guess..." "I don't know...".
The ideal state of interaction with children is "adult stimulation" and "adult response". This means that when we talk to our children, we should be calm, we should be as rational as possible, and we should respect each other so that the dialogue can continue.
(5) Teach children to appreciate themselves and accept themselves.
Man is not perfect, nor is he useless. We often find that the same group of people admire a painting, some people praise it, and some people think it is worthless. The reason for this is only that people's views and ideas are different, and this painting has not changed. We people are even more so, the same person, some people will say hello, some people will say you are not good, such as because of others a word of praise and disparagement, they will oscillate their own emotions, then, you will be driven by emotions, will fall into the "emotional vortex" .
We have to be emotional masters. We should use our example and sincere encouragement to our children to help them gradually learn to be independent emotionally, to be able to enjoy life in any situation, and to be soberly aware of their strengths and weaknesses. Have the confidence to catch up with the shortcomings and dare to show their strengths. Believe that you must be a valuable person, a successful person.
(6) Help children learn to catharsis.
When the child has bad emotions, you should help him learn to vent, or let him go to the playground to run, or sing a song, or talk to someone he trusts, all of which must make the child clearly cathartic to choose a suitable environment, the right person.
Today's children live in a fortunate era that has more opportunities, a better learning environment, and a more stable and prosperous life than the era in which their predecessors lived. However, this era has put forward higher and stricter requirements for them, and they are not only faced with the challenge of ever-changing scientific and technological knowledge, but also the challenge of their own psychological ability, and they must have good psychological quality, especially to withstand the test of competition and setbacks.
However, many children are often depressed about a small thing, they can because of their looks, for their achievements, for their failures, for themselves... And so upset that you can't accept yourself. The reason for all this is that children have a fog in their hearts, because they still lack good psychological quality.
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