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As Jiang Ge's mother's case against Liu Xin enters a stalemate, it is becoming increasingly difficult for us to see which side occupies justice. And no matter what the result is, the passing Jiang Ge will always be difficult to reconcile in the hearts of the viewers.
We used to believe that "good is rewarded", but in this incident, the murderer successfully vented his anger, the onlookers were unharmed, and those who stepped forward became victims.
How should we understand Liu Xin? On some level, she simply follows the survival instinct and makes the choices that are best for herself, and everyone has a cowardice in the face of death in their hearts, and our fear of her is not incapable of empathy.
But if a person is so fragile that he or she evades any responsibility and depends on others from beginning to end, I am afraid that he does not deserve pity.
The most fragile side of human nature is the most dangerous side of human nature. The person who pushed her and Jiang Ge to a desperate situation step by step was herself. On a psychological level, everything stems from her avoidant personality and obsessive-compulsive dependence tendencies.
First, the avoidant personality: to escape danger, the more you flee the more dangerous
Avoidant personality is a common personality disorder that inhibits social ability, manifested by insufficient self-sensory ability and extreme sensitivity to negative evaluations.
People with such obstacles generally have difficulty believing that they have the ability to lead a relationship, never face the problem directly, and bring people a feeling of being separated and dragging mud and water. Avoidance is an important aspect of addressing such barriers.
In order to escape the loneliness of studying in a foreign land, Liu Xin chose Chen Shifeng as the object of love without scrutiny, which became her wrong beginning. There is nothing wrong with escaping loneliness, it is human instinct.
As children, we enter into "me and you" relationships with the world through our parents. As adults, we become more connected to the world by investing in careers, friendships, and love, and get rid of the isolation of childhood and social disconnection. How to fight loneliness is a problem that must be faced at every stage of life, but blindly avoiding it is never the best way.
Escaping from the subject of romantic relationships is the second step in her falling into the abyss. After living with Chen Shifeng, the two quarreled frequently, and the other's desire for control and paranoia made her unbearable.
One reason for falling in love with Chen Shifeng is to escape loneliness, and it is clear that a high-self-respecting paranoid person cannot be a warm harbor.
She did not have the courage to face the problem of love, nor did she have the ability to change each other, so she resolutely chose to break up, and the two broke up unhappily.
In the face of Chen Shifeng's signal of seeking compounding, Liu Xin's approach is not to answer the phone and not to reply to text messages.
Repeated evasion triggered Chen Shifeng's anger, and in the face of Chen Shifeng, who came with a fierce weapon, she hid behind the door, and did not even have the courage to argue with the other party in person. In the end, Chen Shifeng killed Jiang Ge to vent his anger, and Liu Xin successfully escaped the crisis of life.
Avoiding the problem will only make the problem worse and let the incident develop in an unexpected direction.
Second, the essence of the avoidant personality
American psychologist Fromm (Fromm) once put forward such a view in "Fear of Freedom", when people are in anxiety, loneliness and stress, they will choose to give up their independent self, find a dependence, and let this dependence bear some responsibility for themselves.
Giving up responsibility and relying on others is the essence of avoidant personality disorder.
Such people with such disorders habitually avoid problems, relying on others to solve them, while they stand by and watch. Obsessive-compulsive dependence is another important aspect of this type of personality disorder.
Liu Xin's dependence has developed to a morbid degree. In The Neurotic Personality of Our Time, proposes the neurotic need to control the 'partner' of my own life, and the so-called neurosis is the obsessive-compulsive need driven by anxiety.
A person who firmly believes that he is vulnerable will be eager to find someone who can take care of him. Whether it is Chen Shifeng or Jiang Ge, it is the caregiver that Liu Xin found for himself when he was anxious.
Liu Xin once relied on Chen Shifeng. As a Chinese studying in a foreign country, liu Xin could hardly not feel close to him, driven by loneliness and anxiety, she quickly chose to live with the other party, before that, she did not even know what kind of person Chen Shifeng really was.
Her relationship with Jiang Ge can better reflect her dependence. Liu Xin called Jiang Ge "Third Uncle", and even after Jiang Ge died because of her, she could not change her mouth.
The title contains a masculine perception that conjures up images of a reliable man.
It is not difficult to imagine that Jiang Ge must have taken more care of Liu Xin, and Liu Xin habitually regarded her as a protector, and naturally let Jiang Ge stand up when his life was in danger.
And what she said to her mother revealed her childish self. After the incident, she said to her mother: "I'm sorry Mom, I'm in trouble."
There is no regret for the loss of life, no reflection on one's own words and deeds, only helplessness in trouble and shame for one's mother. This mental regression can be attributed to attachment to a sense of security in the "primordial bond."
From an individualist point of view, the baby is connected to the mother through the umbilical cord before birth, and the umbilical cord associated with the mother after birth is still mentally present, and this connection gives it a sense of belonging and security. Fromm refers to this connection as the "primordial bond."
In the final analysis, Liu Xin did not strip away the "mother-dependent self" from her body, so she had no way to be responsible for other things and always expected the care of others.
However, where there are so-called years of quiet good, it is just someone who carries the weight for you.
Third, the fragility and darkness of human nature
One thing is worth pondering, when Liu Xin was accused by the public, she aimed the spearhead at Jiang Ge's mother. He even used the metaphor of "eating pigeon meat" to stimulate the mother of a widowed daughter.
She did this not only because she believed she was innocent, but also because she should not be blamed. It is also because she, as a sensitive person, will also sharply fight back after the emotions are forced into a corner.
The deeper psychological mechanism is that because she deeply wants to change her fragile self, but she chooses to solve problems by relying on others, she has to make a fragile appearance on the surface, but in fact, her subconscious is full of power to control life. People say that honest people are the most terrible when they are angry, and this is the truth.
This aggression is her stress response to stress. But her most lethal side is the escapist personality itself.
What power is so powerful that you can witness your best friend die in front of you and be indifferent to her pleas? It's not perverted desire, it's not a determination to do evil, it's just the neurotic drive of compulsive avoidance, a deep-seated idea.
But on a larger scale, this internal drive will blind people's eyes, so that you can't see what is most important to you, and you can't make the choices that are most conducive to the development of life.
Liu Xin could have given up on a wrong person, could have developed a good relationship, and should not have let others bear serious consequences. Inaction and blindness have allowed things to develop irretrievably.
In Fromm's view, there are two choices in life, one is to actively engage in a free life, to establish a healthy connection with the world through love and work, and to develop an independent and complete personality.
The other is to overcome loneliness and helplessness by giving up freedom and retreating to a state of attachment when subjected to loneliness, anxiety, and stress.
When life's major issues come, such as love, dating, and even life and death decisions, facing it is absolutely the most important step, and the escapee will become a prisoner of the "self" and can never become a complete person.
Life is only a few decades, if all kinds of sour, sweet and bittersweet do not have the courage to experience it in person, this is destined to be a life full of regrets.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205