Introduction: I have defended my family and country for 15 years, but I can't protect my children! On April 1, a father stood at the entrance of Lingbigou Middle School with a portrait of his son in his hand, looking really distressing
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01 Because of the dispute over trivial matters, the second grade boy was beaten to death
According to the child's father, at about 10 p.m. on March 31, his son was dragged into a dormitory by seven high school students from the same school, beaten and abused to death.
In order to provide better living conditions for the child, the child's parents work outside the home all year round and apply for a separate dormitory for the child at the school, but the school arranges a high school student to move in without the parents' knowledge, and privately negotiates with the other party to pay 300 yuan to their children.
But when his child asked for money like the first-year high school student, the first-year high school student was still reluctant to give it, so the two had an argument in the dormitory. The first-year high school student then called six other people and beat his child, eventually killing him.
According to the child's father, there were actually seven people who beat his child, and the school found the youngest one to come out and top the bag in order to shirk responsibility.
In fact, this father was a border guard officer and soldier who stayed in Tibet for 15 years. He blamed himself: I was able to protect the country, but in the end I couldn't protect my son.
Not only did the school fail to protect his children, but it also helped the "demons of crime" to lie and let the demons get away with it.
In the future, there will be other children studying at this school, and perhaps some children will be bullied in school. If you don't speak for him today, tomorrow who will speak for me.
In this regard, the comments of netizens are also one-sided, supporting the truth.
02 The Truth About Violence in Schools: Psychoanalysis of Perpetrators
Why has what should have been a campus of learning become a soil of violence? In juvenile delinquency, the proportion of 14-16 years old is rising, and adolescents at this stage are in adolescence, and at this time, they are easily impulsive, pursuing independence and publicity.
But on the other hand, among most of the children who have violent behavior, their family relations are not particularly good, and the family has a big problem in the education of the child. At this time, the abuser showed great indifference and lacked basic compassion in the process of hurting his classmates, hoping to make himself look "powerful" through such an act.
Most of the families of the perpetrators neglect to discipline their children, and the children are in a state of free range or educated by the elderly, and they cannot even meet the needs of the children's lives. Their perpetrators need the love of their families, and when they can't get them in the family, they need to find their own sense of existence and identity. As a result, there will be social bad people, naughtiness in school, mischief, bullying classmates and so on.
At the same time, there is another situation that parents are particularly strict in their discipline of their children, children are in a strictly controlled state at home, parents will have a lot of requirements for their children, but children are rebellious in adolescence, they will be very resistant to their parents' requirements, and even have conflicts with their parents.
Allowing children to feel that they are not loved, or that parents love themselves requires conditions, such a recognition will make children give up restraint on themselves and choose to fight to show their authority.
Families need to bear a large part of the reasons for the emergence of abusers, and I hope that parents can pay more attention to the growth status of their children, children are thoughtful people, and it is not just to meet simple life needs. Entering the child's heart is the best way to accompany the child to grow up together.
03 Children are bullied and only make soft persimmons? - Psychological analysis of the victim
See if you are familiar with a scene like this:
Out of love for the child and as much protection as possible, from kindergarten, you will help him grab a toy car today, block a physical conflict from his peers tomorrow, and rush to the other parents the day after tomorrow to settle the account...
In order not to let their children suffer a little harm, parents are willing to become the "big tree" of their children and always shelter their children.
Looking at it in this way is protecting the child, in fact, it invisibly weakens the child's ability to handle things alone, and also wears down the child's self-confidence.
At the same time, you are still quite dissatisfied, taking the initiative to help him clean up the "endgame", and constantly harshly rebuking: "Why are you so stupid, too honest, people don't bully you bully whom?" "Discuss with relatives and friends after tea and dinner, and it is inevitable to label children."
"Our children are just lying in the nest, and they don't dare to go out, what can we do in the future?" These casual words are like tight curses, easily helping children to establish a clear and firm self-perception of "I can't do it" and "I can't handle the problem independently".
Such a child, when he is facing a threat to a person, the other party has not yet shot, he must have confessed. Also teach children to "fight back"? The child becomes like this can only say, tearing is not what you want to tear, you can tear if you want to tear.
One word of advice: From kindergarten, let the children deal with the problems on their own as much as possible, including physical conflicts.
04 If the child is bullied, it will only make the child "fight back"? Try these four tricks, in fact, more effective
There are some children who have a soft personality from an early age and are always bullied in school, and I believe that every parent will not want their children to be bullied. Sometimes these children take their toys to the school to play, but they are snatched away by other bear children in the school, and they dare not open their mouths to come back, so they can only go home and cry with their parents, and even say that they want to transfer schools.
Many parents hope that their children are brave, but different parents take different ways of education, some parents find that their children's toys have been robbed, will teach their children to learn to fight back, and some parents will tell their children to be generous, other children just borrow to play for a while, tomorrow will return you. Under these two educational methods, can the children taught be the same?
Do not want the child to always be bullied at school, to cultivate a brave good child, parents learn the following 4 points, so that the baby can grow up to be stronger, the child's timid and cowardly character is not unchangeable.
1. Encourage your child more
Many parents always verbally abuse their children when they make some mistakes, and even directly hit them. In such a high-pressure family environment, over time, children will be careful in their words and deeds at home, let alone go outside? It is not surprising that children who grow up in such a family atmosphere have a timid and cowardly personality.
It is very normal for children to make mistakes, parents can only make mistakes and add mistakes to children, and children with timid and cowardly character need more encouragement from parents when they make mistakes. Making mistakes is not terrible, do not let children become afraid of making mistakes and become afraid of the end, parents let go of their children to do something within their power, and give praise, so that they understand that they can be so powerful! When they are labeled "brave" many times, children will naturally become brave.
2. Learn to fight back
Respect for the child's ideas is very important, to cultivate children from an early age to learn to say their inner thoughts, do not have any ideas buried in the heart, such children do not even dare to say the needs in their hearts, naturally do not dare to fight for anything, over time it has become the "soft persimmon" in the class.
When the child is bullied, parents should learn to give the child a sense of security and dependence, soothe the child's emotions, if the parents always hold the psychology of more than one thing is not as good as less, and even question the child Others: "Why just bully you?" Did you take the initiative to provoke others? Such a response undoubtedly makes the child feel that the parents will not give them a sense of security, and they will not dare to tell the parents about something in the future, but will only silently endure it themselves.
Therefore, it is necessary to teach children to take the initiative to say "no" to other bear children, and when children are bullied, they must learn to fight back, so that children can have more confidence and natural courage.
3. Cultivate children's awareness of "little master"
Parents can cultivate children to learn to talk to adults, cultivate a sense of "little adults" from an early age, let children bring tea and water when guests come to the house, and say some things that adults should say. When the child completes this series of things, the guests will always be unable to help but praise the child, so that for a long time, the child has received praise from adults many times, and will naturally become confident and generous.
4. Set an example for children
Parents are the child's first teacher, in the child's heart, the parents are strong, have always protected them, is their most powerful umbrella. There is a cliff experiment in psychology", which places the child and the mother at both ends of the artificially set cliff and lets the child climb over the 'cliff' to come to the mother. Experiments have found that if the mother shows excitement and happiness, most children will bravely climb over the cliff. On the other hand, if the mother looks afraid and afraid, most children will retreat.
In the face of a situation, if the parents also become panicked, the child loses psychological support, in the absence of confidence, it is normal to become cautious and timid. Only by playing the role of parents well, strong and brave in the hearts of children, there is a strong protective umbrella behind the children, naturally there will be the courage to face setbacks, and become brave and strong.
05 Write at the end
There is such a plot in Haruki Murakami's novel "1Q84": Aodou is a female coach of the sports club, who specializes in teaching women's self-defense. Her self-defense course was so effective (specializing in how quickly and accurately women attacked men's testicles when attacked) that it caused displeasure among the male members who came to visit, so that the self-defense course was forced to be canceled.
Among her members was an old lady in her mid-70s. The old lady said to Qingdou:
"At my age, I'm afraid there's no need to learn self-defense."
Haruki Murakami's novel "1Q84"
And Qingdou replied happily:
"It's not a question of age, it's a question of attitude towards life. It is important to always maintain a posture of serious protection for oneself. If we just suffer an attack and do not resist, we can only stop moving forward. Chronic feelings of weakness can corrode people. ”
The same is true in the face of bullying. It is necessary for children to know that the world is not always friendly. Maybe someone will bully themselves, maybe they will be hurt by something.
It doesn't matter, because every difficulty is followed by a corresponding solution. With such psychological preparation, if the child really encounters a bullying incident, he will not be helpless and let others slaughter.
Children who have empty holes in their hearts are more vulnerable and more likely to suffer from external harm. Children with bright and complete hearts will be relatively stronger.
In the face of "minorities" that are different from the mainstream aesthetic, each of us has the responsibility to teach our children:
There are all kinds of people in the world that you can dislike, but you don't have the power to hurt them.
Hopefully everyone will try their best to understand them. You don't have to be friends with them, but at least treat them like ordinary people. This is basic cultivation and courtesy.
Even if you can't help from your own standpoint, at least don't be a part of the bullying in school.
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