Keywords: gender identity
Q: A person's best state is hermaphrodite, so does it need to identify with and live out their biological sex before developing a hermaphrodite state?
For example, a woman must first identify with and live out her female identity, and then develop hermaphrodites, like a female man is a fake hermaphrodite state.
Cold Love Reply:
I can feel the confusion of the female protagonist for gender identity and the desire for hermaphroditism. Presumably many people have similar confusion and longing.
From the perspective of [mission psychology], the overall framework of life planning is eight words: "from scratch to have, from there to fit".
And the female man is actually an illusion in the process of starting from scratch, how to understand this sentence? We break it down into two parts:
First, what is from scratch?
A child belongs to infancy at the age of 0 to 3 years; in the stage of 3 to 7 years old, it belongs to the early childhood stage, and as a whole completes the basic construction of self-identity, knowing what her name is and who she is; in the stage of 7 to 14 years old and longer adolescence, she will complete the social structure of the entire gender.
Sex is innate, but gender is acquired, and it's society that tells them what to do. Gender is the result of social construction.
For example, in the face of a girl, someone will say to her, "You need to play with dolls"; in the face of a boy, someone will say to him, "You are wrong to wear lipstick", "You are very feminine in a skirt", "When did you start to go to the bathroom with your mother", and so on.
Above I'm just giving some examples. This series of processes is a social construction from micro to macro, that is, from the original family to relatives and friends, schools, and then to the society of the all-round construction process.
In the process of building, some people will build very smoothly, and then fully accept their gender from scratch, but there are also some people who build very smoothly.
For example, a girl born in a patriarchal family, her parents do not agree with her gender, will give her some names that suppress her gender itself.
In the case of not recognizing their gender, they are so suppressed, gender growth is definitely distorted, so they become tomboys and women.
The so-called tomboys and female men are not really hermaphrodites, but a gender mask, and even a gender distortion. Because you can't be a female, you compete as a male.
Gender identity is a long process. Some people may not be able to agree with it all their lives, and some people will work hard through the day after tomorrow and then say: "Well, anyway, my girl can't be a girl, I recognize myself as a same-sex person now." ”
This way of identifying at least completes the consistency, no longer awkwardly thinking "I am a girl, but not acknowledging that I am a girl".
One of the important characteristics of the mature "big self" is consistency, that is, what is thought in the heart, what is said in the mouth, and what is actually done is consistent in all aspects.
Most women, tomboys, or so-called strong women are still in a state of inconsistency, and many people do not know that they are in a state of inconsistency, and they do not know that they do not know.
But all those who do not know that they do not know are "nothing", they do not have their own. They are easy to tangle and feel uncomfortable in their feelings and work, which is actually very regrettable.
Therefore, our team has always had a direction to strive for: to help everyone find themselves, truly have themselves, and achieve from "nothing" to "have".
The process of starting from scratch is so strange that some people are still in the process of healing and identifying.
But only by identifying with one's own gender, thinking in the heart, saying what you say, and doing in practice, can life reach the mature stage of "being".
Second, what is from being there to being together? What are true hermaphrodites?
The requirements of "from being to being together" are extremely high, and there are only a very few in our population, because this process requires enlightenment, it needs to transcend dualistic opposites.
What is transcendent duality?
Male and female, male and female, are themselves a construct of binary opposition. To transcend duality is to transcend gender.
Now all the psychology of sex and gender is stuck in a dead end, and in the end it has to divide people into men or women.
For example, there are some more radical sex and gender researchers in Europe and the United States, who have divided people's gender into about dozens of types, and the more radical ones may have more than 50 kinds of gender identity.
Their differentiation process is endless, and in the end, every individual can claim that my Xiaopan is a "Pan gender", your Xiaofang is a "Fang gender", and his Xiaozhang is a "Zhang gender". In this way gender identity becomes infinite, so this is a road with no end.
And to continue in this way is a wrong direction, and it will move in the direction of the infinite "small self".
If you want to solve this mistake, you must divert your personal attention, do not look outward and inward; do not look at the "small self" and look at the "big me" to have a solution. The so-called "ego" refers to the self that is not mature enough. The so-called "big self" refers to the development of a mature self.
Much of today's emotional problems come from gender antagonisms.
Treating each other as another gender that competes and cooperates with themselves, such as "I am a girl, he is a boy, he is going to take advantage of me", "I am a boy, I feel that I am with a girl, I take advantage of her", these are fierce gender confrontations.
For example, the bride price, the house, whose surname the child is with, etc., are actually an infinite number of "small me" problems. The suffering in the world is temporary, and the suffering is created by the "ego".
The "ego" is opposed, and the opposition between sex and gender is also created. And the ultimate solution is to go beyond gender.
For everyone to better understand, let me give you another example:
When a girl thinks that a boy is not manly, it means that she is in a state of distress.
At this time, even if the boy does a good job of housework, she will say: "What is the use of you staying at home all day?" What do I want you to do with a man? Are you still not a man? ”
Why does this emotional problem arise? Because she has a judgment about the male role and an expectation for the future of the other party.
But the basic criterion of unity wisdom is that we live in the present, which means that we cannot expect anything from the other person's future.
If we live in the present moment and look at problems without judgment and beyond dualistic opposites, we will not judge the other person's behavior as not in line with manhood. Are men and women inherently human? Shouldn't it be a return to human nature?
Or if we accept and surrender unconditionally to the vagaries of the world, shouldn't we accept everything from the other? Is doing a good job of housework a form of acceptance and surrender?
This example is to illustrate in a directional way that one can learn the wisdom of unity if one can live in the present moment without judgment, with concentration, and accept impermanence with a surrendered attitude.
If you can connect the high-dimensional wisdom and connect the "presence" state, the problems encountered are not actually problems.
For example, if our heart is an ocean, then all problems are icebergs in the ocean.
The traditional way to solve these emotional problems is to find icebergs, take a small axe to knock them all out, and the ocean will return to calm. But these icebergs cannot be beaten, because every day it freezes, and every day a new iceberg will emerge.
What is the practice of Unity Wisdom in this regard?
Unity wisdom is not to take a small axe to knock out the iceberg, but to raise the temperature by 3 or 5 degrees as a whole, and all the icebergs will melt into water, and there is no way to freeze again.
The problem may be better solved than hitting the iceberg every day, transcending the binary opposition and using a more macroscopic increase in temperature and dimensionality reduction.
Problems encountered in the second dimension must be solved in the third dimension.
Therefore, in order to solve the problem of gender antagonism, we must upgrade to the third dimension.
In summary, I will make a summary: from the framework of [mission psychology], what is the issue of gender?
In the process of starting from scratch, a person starts from having no "ego", no self-identification, and no gender identity to "having" gender identity.
For example, a woman lives out as a woman, blooming and wonderful. She will love herself, know what a woman is like, have all the true power of a woman, accept herself, love beauty, and appreciate her own beauty.
From the process of existence to union, she will grasp the power of men or the power of all sex, at which time she will take risks and reward and punish.
In the same way, a man in the process of starting from nothing, but also first live out the appearance of a man; in the process of from existence to fit, he will grasp the power of women or the power of the whole sex, then he will tolerate and accept each other.
Hermaphroditism is a goal that both men and women can pursue. Whether a man or a woman, when he comes to the wisdom of unity, he will have both feminine and masculine strength, and female strength and male power will merge. And both of these powers are at ease, and they know when and how to love others.
When the other party needs a sense of security, he will love and accept the other party without reservation;
When the other party needs rules, he will know when to reward and when to punish.
Oneness of love is the best because hermaphrodite love is perfect.
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