Afraid of not cherishing after being chased by men, what to do

Earlier, when I was not in the know-it-all, I once spent several forums as a man, and at that time I felt, alas, if I were to be a paid emotional counselor, it would be much more convenient if the client base was mainly male.

Why, because men's primary purpose for feelings is too easy to quantify: kissing counts as first base, touching and hugging second base, making love even if it is home base.

With quantitative indicators, there can be an evaluation methodology, and an evaluation methodology can be copied on a large scale. For men with quantitative indicators, you can teach ten mobile phone numbers in an afternoon (now replaced by WeChat), how to send a message to ask the girl out, how to test how to test a few bases, and what kind of test can complete the home run (I will go to learn the queen mother)- but if you do this, the girl business, I will probably be killed or reported.

In the initial stage of ambiguous feelings and mutual liking, men have a small goal in the stage of release of sexual impulses, while women are pursuing the big proposition of feeling happiness in the relationship from beginning to end.

In this information age where you have not eaten pork and can see eighteen kinds of pigs running, when women who want to get happiness in the relationship meet men, there will indeed be a relatively long period of entanglement, and they instinctively hope to slow down the rhythm and make sure that the other party is not a "deception cannon" before proceeding to the next step, but because of the acceleration of the social rhythm, the change of social moral tolerance and the protection of personal privacy, the hidden marriage and love around them may not be able to recognize, and it is not possible to see through.

There used to be a colleague in the company, absolutely, the woman we always thought was his wife, and the young colleagues played ball and ate together every week and brought their families to the kind of meeting place that appeared, and it was not his wife at all.

And this misunderstanding lasted for several years, until the woman herself was tricked into making a big fuss in the company, and we didn't know that this love drama was so bloody.

But what about the trouble, although the colleague was ridiculed by us, but nothing affected it, how he fooled the original match did not know, anyway, he jumped ship to change jobs, the salary is higher.

Putting aside this kind of dog blood gossip (walking the rivers and lakes, colleagues or customers around similar gossip can probably count a hand), another phenomenon such as chasing when full of enthusiasm, after sleeping a few times and then there are projects and business trips, in short, more and more "busy", but also quite common.

To deal with this phenomenon, you have to have two beliefs.

First, believe in yourself.

When interacting with men, whether you are familiar with it or not, you should plan a rhythm yourself, and encourage yourself to say this rhythm, and frankly ask the other party to cooperate.

I believe that in the process of communication, as a person with greater ability and greater responsibility, letting the other party cooperate with their own rhythm is the fairest plan for both parties.

Many girls are very worried about their own dating, their own bed plan or frequency, their own open sexual relationship, their own fertility preparations are very worried, afraid that the other party is a good man, their own initiative to plan not to cooperate with each other, by the other party misunderstood as an overly open woman, missed a good relationship and their own good future.

No, no, no, women in the field of male-female relations are the ones with strong cooperation ability and self-resource advantages, and the strong must of course eliminate the other party who refuses to let themselves be more judgmental. Eliminate such men, and you will not miss any opportunity to benefit yourself at all.

On a realistic level, if women do not dare to take the initiative to tell men to choose each other, just like you a landlord who chooses a renter who does not dare to ask for a price and does not dare to collect a deposit, it really causes controversy, and the loss of the resource advantage party and the loss of the original cost of the transaction point are not the same.

Those who have the advantage in resources must have a rhythm plan to protect themselves and cooperate fairly.

I can only listen to when the landlord says that I want to rent a house and let go of the visit, and I can't listen to the tenant who can force the landlord to say that you can't be vacant and can't find someone else to rent to me.

The same is true of the relationship between men and women.

Just met, is to eat well and sleep well of friendship, whether you are willing to give up a whole forest for me a tree is your judgment, but I am now, it is really not for you to completely give up other choices, if we are in a very happy situation now, we can also try whether to sleep happily... But that's it, other demands and promises, you say now, and I don't believe it.

Believe in their subjective initiative, take the initiative to say the rhythm of communication, say two-way choice, the rules of merit-based recruitment, the requirements for men are his cooperation, if the rhythm of his thought disrupts me, then there is a risk of being rejected by me, in short, convergence is gathered, dissimilarity is scattered, I will not pay the time cost in vain to match the man's commitment, nor will I spend money on men (I am poor), money and time, I myself will cherish, men are not qualified to cross the line.

The second is to believe in human nature.

Where people's happiness comes from, from low expectations and high satisfaction.

The shorter the time of acquaintance, the less anxious it is to show how reliable you are in the field of long-term cooperation. A lot of girls, too much hope and men who seem to have excellent conditions are hammered down, long boxes, all kinds of uncomplaining and unrepentant in love, docile to pay.

You think that knowing each other for three months and a half is a deep feeling, and you must express your sincerity for the relationship, in fact, this time is compared with marriage and child-rearing cooperation, what is it?

If you want to prove yourself too much, then time will not be on your side. After the passion period has passed, I am afraid that men will be annoyed with themselves, so they dare not say their companionship needs; they are afraid that men feel that they are not loving enough, so they dare not refuse his requests, such as asking you to wait for him; afraid of men saying that they worship gold, so all kinds of men express that they only want to live a peaceful and peaceful life, spending their own money is as if they are delaying each other to save a mortgage.

Not married to be afraid of breaking up all kinds of reliability, raising the expectation of the other party to get benefits here, this is not a good phenomenon, with the length of the relationship time, the real satisfaction of the feeling is declining, he will take all your tolerance and understanding as a matter of course, and you with the increase in age of the needs, the other party will feel that even if you meet you will not bring more benefits to yourself, so be neglected.

Knowing this human nature, it is necessary to take the initiative to tell men from time to time in the interaction, and it is natural for women to consider themselves first and love themselves first. You a big man don't expect me to be responsible, and if you want to damage me, don't blame me for not having a face of character display strategy, in addition to eliminating inappropriate men, there is also a role that is to lower the expectations of the interests of men who want to cooperate.

When I am happy and free, I can think of asking you to come and eat and drink, that is, I like you, how can I expect me to provide more benefits? The rest of the time and energy of course I have to think about and busy for my own life interests, I don't ask you for benefits are already signed, you don't expect me to do anything.

When a person arranges positive results for his own life, for example, I begin to see with the naked eye that there are more relaxed economic conditions, more stable and optimistic emotions, and the coolness of telling the truth, people who originally have low expectations for the benefits of cooperation, but feel ... Earned.

I didn't give any scarce resources, but he was satisfied, which became a win-win relationship - and in the nourishment of this relationship, men will actively be willing to be more emotionally and mentally closer, and have a better chance of negotiating in a deeply cooperative division of labor.

Simple happiness and physical harmony in intimate relationships can only be a happy experience, and cannot become the cost and threat of women to bet on the future - you should never sacrifice your time and energy to count on others, but to believe in yourself and human nature, that is, to believe that the power of the human spirit is always greater than the body, in the liberation of thought and the implementation of reality, strategizing, laughing and proud.

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