Some time ago, Chen Xiaochun was on the hot search again.
This hot search is because of a fragment related to legal knowledge.
In the variety show "Our Piping Hot Life" that Chen Xiaochun participated in, there is such a question: between husband and wife, lovers, peeking at each other's mobile phones, is it illegal?
Soon, the lawyer gave the answer: peeking at a partner's mobile phone without permission may constitute a violation of the law. Because as citizens, we all have a right to privacy. No one or organization may infringe on the privacy of others.
Between partners, we still have to respect each other's privacy rights.
This program is very grounded to popularize legal knowledge to the audience.
Image source: Screenshot of Weibo
But the funny thing is that after Chen Xiaochun heard this answer, he asked incoherently: What? Is this true? ...... My wife looks at my phone, will it be illegal?
Netizens said that a look at ChunGe's mobile phone is often peeked at.
After the hot search, Ying Cai'er generously replied on Weibo, saying that she did not need to peek, and posted her eyes as the emoji of the ruler.
Source: Weibo @ Ying Caier
Indeed, with Ying Caier's character, he will not peek, but look directly.
01
Good love doesn't require obedience training
All along, Chen Xiaochun and Ying Cai'er have been the "spokespersons" for loving couples.
On the day of the wedding, Chen Xiaochun signed the "deed of sale": "I will be very gentle with you, accompany you for life and death, and I only have you in my life." ”
Source: "Wife's Romantic Trip"
After that, the "agreement" before marriage was strictly enforced: good night must be said before going to bed; the whereabouts must be reported every day; where to go, who to go with, and when to come back must be informed in time...
Source: Chen Xiaochun interview
Even if he has been married for many years, when it comes to Ying Cai'er, Chen Xiaochun is sweet.
Such a happy marriage between the two, to look at the mobile phone is not a simple thing?
This way of getting along with each other "do not deceive each other" makes people feel that the two have no reservations and complete trust, and they have also become the love that many small couples on the Internet yearn for.
But in fact, not all "unreserved" love can end well.
Shen Mengchen told her about a love past in "Mars Intelligence Bureau", which made her almost collapse.
Shen Mengchen's ex-boyfriend is a person with a strong desire to control. During his relationship with him, Shen Mengchen had no freedom to speak of.
Wherever she goes, she needs to take pictures of him all the time.
Not only that, but he also didn't allow her to associate with any friends of the opposite sex, even girls.
Image source: Screenshot of the Mars Intelligence Agency
As a host, Shen Mengchen inevitably has to contact various colleagues in his work. In order not to make her boyfriend suspicious, she prepared two mobile phones.
Carry one with you for your boyfriend to check at any time. The other was locked in a mailbox in the next building.
Every time she had to contact a friend, she had to run to another building to use her phone.
But before long, the boyfriend noticed it.
Questioned her: "Do you have two mobile phones behind my back?" ”
Image source: Screenshot of the Mars Intelligence Agency
Such a scene is suffocating.
Such feelings are extremely frightening to think about.
Fortunately, Shen Mengchen finally woke up, broke up with the man, and escaped from the prison of feelings. Later, he met Haitao, and the love run ended and he was happily married.
Therefore, good feelings have always been equal. Instead of one side controlling, one side compromising.
If you do not have the consent of the other party, do not respect the opinions of the other party, and stare at each other's mobile phones and circle of friends all the time, this extreme approach is not love, but shackles.
02
The lack of "communicative" love becomes a burden
There are more than one celebrity who can look at mobile phones.
Venus also told his story on his own show "Venus Show". She said that she once accidentally saw a flight message from her husband, she never checked the post, and when she saw that message, she also felt confused and scratched her heart.
In fact, everyone knows that in a relationship, both parties want to know their partners, for example, by checking their mobile phones, looking through orders, chat history, etc., in order to gain a sense of security. Once one party has something to hide, it is obvious that there is a risk of undermining trust.
But why do we sometimes prefer to look at our phones rather than communicate well?
In fact, in large part, it is because the two sides have not yet fully trusted each other.
There is a view in psychology that "starting to communicate" is a kind of trust in itself, and trust is gradually established.
Many people feel that since we are already in love, we must already have trust! But in fact, trust does not exist in the instant of becoming a boyfriend and girlfriend.
Trust is not the default option, but requires a process of formation, communication, and understanding.
In the Douban life group, a netizen posted about his experience:
"I've talked about two boyfriends. I don't like to eat meat, and when I was with my first boyfriend, I always ordered vegetarian food when I went out to order food, and I rarely ate meat.
But his first reaction was to criticize me and taunt me, thinking that I was pretentious and troublesome, and that he used it as a joke every time he had dinner. I'm very upset every time I hear it. I never wanted to communicate with him again, and I didn't believe he would understand me.
Just with my second boyfriend, I told him about my diet, and he wasn't surprised, but said very seriously, although he may not understand at first, he will slowly accept me and will learn to cook for me in the future. ”
Image source: Screenshot of Japanese drama
It can be seen that in the relationship, the most important thing is communication and understanding.
However, many couples and couples have not really understood the meaning of communication, but instead feel, "Since we are together, if you don't show me your mobile phone, you don't trust me!" ”
However, some people like to write diaries and moods through mobile phones, and these records, regardless of trust, are completely private.
As a result, mobile phones have also become a source of suspicion and quarrels, and even become the fuse of breakups and divorces.
03
Should I peek at my partner's phone?
It's not just a privacy issue
Why check your phone? The essence is distrust, doubt, to verify something.
What about after looking at your phone?
In psychology, there is a theory of "self-validation": when you decide that something is correct, you will find ways to prove your point, regardless of whether it is really correct or not.
Even if you don't find anything, will you be at ease? Probably not.
On the contrary, they will wonder if the other party has deleted all the evidence?
Just like in the famous "death row experiment", a prisoner who was preparing to carry out the death penalty was blindfolded. He felt his wrist being cut by a knife, and he listened as the blood dripped down and died before long.
In fact, although he was cut off, his injuries were not fatal. He wasn't really bleeding, all he heard was a deliberately placed drip device.
He died from an inner "belief" in death.
So in the same way, distrust in marriage is the same. Once the seed of doubt is planted, it will grow irrationally and wildly, devouring everything.
The best way to let the seeds of trust take root is to communicate and accompany more.
And in another case, you do see the evidence.
At this time, is it to prepare a knife and two cuts, ready to quickly cut the mess?
Or are you ready to calm down and gather more evidence?
Or is it generous and patient communication?
To do anything in marriage, you have to think about the consequences first.
In most cases, it is best not to check it privately, because it is "mediocre self-disturbance", and even if nothing happens, it may lose both.
Source: Lines from the TV series "Love Is Delicious"
On Valentine's Day this year, Ying Caierka posted a weibo to celebrate their 12-year marriage.
Source: Sina Weibo @ Ying Caier
Still sweet, still as loving as ever.
I think that in the matter of looking at the mobile phone, Chen Xiaochun probably will not accuse Ying Cai'er of breaking the law.
In fact, in the matter of husband and wife relationship, the mobile phone is not important, what is important is mutual trust.
Looking at the mobile phone, it is only the appearance of the marriage relationship, whether the two people are in the same heart, can be felt from many details of life.
Chen Xiaochun and Ying Cai'er, one is the big brother of "Gu Qiuzai" and the other is a domineering "big miss", they were originally two completely different people.
But in the most enviable way, to answer what is true love.
Instead of questioning and controlling each other, it is in acceptance and tolerance that influences each other and nourishes change.
Even if the personality habits are polarized, it does not matter, as long as they are attracted to each other and trust each other;
You can become the other person's favorite appearance in the long years and unconsciously.
The writer Su Cen once said: "The meaning of marriage should be that when things are encountered, there is someone who can discuss; when bored, can talk nonsense together." A life is too long, and there must always be someone to accompany you. Bright and upright companionship, down-to-earth miss. Maybe that's it. ”
Marriage doesn't have too many rules and definitions, and there are no established templates to refer to.
You don't have to learn other people's ways of loving each other, and being comfortable is the first meaning of marriage.
(Image source network, invasion and deletion)
End