My friend has been upset lately.
A few days ago, I picked up my daughter Mengmeng from school, and I heard several children shouting "little pout" at the school gate. At first, my friend didn't react, but later found that her daughter had tears in her eyes and realized that "Little Pout" was her daughter's nickname.
A friend asked Mengmeng, "Since you don't like it, why don't you tell your classmates and not let them shout?" ”
Meng Meng was silent for a long time before she said with tears in her eyes, "I don't know how to say it, and I don't dare." ”
My friend complained to me with hatred, "Her father and I are very powerful, no one dared to bully since we were children, why did we give birth to such a 'cowardly baby'!" ”
When Meng Meng was a child, my friend thought that her daughter was soft and cute, and she felt very happy, but she never expected that her soft daughter would become a proper "soft persimmon" when she grew up, and she wouldn't even resist basically!
In the past, we said that the child's soft temperament was praise, indicating that the child has a gentle personality, is humble and sensible, and does not contradict others. But now it's really not a good thing to talk about the child's soft personality.
Children with soft personalities, do not fight, do not grab, have no temper, it seems that such people are easy to get along with, will have good popularity, but in fact, they are particularly at a loss.
Because his personality is too good, it is easy to be ignored by others, because everyone knows that he will not resist, so no matter what he does, he will be put in the last place, never care about his feelings, it is difficult to be seen, and there is a chance to perform.
Because his temperament is too soft, he endures being bullied to the end, so everyone can't help but reach out and hit him, it is easy to become the target of bullying at school, and it is easy to become someone else's "backstabber" in society.
Children with soft personalities are also very painful themselves, obviously annoying, but they dare not say "no"; I obviously like it very much, but I don't dare to fight for it; They hate their compromise and weakness, but they dare not resist, dare not change, and can only bear in silence. Therefore, children with soft personalities are often very entangled in their hearts, and the internal friction is particularly serious.
In today's society, children with principles, bottom lines, and edges have more advantages, and parents should pay attention to training.
Be mindful of how you and your child get along
All parents who put themselves on top of each other raise children with low eyebrows and pleasing eyes, like to look at people's faces, and are weak and inferior.
Such parents are very strong, and they seem to be very strict with their children, but in fact, they are fiddling with their children as objects. They never listen to their children's ideas, refuse their children's opinions, never see their children's needs, and most of their conversations with children are commanding, and children will scold or even scold them if they don't do it right.
The child has become a tamed little animal, accustomed to being commanded by others, accustomed to being obedient and not resisting, and in any environment, he will consciously put himself in the lowest position and bear it silently.
If you don't want your child to become a "soft persimmon", the most important thing is to pay attention to the way you get along with your child.
The more equal the status, the more confident the child will be. The stronger the child's sense of presence in the family, the heavier his sense of responsibility, he can appreciate his weight in the hearts of his parents, and when he is respected and valued, the child will pay more attention to the development and perfection of his independent personality.
The more parents accompany him, the stronger the child's sense of security and the more stable his core becomes; The more parents are willing to listen and communicate with their children, the more willing their children are to think, the more they pay attention to their own inner education, and the stronger and more independent the spiritual world.
Pay attention to the way you and your child speak, less scolding and yelling, children are more willing to express their own thoughts, say their true thoughts, and dare to express themselves.
Wang Qiuyun, a family education expert, pointed out that "the educational wisdom of parents hides what their children will look like in the next 20 years. But if you don't know the right way, you will lead your child down the wrong path. ”
When the child begins to become a "soft persimmon", the first thing parents should do should be to reflect on the way they get along with their children, whether there is something wrong.
When it's time to brace, you have to brace
Parents are the foundation for children's growth, and what children get from their parents is not only material life, but also inner and spiritual strength.
When a child is bullied, do you blame the child first, thinking that it is all the child's fault, or do you support the child and help the child in the first place?
When a child is wronged, do you scold the child first, or do you choose to believe him and firmly support the child?
When your child encounters difficulties and makes mistakes, do you scold and scold them, or encourage and support them to help them stand up?
When you talk about your child with your teacher or friend, do you keep talking about your child's shortcomings, or do you keep affirming and praising your child?
When children do not receive the understanding and support of their parents, they are cowardly.
Ma Yili said that when she was in school, she was once evaluated for poor thinking and morality. The teacher told Ma Yili's father that the reason was that she was in early love with several boys.
The father asked the teacher who the boys were, and the teacher could only give the name of one boy.
The father asked, "Teacher, what else?" Isn't it multiple? In the face of the teacher's accusations, the father chose to trust his daughter, saying, "My daughter I know her best, so I'd better talk to the principal." ”。
Ma Yili said that she cried at that time, and she was very touched by her father's trust in her. And secretly decided: "I want to remind myself that I want to be more conscious, so that my parents can trust me more." ”
Psychologist Day Elkinder said: "The most important thing children need to know is that they are important to their parents and will always be surrounded by love. "The more parents love, the more secure the child's sense of security, the more stable the heart, the child's self-esteem is given by the parents, if you want the child to be confident and hard, the waist is straight, parents must learn to support the child.
Raise your children wildly
Today's children are raised to be too well-behaved, bullied, and dare not resist; It's easy to lose track of the slightest difficulty; The small things that are big enough to be entangled in the extremes repeatedly.
If the child is too well-behaved and too honest, it is not a good thing whether it is a boy or a girl. They have a bad personality, do things dogmatically, dare not confide in grievances, dare not say their ideas, and they are often trapped in their own world and cannot get out.
Nowadays, the competition in society is becoming more and more fierce, and only children who are a little "wilder" can better adapt to the environment, seize opportunities, and win more possibilities for the future.
Parenting expert Adele Faber said: "It is more important for a child to be a flesh-and-blood child, an emotionally authentic person, than to continue to be a "good child of mommy".
Don't let your child focus on grades, but focus on the development of multi-faceted abilities, so that your child can become a person who can think and do things, not a nerd.
Give children more opportunities to observe the world, take children to understand the rules of society, learn to get along with interpersonal relationships, allow children to express themselves freely, dare to speak their own ideas, and have the ability to adapt to changes.
Take children to exercise more, children who like sports have a cheerful and sunny personality, strong endurance, willing to endure hardships, and have better resistance to frustration.
A "wild" child not only has its own edge, but also has its own light.
Teach your child not to cause trouble and not to be afraid
We often teach children to be polite, know how to be humble, and never conflict with others, but as a result, children are bullied to the head, and they dare not squeak, and become polite "soft persimmons"
Parents must do a good job of bottom-line education for their children, so that children have a sense of principles and boundaries, and a bottom line for doing things, so that children will not let others step on the line and be bullied, but also understand what they should not do and will not take the initiative to cause trouble.
We need to teach children to be cheeky, dare to express their feelings, and be brave enough to say "no" when they feel uncomfortable; When faced with provocation, we should attack when we should attack, and we will never be accustomed to the other side.
Tell your child that it is more important not to be wronged to please anyone, and to learn to pay attention to himself.
We even have to teach our children to learn to quarrel and blindly compromise and retreat, which will only accelerate internal friction. Teach children to face bravely, learn to attack and defend, children's language expression, reaction speed will evolve, and more importantly, children's courage, courage to face problems, and ability to resist setbacks will change.
In short, we don't want children to become "soft persimmons", we have to teach children not to cause trouble from an early age, but they are not afraid of things.
Not all good temper and good character are worthy of praise, so let children have a little edge and edge, which is not only a kind of self-protection, but also a weapon for children's future growth.