Write on the front
Poetry is a way, without learning to open up, non-learning can not help. Scholars, the stone of his mountain can attack jade; Judges, the opinions of the people may be deafening. The ancients were "like a cut like a discussion, like a grind", this is a gentleman's demeanor, and it is more extended to the spirit of studiousness, which must not be ignored. Today, Yunfan set up this column for the convenience of communication, the place of identification, the platform for progress, when informal, explore the micro and seek the truth, in order to cultivate the far-reaching realm is to hope.
Yun fan reading micro hall
【Yunfan Poetry Collection】
Issue 8 of 2022
Selected Works of the 508th Edition of the Yunfan Poetry Society
Yunfan Poetry Book, No. 8, 2022
Duan Wei commented
Gu Ailing
Zeng Jiquan
A flying silver travel swallow, a hundred turns of jade jiaolong.
Without going through thousands of dangers, how can you be a small wanfeng.
[Duan Wei Comment] This first five-absolute chapter is quite similar to what I once called the "exemplary" structure, that is, one or two sentences of description, three or four sentences of conclusion, and the second part of Li Sheng's "Mercy Farmer": "When the day of hoeing is noon, the sweat drops fall into the soil." Who knows the plate of Chinese food, the grains are hard" can be referred to. Of course, it is also possible to make a theory in one or two sentences first, and then describe it in three or four sentences, which is a cool Teton technique of words. The advantage of such a chapter is that the logic is closely related, and there will be no disadvantages of fragmentation and alienation. The description of one or two sentences of this poem is quite beautiful, but it is not so tightly locked with the "thousand dangers" in detail, and there is still room for scrutiny.
Homecoming has been sent
Chen Zhusong
The moon shines on thousands of homes, drinking alone for a long night.
Mo complained about returning to know less, and was afraid to ask about the old plum blossoms.
【Duan Wei's comment】The seven words and sentences are written with divine charm and deep in the essence of Yuyang. This kind of chapter method, Yuyang poetry method is generally the third sentence with a negative sentence, the fourth sentence is mostly an affirmative sentence; and the fourth sentence of Zhu Song continues to use a negative sentence, which has its own creativity, and its charm is a further layer, "meet and be afraid to ask the old plum blossoms" said that the old rain is a confidant. If the reader has the heart, he will dig deeper: what about the new knowledge?
Nong Yin Li Spring Travel
Deng Yuzhu
The cold by the bridge is still there, and the spring affairs are already on credit.
Runbi Creek is rising at the beginning, with red peaches.
Qing song listens to the strange alley, and the wild magpie makes trouble.
Enjoy this new time, invite leisure and make tea.
[Duan Wei's comments] This first five laws are decent. What I admire most is the jaw link "Runbi Creek rises at the beginning, with red peach desire", which is quite chewy.
Zhou Xiangdong commented
Tiger Wei
Frost leaves
Born a king, not angry and mighty.
Eyes often contain killing, who dares to peep into the country?
【Zhou Xiangdong comment】Writing that the tiger has not shed the shackles of its predecessors, but the knot is complete, and the intention is to warn the world. It's not easy.
Talk about the flowers and plants at home
Wang Heina
Balcony flowers and grass hands often move, watering bacon for several years.
Just like the spring undercover in the mountains, sometimes the beauty is so doubtful.
【Zhou Xiangdong comment】All two sentences are laid out in place, and the last two sentences are quite imaginative. Wei Chun is undercover and suspicious, and the meaning of the sentence seems to be incoherent.
Your Excellency the Tibetan Scriptures Are Covered with Snow
Begonia
The forest was attacked, and the jade marks were born on the branches.
The flowers are thin and cold.
When Toyama was still asleep, the opening of the door was completed.
Chong Hanjun became more and more angry, not unique.
【Zhou Xiangdong comment】Pity, thinness, forced, sleep, painting, anger, gradually written, flexible and without losing strength, the more turned and rigid.
Quiet comments
The title map is in thought and Feng County Affairs
Safety East
Looking for the spring riverbank, the willow eyes have not been opened.
I couldn't bear to see the dust.
【Jingyan comment】The network poem writes about the incident of the eight-child girl in Feng County, there are many people who express arguments, and there are also those who narrate the incident, but Mr. Andong's small poem with the title picture is implicit but not revealed. The poem "Feng County Affair" is the purpose, the "title map" is the introduction, and the "willow eye" is the key. The first sentence is to introduce the "willow eye", and the last sentence points out the reason for "not opening", and the whole text is integrated.
See loquat flowers with plum hair
Jiang Xiaobo (Hubei)
It opens like a cold, and it has not been favored by plum blossoms.
April fruit is full of branches, and glory is planted.
【Jingyan comment】Poetry is set off and contrasted. With the loquat lined with plums, "there is another kind" point question, wonderful! This is a great one.
Spring
Sun Lin (Hebei)
I don't feel that the east wind is near, and the glacier seems to have a spirit.
Soft to the color of yerba buena, lightly smeared willow tips.
【Jing yan comment】The main body of "soft" is suspected to be grass and trees, as if to change "kneading", or to make the whole poem consistent? See you.
Nocturnal (New Rhyme)
Wu Changling (Chongqing)
It had only been a few days since he returned to his hometown, and Sui Dian had urged him three times.
Hanging by the oblique moon window, the home mountain flies in the dream.
【Jingyan comment】"Spike electricity" is incomprehensible. Or because of the word limit, the "telephone in Guangzhou" is shortened to "Suidian"? Suspected of being made?
Operating table imagination
Wang Huaijun
A needle and three realms wandered alone, waking up in a dream and fading in the iron platform.
That is, Yan Luo is not included, and the red dust is happy to return.
【Quiet Comment】The ambiguity of the topic can be understood as "imagination on the operating table", and it can also be understood as "imagining the operating table", if it is the latter, then the text is not right?
On the occasion of the sixth birthday of the Qingchunze Yunfan Poetry Friends Association, it is also the first time of the first brother of Chuyang, and the words are congratulated
Liu Zeyu
Yun Hai Chunhui, Yinbian Warm Sun, and so on with a smile and re-look. Thousands of miles, the wind and waves are missing the sky blue. The scepters of the sages are at the place where they are standing, their eyes are chanted, and the poetry is frequent. Through karma, handsome couples meet each other, and victories explore together.
Now it is at the beginning of the heart, just six years of business, and the reputation of the altar. Building the platform, I was also racing at that time. Liangchen just opened the new year, taking advantage of the east wind, more hanging cloud sails. The most phase period, steady pan vicissitudes, point breaking layer Lan.
【Jing yan comment】The upper que writes the poetry altar, the lower que writes the birthday, the division of labor is clear, and the transition is natural.
Lei Haiji review
He Yunfan Poetry Friends Association celebrated its sixth anniversary
Jiang Heyou
Six years of cloud sails are fast, and poetry is divided into four ocean currents.
How can a flying boat be stopped? Stand at the head of the tide.
[Lei Haiji commented] The poem is lyrical about the word "Yunfan". Write the sea because of the sails, and there are boats and tides because of the sea. The creation of the mood is logical, the poem is compact and powerful, smooth and easy to read. Yunfan bravely stands at the head of the tide, and it is in line with the actual situation, which is an affirmation of "Yunfan" and an encouragement to Yunfan's poets. This is still a poem of poetry, which is lyrical in the name of the object, which is a classic technique.
Before returning to Han, walk to the little sister's house in the town to retrieve the hand warmer for the old father
Segment dimension
Heavy snow closed the door road and lost the standard, dragging the bamboo stick across the creek bridge.
Staggering for thirteen kilometers, the father and son's hearts were locked by treasure.
[Lei Haiji's comment] The title explains the background of the poem, so the poem is easy to read and understand. Under special circumstances, it is difficult to take an ordinary object, showing the son's filial piety to his father. The word "trap", which was originally a stock market term, is very exciting to take here, both appropriate and powerful, as well as fresh. This work tells the reader the importance of poetic propositions.
On the sixth day of the first month of the first month, Nong Yin watched the Chinese women's football team win the Asian Cup
Chen Dainan
The flowing sun danced in the east wind, swirling a thousand flowers and smiling all over the bushes.
The most is the spring return to the emotional place, the green is a daughter red.
[Lei Haiji commented] "Poetry has constant cutting, thinking has no positioning", this work is very different from many works written by women's football teams at the same time. The title of the poem is the Chinese women's football team winning the championship, but it is written as a beautiful spring scenery, and the moment the women's football team wins the championship is written very beautifully and movingly, and the poem is also very beautiful. The poem does not write the ball but writes spring, which seems unreasonable, but the title has "the sixth day of the first month", the ending sentence has the "green" field, and the women's football girl wears a red jersey, which is in line with the time and the way of the scene. Paradoxically, it's funny.
Teacher Wang Xianggu of BuYun "New Year With Mail"
Zhang Lizhong
Spring comes to meet and enjoy the scenery together.
Green bamboo shakes new leaves, and red joints hang old walls.
Chi Wen Niu sighed, and saw the tiger high in the morning.
Although the festival is short, the poetry is exceptionally long.
【Lei Haiji's comment】The poem is written properly, the content is consistent with the season, and the poem is commensurate with the title. The first link writes the Spring Festival together, the jaw joint writes the Spring Festival scene, the neck joint writes the alternation of the years, and the tail link borrows the short lyricism of the Spring Festival, and there is a hazy beauty on the "long poetry", leaving room for imagination.
Migrant workers return
Tang Jia
After the peak snow of the Spring Festival, the migrant workers have embarked on the journey again.
After the end of the year, the wine has woken up and the dream is also shocking.
Don't wav goodbye to Yiyi, and go against the wind.
Ci himself leaned on the door and looked at it, and Wanli still heard the sound of geese.
[Lei Haiji commented] Real life poems are also written in one go, smooth and easy to read. It shows the necessity and helplessness of migrant workers leaving home to return, and the hardships of going out to work are also the hardships of migrant workers, the hardships of labor, and the hardships of family affection.
Bu Operator Say Tiger
Qin Feng
The king is full of energy, and the painter is more absurd. The mountains and forests are crowded, and the sound of vibrating valleys is like a roar.
It's not paper that can paste, it's not fox that can show. The negative son crosses the river to guard the apricot field, and knows that he is tender?
[Lei Haiji commented] Shangque wrote the typicality of the tiger - brave, the lower que used two "non-yes", into a reverse sentence, adding strength, plus the end of the question, the momentum of the poem is majestic, handsome. And the upper and lower que writes that the tiger is fierce and gentle, two opposite qualities, intriguing and resistant. Xia Que Written Tiger gently echoes the second sentence "The painter has many fallacies", the author's original intention is here, which is its novelty.
Jiang Lan commented
Snow night listen to Plum
Lei Yan
March contains long buds, the reason for the future of snow.
Rustle frequently dreams, but green plums open?
[Jiang Lan commented] Syllables and rhymes are good, although no people are written, but people are in it.
Chinese New Year's Eve Sanya Park to see female sanitation workers selfie even (Tong Yun)
Liang Xiaoping (Shandong)
Shu land to make a living here, hard work holidays can not be repaid.
The overalls were changed to leave a photo to report to the family.
【Jiang Lan comment】The language is simple and unpretentious, and it is heartwarming to read, and it really responds to Lu Fangweng's poem: The article is natural, and the clever hand is occasionally obtained. Born a good sentence, at a specific moment, in a specific place, because of the trigger of specific details of a specific object, it was picked up by Liang Xiaoping, a person with a heart, how lucky! But if there is no heart, even the best subject matter will slip away quietly, so good poetry is prepared for people with hearts.
Migrant children express bacon (lone goose grid)
Tazuho
The empty mountain is lonely and cold, and the annual flavor of baking incense is sent out of the river.
I also want to carry some words from my heart, but I am too worried and too troublesome.
【Jiang Lan comment】The words of the new year's flavor and incense are strange, and the moving place is even more in the concluding sentence, which seems to repeat how many unusual emotions are contained in the child's ordinary spoken language, which makes people feel heavy. If the syllable of the word worry is not good, it is better to change it to: but worry.
High balcony Enjoy plums in the snow
Fang Wei
Red plums on the ground, white snow in the air, red and white. When the time is in the new zheng, come to add poetry and wine style. What does Lord Mao Xuan know? In front of the flower, the figure is crooked. Around the plum garden, two sleeves fluttering, two eyes.
The poets of the glass world are here, it is the poetry of Heavenly Help, and the scenery is exaggerated. Don't wait to postpone, fall into the mud and sand with the wind. The mobile phone takes a picture into a picture, and returns, drawing to the window screen. Fine flat chapter, plum is spring fragrance, snow is spring xia.
Note: Chunxia, Wu Wenying Words: Mirror Opening Qianjing Chunxia, also has a base.
【Jiang Lan comment】Long tone and calm temperament, Xun is a master.
Biography of the Critics: In chronological order
Lei Haiji Introduction
Lei Haiji, pen name Zhuang Xishui, Jiangxi Jinxianren, military poet, poetry critic. He once served as a political commissar of a certain unit of the People's Liberation Army, with the rank of colonel, and his poetry essays were repeatedly selected for the National Chinese Poetry Seminar, the Chinese Military Poetry Seminar, and the Cross-Strait Chinese Poetry Forum. He is the author and publisher of "A Quick Introduction to Poetry", "Quotations from Ancient and Modern Famous Artists on Poetry", and "Discussion on the Creation of Good Poetry -- Selected Poems of Lei Haiji").
Introduction to Duan Wei
Duan Wei, born in 1964, a native of Yingshan, Hubei Province, holds a doctorate in law. Professor of Central China Normal University, executive director of the Chinese Poetry Society, president of the Hubei Provincial Chinese Poetry Society, and editor-in-chief of the bimonthly review of "Heart Tide Poetry".
Jiang Lan profile
Jiang Lan, male, born in 1968, from Xinyang City, Henan Province. Graduated from the department of Chinese of Chinese University, he once worked for the All-China Federation of Trade Unions In education, science, culture, health and sports trade union. He is currently the deputy director of the editorial department of poetry journal, the deputy editor-in-chief of "Chinese Dictionary", and the consultant of Yunfan Poetry Friends Association. He is the author of the old style poetry anthology "Drinking River Collection" and "Xiangying Collection - Selected Poems of Six People".
Zhou Xiangdong introduction
The owner of Yushan Mountain, real name Zhou Xiangdong, born in 68, also known as Yushan Baoqinke, Zhai name MianLu. The calligrapher is from Mr. Wang Zhenduo of Yushan; the poetry teacher is from Mr. Wang Zhenkan of Gushang; Western painting and theory are studied by Mr. Wang Lin, and he is also good at new poetry, commentary, etc.
Introduction to Silence
Jing Yan, real name Zeng Conghua, born in 1970, Cantonese. He loves poetry and is the editor-in-chief of "Learn to Write Poetry".
statement
The works are selected and evaluated by critics in the 8th issue of the Yunfan Poetry Society 2022, and the platform is not easy to say a word, and it is presented truthfully. Copyright belongs to the author, appreciation does not return to the author, some pictures transferred from the network, only for appreciation, exchange, sharing and use, the copyright of the picture belongs to the original author, if the copyright owner has objections, please contact the editor to delete.